Page 31 of The Enemy's Defector
I stood, shooting to my feet and in no mood to look or seem inferior to him. Even seated, he was taller and larger than life. He would always be bigger and more superior, physically and just because he was a man in a man’s world. But I’d be damned if I risked my life to spare his and get this bullshit in reply.
“Because I was born a Kozlov and you can’t ever really trust me, right?”
He rose too, standing with a slight wince. Already, over the span of days, he’d recovered so quickly. While he wasn’t at full strength, he was more secure and able-bodied than he was when I found him in the lower level of that cabin.
“Katerina, stop picking a fight for the sake of fighting. Now’s not the time for it.”
I hugged myself, hating this funky distance between us. I was a “free” woman now, running away from my uncle. Now more than ever, I should’ve been able to act like an independentindividual. To pursue him if I so desired, unchained by the association of being Anton’s niece. But I still was. I’d never be able to remove that taint, and it was clearly a deal-breaker for Nik to be friendly with me.
“Becauseyousay so,” I retorted hotly. “Everything’s going to happen according to whatyouwant.”
Bitter and quickly incensed, I couldn’t censor what I said fast enough. Hearing him so coldly say that he expected me to stick with him for the sake of security on his end was a total contrast to what I wanted. Those silly, fantastical daydreams of starting a brand-new life with him were so laughable I could’ve cried. What was I thinking? That Nik would actually choose to keep me in his life? As the mother of his child, one he’d want and cherish?
Yeah, right.
Shaking my head, as if that could manually clear out these damning thoughts, I moved away from him. It hurt too much, being this close to him, within reach, but forced back with this wall that had been erected between us.
“You think that I want any of this?” he snapped, grabbing my arm to keep me from walking away. “You think that I wanted to be taken and for someone to start a deadly crusade to end my family?”
I narrowed my eyes at him as he spun me to face him. Seeing the anger on his face hurt more than I wanted to allow. Witnessing this growing disdain for me was agony.
Of course, he didn’t want any of this to happen. But peace was an illusion that never came true in our world.
All I could comprehend was that he also didn’t wantme.
One night had been plenty for him, and I hated how his passion and carnal lust had ignited me to want more and more.
Forget about it, Kat! Stop thinking with your heart. He’s never going to choose you and stay with you.
I’d only ever be the enemy through no action of my own. My actions, and my decisions, should’ve been all the proof he ever could’ve needed to see that I did care about him, that I would behave in such a way to help or save him. It turned out that actions didn’t always speak louder. That my sacrifices and risks weren’t enough to override his past biases of my family’s name.
Twisting my arm to break the grip of his fingers on me, I drew in a deep breath and resolved to stay strong. If he didn’t want me, then I’d accept it and move on. If he regarded me with the motto of keeping his enemies closer, then I’d wait until I could flee and raise this new life on my own.
I wasn’t going to be a fool and expect anything from him.
I refused to act like a clingy weakling and demand that he be a father to our child.
No way in hell.
Tipping my chin up, I stared at him and hated myself for wishing he’d kiss me once more before I went. For yearning for him to touch me and hold me one last time.
Nope. I won’t do it.
As much as it stung to see the obvious irritation on his face, evidence that he didn’t want or love me at all, I would be the bigger person and keep my pride intact.
“I get it,” he said, raking his hand through his hair as his jaw slid. He clenched his teeth and shook his head as he looked away. “I get it, Katerina. Your life has been turned upside down since seeing the proof that Anton killed Thomas. But my life isn’t any easier either. I’m—” He narrowed his eyes as he turned to face me again. In a blur of action, he set both hands on me to shove me down.
I held my breath, unprepared for the move. With his arms locking around me as he twisted, following me to the floor, I was guided with the fall to tuck my face against him. The coarse surface of the bandages on his neck rubbed up against my cheek.The push of his muscles flexing in his arms cinched me closer to his chest.
The contact between us was familiar now, but this wasn’t a hug. This wasn’t a desperate reach to keep me close for the sake of embracing me.
Gunshots were fired in the distance. The rat-a-tat-tat of the ammunition flying reached my ears. Glass burst and shattered. Shouts came from outside.
Just like that, I was amped up and frantic with the instinct to run.
Nik had to have spotted the shooters out the window just in time to shove me down with him like that. He might not want me, but it seemed he did value keeping me alive.
Lying over me, blocking me and sheltering me from any other hits, he pressed me to the floor. My fingers rested over his pec, and the thunderous pulse of his heart hammering just like mine served as a strange connection I couldn’t deny.
