Page 177 of Crew
I felt punched with every word he said.
"If anyone deserves to hurt him, it should be Taz then."
Jordan grimaced, and I ignored him.
Cross snorted. "Right. We should've let Mallory go up on that hill with us. Remember that night? I know you like to sit those beatdowns out, but fuck, Bren. I thought you were with us. I thought you were with me."
I heard his accusation.
Icy dread swirled through me.
I heard his pain.
"What do you think I'm doing?" I burst out, my voice cracking. My chest heaved. Every vein was stretching, trying to explode. "I am here for you, and you don't want to hear this, but you have to." I turned, and I faced him head-on. "You're going to kill someone. You don't walk away from that! You. Not him. Not that fucker. You, Cross!" I leaned forward, almost lunging at him. I grabbed his shirt, and I was right in his face. "My mom is gone. My dad is in prison. My brother was gone since I was fucking eight years old. It's been you. It's been goddamn you all my life."
I shook him with every word.
He went mute, but his eyes were on mine. He was listening.
He was giving me this time.
"Let's beat him up. Please," I rasped. "You want him to pay? Make him live with what he did. Beat him so bad he doesn't walk. Do that. Just don't kill him." My lungs rattled. My whole body was shuddering. I pressed my forehead to his. My lips grazed just over his. "You pull that trigger, and I lose everything. I lose you. I can't lose you."
The truck was turning. Slowing. We were on a gravel road.
"Taz loses you," Jordan added, his voice strained. "You're hurting your sister. Again."
Cross didn't move.
He didn't pull away.
He didn't reach for me. He didn't take my hands in his. He didn't move his face back.
He sat there, like a rock. He was cement, on the outside and inside.
I was going to lose him.
He wasn't going to change his mind, and realizing that, I did the only thing I could think of. I crawled onto his lap. I wrapped my arms around his neck and curled my legs in, and then--then--he moved. His arms pulled me the rest of the way.
He held me close, and I lifted my head. I put my lips to his ear and whispered, "Please don't leave me. I love you."
I was on repeat, saying nothing else.
But so was he.
He said nothing else.
He just held me, like he was saying goodbye.
Then we pulled up to Durrant's house.
I'd never forget that house.
Every piece of chipped paint. Every crack in the sidewalk. Every step it would take to go up the patio and through that door. I'd never forget the yard, or the manmade lake it was on.
The temperature was burned in my memory.
It was hot. It was unnaturally hot. My shirt stuck to Cross' chest. There was a sweet smell in the air, mingling with our sweat. I remembered noticing that, and then feeling the goosebumps on my skin.
