Page 39 of The Enemy's Defector
As I continued to search and hack and snoop on surveillance feeds to help Nik figure out who could have ordered him to be captured, I felt like I was waiting for him to follow up with what should've been the most obvious question.
All he had to do was ask how I could be a part of his life.
No, I wasn’t sitting here waiting for a freaking proposal. Iknewall those Ivanovs were skittish about commitments because of Beatrice.
However, if he could be so direct as to give me the barest hint of an indication that he’d want to keep me in his life and maybe nearby under his protection, I would at least have a direction of where my future was going.
For hours, we ignored the big question mark of what we should do about this idea ofusthat he thought we had. We avoided addressing what the next step was forus. He paced and talked about who could’ve taken him—my uncle or the Romanos. We agreed that they had to be the likeliest ones. I sat and stayed on my computer, looking for details and clues.
“I’ve backed up to when Anton was still in town, before he left for Greece.” I showed him the last video that I had checked.
“Wait, who is that?” He pointed at the screen.
“Lucy. My maid. Or, I guess she might have been Damon or Saul’s wife for a while.”
His brows raised. “That’sLucy?”
I nodded. “Why?”
“She sort of looks like you.”
I almost smiled. “That’s why I asked her to go instead of me.” Explaining the agreement that I’d made with Lucy, that I’d pay for her mom’s care, flooded me with guilt. I’d tried to see through my end of that bargain, but the payment I sent to Lucy’s mother’s long-term assistance facility hadn’t worked.
I’ll make it up to you, Lucy.
And Joann.
Malcolm, too.
I had a long list of people to care for and repay, but I felt behind in caring for this baby growing in my stomach. Sure, it was early yet. But I wanted to be prepared as soon as possible. Each time I was struck with the surreal reminder that I would be a mother, I struggled to come clean and tell Nik that I was carrying his baby. Even after all the sex and tender moments we’d had here, I couldn’t anticipate whether he’d be happy ormad that we had a lingering result from our first time together. The unknown of his reaction kept me on edge, on top of his lack of stating a commitment with me after I’d helped to save him.
Later that night, Nik surprised me by suggesting that we relocate.
“Did you see something?” I asked, leaning to face the window behind him.
“No. But I think it’s better if we stay on the move and switch things up. Just in case.”
Staying put was a risk when anyone was on the hunt, but I wondered if it would be smart to go as a pair again.
If he couldn’t come out and say he wanted me to be with him, for good, and commit when I wasn’t really a Kozlov and hadn’t ever been a loyalist to Anton, maybe it would be smarter to start my total independence now. It broke my heart that I might not be able to depend on him, but I knew better than to assume what any of his intentions and motivations really were. He had been direct about what he wanted—and it was to find the people who’d ordered him to be taken and held captive. His family—the one he already had—was his priority. Not me.
“All right.” I started stowing my laptop in my bag and racking my brain for where I could hide next. With a hit placed on me and my uncle furious, my options were limited. But going solo and being apart from him had to be safest for us both. “I’ll be ready to leave in a few moments.”
“What?” He furrowed his brow, staring me down.
“I’ll go.”
He scowled. The anger he couldn’t contain within him boiled over as he gritted his teeth and advanced toward me. “You’llgo?”
I nodded, unwavering in my stance. He couldn’t expect me to wait for him to decide whether I was worthy of being in his life. I needed direction. The sex was phenomenal. Of course, it waswith a sexy god of a fierce spy like him. But only sex wasn’t a solid foundation for a safe future.
“I’ll go,” I repeated. “I think it’s a good idea for us to split up.”
Grabbing me by my upper arms, he zeroed in on me with an aggravated stare. “The fuck it is!”
“It’s harder for them to chase us when we stick together. Besides, if those contractors were hired by Anton to find me, then it will free up the other ones foryouto handle with your mission for answers.”
“There is no way in hell we’re splitting up,” he roared, practically exploding with pent-up fury. “If you leave me, you’re as good as dead.”
