Page 143 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10
“I’m not a good person! Is that what you want to hear? I’m not a good person. And she deserves better than someone like me.”
“James.” He put his notebook and pen down. “Only a good person would even consider his own morality in the context of starting a new relationship. Don’t you see?”
His point was moot. Because what I said was what really mattered. Penny was everything good in the world. Even her touch radiated warmth. And me? My soul was dark. I was barely holding on. A man like me didn’t deserve Penny’s light.
Dr. Clark leaned forward. “You worked hard to turn your life around. You’re allowed to let go of your past. You’re allowed to give yourself a break.”
“She’s too good for me.”
“You took a job as a professor to give back. We both know you don’t need the money. You’re doing good things here.”
“Doing one positive thing in my whole life doesn’t make me a saint.”
“Positivity attracts more positivity.”
I hated when he talked about the universe giving back what I put out. “It’s done. I told her it was over.”I begged her to stay away, because I wasn’t sure I was strong enough to.
Dr. Clark shook his head and lifted his pen back up. “I think that was a mistake.”
“And coming here was a fucking mistake.” I stood up to go.
“When was the last time you had a drink?” he said to my back.
I froze.
“When was the last time you evenwanteda drink?”
I hadn’t consumed a single sip of alcohol since I’d met Penny. I hadn’t even thought about it.
“Sit back down, James. We can figure out what’s bothering you together. That’s why I’m here.”
I turned back toward him and shoved my hands in my pockets. Why did I always fight being honest with him? He was literally being paid hundreds of dollars an hour to listen to me. With no repercussions. “When I’m with her, I feel my self-control slipping. And I don’t like that feeling.”
“You don’t need self-control around a consenting adult.”
“It’s not just sex. I feel myself being drawn to her all the time. It’s easier to breathe when she’s beside me.”
Dr. Clark smiled. “Falling in love isn’t a disease, James.”
“I’m not falling in love with her.”
“What you just described…the smile on your face…”
I didn’t realize I was smiling. I quickly cut it out. “I don’t know how to let go without feeling like I’m slipping.”
“And I’ll say it again…slipping into love isn’t a disease.”
“It feels the same to me.”
“You’re allowed to let go of your past. You’re allowed to embrace change. You’re allowed to be happy.”
He wasn’t getting it. I’d told him the truth and he didn’t understand. “I think I just need some fresh air.”
“I’ll see you next Sunday then?”
I nodded and left the room. Even though I was still resigned to keep Penny at arm’s length, there was at least one thing Dr. Clark had said that resonated with me. I needed to let go of my past. And even though I felt like I had, there was still the issue of the unsigned documents.
When I got home, I called my lawyer to set up a few meetings in New York. Then I packed a suitcase and sent off emails to cancel my next few classes. For Comm I moved up the speeches that were supposed to start next week so that I wouldn’t have to teach on Wednesday and Friday. This was going to be an exhausting trip. And I needed time to get Penny out of my system.
