Page 30 of Whirlwind
My reasoning for being with the woman made it worse, still, not that I ever admitted that reasoning to anyone.
“Kind of a big one,” Zander mumbles.
“Okay, yeah. But I don’t see every woman as a conquest. I don’t want to fuck my way through every vagina in Seattle.”
“Do you want to fuck Kit?” Now, his brow furrows in concern.
“No,” I say, but I can hear my own lie.
“No?” He raises an eyebrow and stops mid-squat.
“Listen, she’s fucking beautiful. I’m not blind. But that’s not what I’m looking for from her. Kit is the first woman I’ve wanted to know since…” I let the sentence drop. We both know I’m talking about his best friend.
“Since Isla,” he finishes for me. “Who you did want to fuck.”
“Fair point.” I sigh in exasperation. “Right now, I only want to know her. She’s, like, I don’t know, man. She’s like the fucking sun and I just want to be in her warmth.”
“Dude…”
“What?”
“That’s not something you say about a woman you want to be just friends with.”
“Why not? Don’t you feel that way about Isla?”
“Of course, I do,” he says. “Is that what you want from Kit? You’re looking for a best friend?”
“Maybe. I haven’t had one since I was a kid.”
“Is it possible you’re lonely, being in a new city and away from your family?”
“I mean, yeah. But I feel like that completely discredits how fucking awesome Kit is.” I can’t argue how much she reminds me of my sister. Hell, I think they’d be two peas in a pod if they ever got the chance to be friends. They match nervous energy and bubbly enthusiasm.
But I’m not looking for someone to replace Lottie. Nobody ever could, even if they tried.
That knowledge doesn’t change the fact that something about Kit feels a little like home.
“You really like her,” he states.
“I do, man.”
“She doesn’t date,” Zander says solemnly, after a moment. “She’s never told me why that is. Not that I’d share it if she had, that’s her business. I only know that it’s something she doesn’t seek. If she becomes more than a friend to you, you’ll be climbing Mt. Everest.”
“I’m not asking you for her secrets. That wasn’t my intention,” I say. “Blom mentioned that he thinks something haunts her. I’ve seen it, too.”
“Whatareyou asking?”
“Fuck, I’m not even sure anymore.” I sigh and signal to Jesse that I’m done. “I guess, I worry about her. You know, when we’re away, I find myself worrying about her.”
“Sounds like more than friendship, my dude.”
“He’s not wrong,” Jesse chimes in for the first time.
“Yeah, yeah, all right,” I say to their laughter. “I think friendship is all either of us is capable of, though.”
Eight days on the road never gets easier, no matter how many times I’ve done it. No matter that I’m not going home, even. I’m still crashing at Calvin’s. It’s been two months since the trade, and I haven’t so much as looked for a real estate agent. Cal said not to worry about it until the off season, which is still another few months out, if we make playoffs. And it looks like we will.
All I do when I get home is change my clothes before I’m back out the door and crossing the street. Nightmare barks when I knock on Kit’s front door.
