Page 173 of Forbidden Billionaires: Vol. 10
I glared at him. He’d basically just told me Ian wasn’t my friend. And that my relationship with Rob wasn’t healthy. Did he really want to get into this too? He was probably just pissed I cancelled my session last week and he hadn’t gotten paid. To hell with him. And to hell with this. I was done. I didn’t need to sit here and get reprimanded like a child.
“You know what?” I said. “As a matter of fact I have. I fucked her last week to try to get her out of my system because you were no help at all, despite the fact that I had real concerns. And it just messed with my head even more. So I had myemployeeIan install security cameras outside where she lives so I could see who comes and goes out of her place. I had a background check done on her. And then I fucking lost my mind and bought a country club so we could have our first real date there last night. My first actual date in years and I didn’t tell her a God damn thing about myself because we both know she won’t want anything to do with me when she realizes who I am. Oh, and there were security cameras there too, so I’ve had the pleasure of replaying parts of our date all morning like a fucking stalker. And now I’m pretty sure I’m addicted to her, so thanks a fucking lot for all your help. It was your job to stop me.”
Dr. Clark set down his notepad and pen on the coffee table. “Can we start at the beginning of that?”
I realized I was gripping the armrests of my chair so tightly that my knuckles were turning white. After that pathetic monologue I was planning on leaving and never coming back. But it was like my body was begging me to stay. I needed his help. I was out ofmy element with Penny. More than anything, I just didn’t want to fuck up my chance with her. Because I would fuck it up. That’s what I did. “I don’t even know what I said first.”
He smiled. “You said you had sex with her despite your concerns. We talked about those concerns a few weeks ago. And I meant what I said when I told you that I thought you were ready for a relationship. Especially since you seemed so happy. But you don’t look happy now. Is that because of your behavior regarding the video footage?
“Sex is usually one moment and then it’s gone,” he continued without waiting for a reply. “If you had surveillance of it…I can understand the temptation to replay it. But it’s only because the temptation is there. If Ian hadn’t installed the cameras it would be a non-issue. So maybe have him uninstall them to avoid this reoccurrence? And while you’re at it, delete the footage that you’ve been replaying. It’s a violation of the woman’s privacy and what you’re most likely feeling is guilt. Plus, that way you can eliminate every temptation.”
Every temptation except for Penny herself. She was still the main temptation that I should be resisting. And the footage of her sucking my cock? How could I possibly delete that? It was my favorite movie now. I nodded, but there was no way I was deleting it. Because when all this blew up in my face? I wanted a reminder that for just a few days something good was mine. Something warm and light and kind. Besides, the footage was amazing. Penny on her knees did something to me. I was getting hard just thinking about it.
“Good. And get rid of the surveillance outside her residence too. Watching her comings and goings is no way to start a healthy relationship.”
“But that’s what I’m trying to explain…nothing about it is healthy.”
He held up his hand. “Because of things that you can fix. We get rid of the cameras. And then what problems remain? You bought a country club. So what? You certainly have the necessary means to make whatever purchases you want. As long as you’re clear about the why. Which I assume was that you wanted to impress her, right?”
“Maybe, yeah.”No.It was because I didn’t want to get caught fucking one of my students. Maybe. It could have been what Dr. Clark said. Partially. Nope, definitely the not getting caught thing.
“See…there’s nothing wrong with that. And you’re scared to tell her about your past because you have real, sincere feelings for her. Everyone has those fears. They’re universal. I have those fears when I’m dating someone.”
“But you haven’t done the kinds of things that I have.”
He nodded. “That’s true. But you’re assuming that the woman you’re dating is going to judge you. And that’s not fair. Have I judged you?”
“You’re my therapist.”
“Have I judged you?”
I shrugged. “I don’t know.” He’d certainly written a lot of secretive things down in his damn notebook.
“I haven’t. I’ve listened. I’ve helped you. Because that’smyjob.”
I figured he wouldn’t like the fact that I blamed him for all of it. “Sorry about that comment.”
“And I’m sorry if you thought I was suggesting that Ian wasn’t your friend. That wasn’t my intention. I was simply pointing out your trust issues. Maybe you’re having issues trusting this woman because she hasn’t signed a document promising to never cross you.”
I shook my head. I hadn’t even thought of giving Penny a confidentiality agreement. Which was odd now that I thought about it. “I think I…trust her.” Hadn’t I already proven that? I trusted her not to tell anyone about us. And my job was on the line. The new life I’d worked so hard to get. “I want to be able to trust her.”
Dr. Clark looked ecstatic. “Then tell her the truth about your past. Tell her everything. Give her the chance to show you she trusts you too. That’s what a relationship is.”
If only it was that easy. I knew he was right. But I liked Penny. And I didn’t want to lose her. I was playing with fire.
“Are you serious about her?” he asked.
“Yes.” I didn’t even hesitate. “She’s a breath of fresh air.”Much needed cherry-scented air.
Dr. Clark smiled. “So what’s preventing you from accepting her as a good thing instead of someone to run away from? Because hiding information from her is running away. What’s really holding you back?”
“I know she’s good for me.” I was creating things for the first time since I’d moved here. I was happier. I felt at peace. But that’s how it always went. “I have a way of ruining good things.”
“No matter what you do, you won’t ruin her. She’s a person, not an object.”
“You know what I mean.” And I wasn’t so sure Dr. Clark was right about this. Penny was so…innocent. I could break her. I could easily break her.
“And that’s why I told you to get rid of the cameras. Delete the footage. You need to treat her as an equal. No one should have the upper hand.”
