Page 97 of Deadly Knight
“That’s not an answer.” I arch her head back, the grip I have on her as fragile as the one I have on my control. “Do. You. Still. Love. Me?”
Her hesitation says more than any verbal response she could give.
I sweep down, taking her mouth, one hand in her hair keeping her steady, and the other on her hip, pulling her body into mine. Unless she denies me and ends this, I won’t be. I’ve done everything else to make her realize. This is all I have left.
The woman who kissed me in the prison isn’t the one in my arms. There are two halves of her. One side being what she desires, and the other what she’s fearing, and I’m the centre of both halves.
She pulls her mouth away. “Dimitri…”
I kiss down her neck, reaching the collar of her shirt. With an annoyed growl, I peel it over her head and toss it to the side, baring her.
“Mhm?” I murmur into her skin, breathing in the scent I used to wake up recalling in the middle of the night. “Stop me, if you don’t want this, Katya. Until I hear that word, I’m going to show you exactly how much I’ve missed you.”
I continue down her body, pausing at her arms that display a mixture of red and white scars. Every mark feels like she’s lashedme as well, and I’m fuckingpissed…but not at her. Not at how she managed to survive that night.
I spend extra time kissing every one of her scars before shifting to the opposite arm and repeating the action. By her wrist, I murmur, “I hate knowing you hurt yourself. That you had no other option.”
“It used to be a razor,” she whispers, gutting me. “Therapy helped. Now, it’s only my nails, and not nearly as often.”
I stroke the scars again, lingering around a particularly long one. “They keep you in the present.” It’s not a question, but she answers regardless.
“Yeah.”
“Krasivyy.” She snorts, and I pull back to look her in the eye, repeating with absolute certainty, “They’re beautiful, as are you. These”—I press my thumb onto one—“are beautiful because they kept you here. They kept you alive. For that, I will fucking cherish every single one.”
Before she falls deeper inside her head, I continue heading for her stomach. There will be plenty of time later to worship her survivor’s marks. The rest of our lives, in fact.
I grip her hips to steady her and pause by the strip of skin above her jeans, my tongue sweeping over her until she shudders. There’s no plea for me to end this, so I unbutton her jeans and tug them off.
Then I do what I’ve dreamed of for so long and regard her wholly. Ten years is entirely too long to go without the woman who gives me life. But now, every second apart has become worth it for this moment right here, right now.
“We shouldn’t. It’ll complicate things.”
“Everything is denial with you. You’re so deep in your head about what you shouldn’t want, you’re forgetting what you do. Besides, in your mind, it’s already complicated, so why not enjoy it?”
I hook my fingers into the waistband of her panties and inch them down her thighs. If she were going to end this, she’d do it now, but she doesn’t. I drop them to the floor and am greeted with a sight I’vereallymissed.
Her perfect slit, already damp with desire. That’s how I know. No matter what she says, her body knows what it craves.
I thumb her clit, watching her expression as a sense of wonder crosses it. Wonder, and something else. I don’t watch her long enough to deconstruct it, instead hooking her left knee over my shoulder and opening her up to my mouth.
“You have a body to be worshipped,moya dusha.Allow me to worship it.”
With my thumbs holding her open, I eat for the first time in a decade.
What the fuckam I doing?
I should end this.
“Do you, even the tiniest bit, still love me?”
I’ve always loved Dimitri. There’s never been a day that’s passed I haven’t. I simply convinced myself I didn’t, in order to live a normal life, and not chase the past. After so long of lying to myself, I’ve come to believe my own lie.
It doesn’t change the fact that Dimitri and I together are like fire and ice; we’ll never properly mix. One of us will always burn, whilst the other will be extinguished.
Yes, I love him. Yes, I want him. I want what we once had…but it doesn’t change the fear of what it’ll mean being with him.
Maybe it’s dramatic not to take the chance that it’ll work this time. Maybe it’s stupid to be the woman who’s concerning herself with situations and drama that haven’t happened yet. But I’ve become a realist over the years. As teenagers, I believed our relationship could take on the world, but as an adult, I understand the world doesn’t stop turning for two star-crossed lovers.
