Page 96 of Deadly Knight
Fuck that.
I step near her. “The organization doesn’t deem whom I can love. Then or now.”
“It does, though,” she replies with a frustrated huff as she continues slowly backing towards to the wall. “You told me yourself how Vanessa would eventually be forced into an arranged marriage to forge a connection between organizations. Out there, there’s a woman belonging to another organization whose father is dying to get in with Vanessa. It’ll be throughyouthat happens, and I can’t be in the way of how it should be. Of whatjust is. Such practices are your life, and it’s fine.”
Is she really bringing an imaginary woman into this?
I walk into her, forcing her back, tired—no, fuckingdone—with these little steps. The will-they-won’t-they these damn four walls are laughing at me over. I continue walking until she has nowhere left to go, her back hitting the wall and my body caging her in.
“I am not engaged now, nor will I ever be to a stranger. There’s only one woman who’ll wear my ring, the Bratva and alliances be damned.”
Her expression softens into heartbreak, but it doesn’t ease my mood at all. No, it stokes the fire within me.
“Marriage or not, youknowI’m right about your job. Eventually, someone will come for one of us. You’ll kill yourself trying to protect me, and I won’t be able to offer the same to you. It’s not fair. Or—fuck, Dimitri, I work with children.Children.What if someone shows up to kidnap me at gunpoint for ransom? I live a quiet life, and you…don’t. Which is okay.”
My fists punch the wall beside her head, my arms the only thing keeping me off her. I hang my head between us, getting as close to her as I’ll allow myself. She realizes the cage I’ve placed her in, her gaze darting around like an animal seeking freedom.
“This is why my father said what he did. He’s made you second-guesseverything. Katya…” I pause, my thoughts only formulating semi-coherent responses. “What life have I truly led? What life do I evenhave? You’ve owned every breath I’ve taken. Every minute of my free time has been spent by your side, even if you were unaware.Youare my life. Then and now, and until my dying breath. I willneverbe driven away from you. And the sorry soul who thinks he can take you from me is already a dead man walking.” My chest heaves, teeth gnashing together as I grind out the rest. “My room. The prison. Here. Where else do I have to bare my fuckin’ soul to you? What else can I say to make you comprehend this,moya dusha? You underestimateeverything I’d do to keep you. I’ll leave the Bratva if it makes you feel safer.”
My offer hangs in the space between us, heavy and almost unwanted. But fuck if I wouldn’t turn my back on everything I know for this girl: my family, my organization, my friends…my vows. The Bratva is in my blood; my father’s always been right about that part. There was never a future in which I worked a regular civilian job. Crime, the killing—it’s inside me.
But I’d give it all up to be with Katya. That’s an undebatable fact.
She glances at my chest, where beneath my shirt is a tattoo of a cross, etched there when I was officially inducted into the organization the year prior to meeting Katya. It signals that I’m a thief for life, active in the lifestyle of the Bratva.
Very few ever leave the Bratva, because doing so is to break those vows. With our oaths, we promise to serve our Pakhan until death. I willingly made those vows to Vanessa in front of Ursin’s Elite, and had every intention of keeping them. Leaving means being branded as a traitor—or, in many cases, death.
A death penalty many would want Vanessa to uphold, because letting someone go is essentially stating one’s vows can be broken with little consequence. To solidify her strength as Pakhan, she’d be expected to punish me.
Katya has no idea of the severity of my offer but does understand the meaning behind the cross on my chest. She moves her hand over my heart, hovering but not quite touching. There’s an assumption in her expression, that the Bratva owns that part of me, but they don’t.
She does.
“You can’t. Vanessa needs you. Leaving isn’t the answer. You’d be miserable.”
“It’sananswer.” Gripping her neck, I press my thumbs to the underside of her chin. “Name your price, and I’ll happily pay it.”
Her head shake is restricted to the space I grant her. “That’s not the answer. We’re from two different worlds. Realize that. Accept it.”
“You’re running again.”
“Forus! Why don’t you understand that? You’ve spent ten years following me and hunting those men, which means you’ve lived so much of your life based on that night. You never got better! You need to…for me, okay? That’s my price. You didn’t let that night go. It’s haunted you, followed you, and it’s unhealthy.”
“Nothing about you is unhealthy, Katya. There is no cure required.”
“Then look me in the eye and tell me you don’t still relive what happened.” Her chin lifts, this time unassisted by me.
“Irrelevant.” Of course, I do, no matter how much I’ve tried to use murder to erase it.
“That’s my point. You don’t know if you can get over it, because you’ve nevertried. So much of the past decade, you’ve been living for me… Now you need to live foryou. For me, Dimitri, live for yourself.”
How can I live without her? This request is the cruellest she’s ever asked of me. Cruellest, and impossible.
Her eyes squeeze shut. “Our story isn’t meant to be happy.”
“You’re looking for every excuse to have an out, because you’re scared to let yourself be happy. If you want to psychoanalyze me with that degree of yours,moya dusha, then I’ll do the same to you. You forget, I’ve watched youthrivefor ten years—through the good and the bad. You refuse to see your own strengths, instead protecting yourself from every single good thing in the world because you’re scared of having it ripped away.” My breaths seethe, and while spewing all this wasn’t in my initial plan, the oncoming storm can’t be prevented from ravaging our situation. “You get close to so few people, both during university and now at your job. You continue therapybecause you’re scared of what it’ll mean to not have someone to catch you if you fall. You attend self-defence training to never feel weak. You think because you needed distance to fix yourself, I do as well, but I don’t. Every time I took one of their lives,thatwas my therapy. Our story can be happy if you allow it to be. Those men stole so much of your power, and I’m trying to give it back. My twenty-four hours aren’t up yet, and you’ve promised not to lie. So tell me the truth. Do you, even the tiniest bit, still love me?”
“Dimitri…”
