Page 10 of Drifter
“Yes, anything you need,” she replies softly. She lifts her face and strokes my cheek. I take her hand in mine and kiss the back of it.
I take a deep breath and begin. “My real name is Axel Denville. The guys call me Drifter because after my father died, I drifted through life, not really knowing where I belonged. My father was the best man you could ever meet. We didn’t have much, but he gave me all he could and made me into the man I wanted to be. He died young, and I didn’t know what to do with myself. I was drifting through life, not knowing where I belonged. I joined the army. It did me a world of good for the most part. Met some great men and made solid friendships. I was studying medicine and planned to become a doctor after my time in the service was up. That’s when it all went to shit,” I explain. Sasha shifts in my arms, and I can see she’s about to speak when I press my fingers to her lips. “You promised.” She nods, and I continue.
I tell her all about Craig and our plan to join Hawk once we both finished our term. Then I hit her with the horrible night when I lost my friend and the gut-wrenching loss of the man I loved and admired almost as much as my own father. I get it all out, terrified to look into her eyes and see the disappointment that awaits me.
Instead, she frames my face with her hands and says, “It’s not your fault. You did everything you could, and you honored Craig’s wishes by carrying those men out to safety. They live because you did what he asked. I can understand that you feel the pain of losing your friend, and that’s what makes you unique. You can feel all that and still do what he asked of you. No one blames you. You said it yourself, his own girlfriend understands and doesn’t think any less of you. The only person you’re fighting is yourself, handsome,” she says. “You have nothing to be ashamed of. Nothing.” She pauses, tilting her head to one side, then asks, “I’m not sure why you don’t want to carry on with medicine, because you saved a lot of lives, but that’s your choice, and as long as you’re happy doing what you do, then that’s all that matters. But what about your mom?”
“My mother abandoned me and my dad when I was a baby. My father raised me, and believe me, I have no desire to find her.”
“How can anyone abandon their baby? I’d rather die than leave my child,” she says. “She missed out. She’ll never know the amazing man you’ve turned out to be.”
I am humbled by her gentleness. Her eyes still gaze at me with love in them. I expected disappointment, even disgust, but not from my Sasha. I gave her the ugly truth of who I am, and she makes me believe that everything is going to be okay.
“Baby, I let him die.” I choke on my words.
“No, you didn’t. The men who threw the grenade killed him. You did him proud. If the situation were reversed and you asked him to leave and save the others, would you want him to do anything different?”
“No.”
“I can’t make you forgive yourself, not that I think there is anything to forgive. That’s something you need to do for yourself. Maybe…you should talk to someone,” she suggests cautiously.
It’s not the first time I’ve heard that. Hawk was pushing for me to do the same, and I refused to consider it. “That’s not for me.”
“That’s your choice, Drifter,” she says, “but I’m not sure what condition I would be in if I didn’t see a counselor. I was so scared that I’d be judged or that they’d think I was crazy, but if it wasn’t for Ms. Williams, I’m not sure I’d be the person I am today.”
Oh yeah, something shitty happened to Sasha.
“Will you tell me about it?” I ask. She pulls out of my arms and stands, wringing her hands while she begins to pace. “If you’re not ready?—”
“I want to tell you. I just need a minute,” she replies instantly.
Something tells me this is worse than I imagined.
Sasha
As much as I want to share with Drifter, I’m still nervous. What if he doesn’t see me the same way as he did when he held me in his arms moments earlier? I wasn’t actually raped. Maybe he’ll think I’m making more of this than I should. That’s what my father said. He was quick to defend his friend and insinuated that I might have unconsciously been flirting with him.
Etain encouraged me to be honest with Drifter, and after he bared his soul to me about his experiences, I want him to know me too.
“My family’s a mess. I think you already know that,” I begin, licking my lips.
“I know your father’s a dick.”
“That’s an understatement,” I murmur. “My mother’s an alcoholic. She might be sober for the first few hours of the day, but by noon, she’s a functioning drunk, then by dinner, she’s a social butterfly who can’t remember a damn thing. She likes to be in her social circles, and that’s all that matters to my mother. My father married her for arm candy, and as long as she looks good, doing and saying all the right things in the public eye, it serves my father’s purpose. Simon and I joke that the only reason we exist is because their society friends had kids, and it was the next logical step.” I pause, giving him a small smile. “Simon is the only beautiful thing that came from my parents. He’s a couple of years older. He’s funny and sweet, and at eighteen, he became my protector. He wouldn’t go to parties because he refused to leave me alone in the house in case Dr. Sutton and his wife dropped by for a visit.”
“Dr. Sutton?” he asks, his eyes growing dark, and I can see he’s slowly putting it together.
“He was our family doctor for years. He and my father are the best of friends and have been before Simon and I came into this world. Dr. Sutton made house calls when we were sick and was and still is a big part of my parents’ lives. When I turned sixteen, the popular thing to do was to give your children a big party. My mom planned it, and it was an elaborate affair. They invited everyone they knew. I thought it was cool, and I wore a pretty, rose-colored dress with a tiara. I looked like a princess and felt like a princess. Simon was hanging with his buds on the back deck, and when everyone left, except for Dr. Sutton and his wife, I excused myself and went up to bed,” I say in a trembling voice.
Drifter moves to stand, and I hold out my hand to stop him. “Please don’t come near me. Not until I finish.” He sits back and silently waits for me to continue. “I was getting undressed when he came into the room. I told him to leave, and he grabbed me.” I clutch a hand to my throat. “I screamed, and he slapped me. I fell, and he tossed me onto the bed. And…” I begin to sob.
“Sasha—” Drifter lets out an agonized growl.
“I couldn’t get away. When he went to pull down… I bit his hand, and when he cried out, Simon ran in and pulled him off me. He didn’t…but he was going to…” I can’t finish my words. I turn around so that I don’t see the look on Drifter’s face, wrapping my arms around my middle.
I hear Drifter get up from the sofa. His footsteps are quiet, but I can feel his heat at my back. “Look at me, sunshine. You are a strong, resilient, beautiful woman. You have courage, and you’re proving that every day by getting up and doing your thing, your way.” It takes all my courage to turn to face him. His voice is raw. “Can I hold you?”
I lift my chin and look into his eyes. “You’re angry.”
