Page 107 of Crew Princess
I looked away, my throat swelling with emotion. “Maybe it’s the counseling. Maybe I’m truly healing, but...we can’t be a crew if we don’t grow as individuals.”Fuck. The Badger would be so proud of me. “That interview I’m going to do, it’s going to be me letting you guys go.”
“Bren!”
“Not letting you go as a crew, but releasing you from putting your futures on hold for me. That’s all. I’m not being a good crew member if I don’t deal with this stuff inside of me. I cannot stand still, paralyzed about who or what I’m going to lose while you guys are all growing. That’s it. You’re growing. I’ve refused to grow. But I can’t, not anymore. I would be selfish to hold you back. Do you understand what I’m saying?”
“Baby.” He tucked his head down and kissed my neck. His entire body shuddered. “I’ve never been more in love with you.” He tipped his head back, staring deep at me. “I love you. YOU. No one else would fulfill me. No one else would make me feel excited for the day, grateful for the day. No one else makes me feel like I’m half a person. My other half is in my arms. No matter what happens in the future—where we go, where we don’t go—this stays.”
He touched my chest, his palm just under my throat. “You. Me. This stays. Because it has to, because I need you that much, because I’m not Cross without Bren. It’s that strong for me, and I don’t give a shit if you want to grow separately. We can both grow. Zellman. Jordan. They can grow too, but we grow together. That’s how it’ll be, or I’m not letting you go.” He shook his head. His arms tightened. “You and me, we’re going to die standing here. I’m that committed. Fuck prom.”
I grinned at him, and I realized I’d been wrong.
The love and warmth and peace that I’d felt from my mom, I still had it.
Cross made me feel those things too.
“I love you so fucking much.”
He smiled at me, resting his palm to my cheek. “I love you so much fucking more.”
“Please. Shut up,” Zellman whined from the door. “We’re crew. We’re tough. Shut up. People could hear you. We have a reputation to uphold. Jeez.” He knocked his hand against the doorframe. “Oh, and get your asses inside. Taz’s order, not mine. I guess your mom got into the wine, and she’s about to pass out on the couch. Taz wants the pictures done before someone pukes or makes an inappropriate pass at Bren’s brother. Sunday’s mom is drooling. It’s embarrassing.”
We posed.
We didCharlie’s Angelsposes. We did funny faces. We did let’s-pretend-we’re-ninjas poses. Animal poses. Sultry. Sexy. Mysterious. Sunglasses on, sunglasses off, sunglasses thrown in the air.
I wouldn’t have been surprised if Tabatha’s mom requested we do a cheerleader triangle pose, but she didn’t. They did bring out pompons, which I refused to hold.
Zellman did a cheer all by himself.
Jordan banned Zellman from ever touching pompons again.
The next stop was Tabatha’s house, where she got text alert after alert. Everyone hugged and kissed. Cross and Taz’s mom was tipsy, with pinot grigio breath. Tabatha’s mom blinked back tears, smudging her eyeliner, and also sending Channing a hungry side-eye. Heather eventually put a stop to that, literally standing in front of him with her arms crossed and her chin raised in challenge.
The Normals had joined us here, and there were food and booze on the low-down, handed out in coffee mugs and prepackaged in juice bottles. One guy kept walking around with a loaf of bread, and I only saw the alcohol when he opened the bottom. An entire bottle of Jack Daniels had been stuck in there.
Taz complained about the waste of bread.
Race’s mom was out and out crying. She wasn’t even trying to contain herself. Race kept going over to her and hugging her, and that’d just make her cry harder. After the pictures, he stood with her, her head buried in his chest as he patted her back with a pained expression on his face.
Sunday’s mom just had a perpetual frown. I heard her whispering to her husband about “getting pregnant on prom night.” I guessed Sunday hadn’t broken the news yet.
Then we piled into a party bus to go to the restaurant. As we entered, Taz informed me that she and the girls had decided against the limo. It was “so millennial” of them, and we were trying to go against the millennial theme. Party bus it was, and I couldn’t complain. More leg room, and more room to get out of the way when Jordan and Zellman started humping the stripper pole.
Some of the Normals came with us, and that’s when I saw Lila had infiltrated our walls. She was sitting on a guy’s lap, wearing a low-cut black lace dress. His hand was on her hip, but her gaze was on Cross. It was all Cross, and seeing me looking, she licked her lips and adjusted her legs, opening them wider. The dress barely covered her, and it covered her less now. The guy’s hand dipped down, smoothing up the inside of her thigh. He didn’t look or stop talking to his buddy, but there was a secretive grin on his face.
Yep. He thought that move was for him.
Cross laughed in my ear. “You know I don’t give a shit about her.”
I glared at her as I said, “It’s the principle of it. She should instinctively fear me.”
He laughed again. “Not respect you. Fear you.”
I leaned against him. “You know it.”
He moved so my back rested against his chest. His arm came around me to rest on my stomach, and he looked down as I was suddenly tipped up to him. Our lips were inches away—and who was that girl again? She fled my mind. I focused solely on Cross, so much that Taz had to hit my leg to get our attention.
I felt the hit and reacted without thinking. I had her wrist in a hold before either of us registered what had happened. A blink of an eye, and I had her in my grip. She hadn’t enough time to sit back.
