Page 12 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘Oh, that’s a shame.’ Kelly pursed her lips. ‘Isn’t it, Alice?’
‘It’s just work, Kelly,’ she said calmly. ‘It happens. You travel all the time; we barely get to see each other.’
Was that another message from Zac, letting her know there was no point in taking the mild flirting they’d shared any further? Her heart was far too bruised to be feeling any kind of disappointment at that news. Relief, then. Her sister-in-law, Jenna, was much more understanding than Kelly about Alice wanting to take her time in the search for a potential new partner.
‘So you won’t be coming back? Ever?’ Kelly’s natural default was direct.
‘Maybe not for work but Max and I are mates, so sometimes, yeah.’ Zac shrugged as he looked at Alice. ‘So how’s it going with the bike? Have you been out yet?’
‘Bike? You’ve actually gone and got one? You never said.’ Kelly’s voice found another level and Alice’s toes were curling under their joint scrutiny. The bike was still imprisoned in its box propped against the wall in her studio where Zac had left it.
‘So you’ve done it, then, signed up for the triathlon?’ Kelly squeezed her hand. ‘That’s brilliant, Al, well done.’
‘Kelly…’ Alice couldn’t look at Zac as he reached past her to pay for his drinks.
But Kelly hadn’t finished, and she carried blithely on. ‘I know entering was a big decision for you, given the circumstances, and that you’ve not cycled for years or swum in open water.’
‘So why do it, then?’ Zac slid the wallet back into his pocket and picked up the two drinks. ‘Or do you just like giving yourself a hard time?’
Alice was fumbling with her bag to hide her face before she revealed any more distress in front of him. She had to stop doing this every time the triathlon was mentioned and someone attempted to uncover her reason for entering the race.
‘Send me the link to your page and I’ll sponsor you right now. Are you still doing it for the same charity, the miscarriage one?’ Kelly was back on her phone and her face turned pink as she suddenly realised what she’d said. ‘Al, I’m sorry,’ she whispered. Her hand was back on Alice’s arm as she darted a glance at Zac.
A waitress was beckoning over Kelly’s shoulder and Alice nodded faintly. ‘I’ll tell you later,’ she said quietly. She hadn’t yet created a sponsor page or made her intentions public. She hadn’t even got any further than telling Ray one day at work that she’d entered a triathlon because she knew it would be tough and she wanted somehow to pay back the support she’d had. It had to be difficult, a challenge that required effort, commitment and couldn’t be ticked off in five minutes. She needed her own circumstances to count for something and this was one way of helping to achieve it. ‘We’d better move, before they think we’ve changed our minds and give the table to someone else.’
Alice was relieved to be escaping Zac and a need to explain herself. She didn’t dare so much as glance at him, still waiting with the two drinks he’d bought, and risk finding sympathy or even pity for what Kelly had clumsily given away in her attempt to offer support. Those sorts of looks were part of the reason she’d wanted to start over at Halesmere, where fewer people knew her history. Sometimes she felt like an outline of her own self, as though the middle, her heart, her centre, had fled.
Kelly nodded at Zac as she walked off to claim their table. He touched his free hand to Alice’s arm, delaying her, his fingers already gone as he dipped his head closer to hers. ‘Are you okay? I’m sorry if I said something that upset you.’
‘Of course you didn’t.’ Denying it was her only defence. ‘Thanks again for offering to buy drinks. I hope you have a nice evening.’ She stepped around him to join Kelly and pulled out a chair when she reached their table.
‘I’m so sorry, Alice, truly. Me and my big mouth. I just didn’t think, and I should’ve done.’ Kelly slipped her phone into her bag without looking at it. ‘Are you all right?’
‘Yes.’ There was no point in being anything else. Alice had cried enough tears and lain awake too many nights wondering what might have been if she hadn’t lost her baby eighteen months ago. That final round of IVF had worked but still her tiny baby had slipped away just a few weeks later.
‘So why you do think a man like Zac doesn’t want to date? His phone would be on fire if he was online.’ Kelly was studying a menu and Alice knew she was trying to move away from more awkward moments.
‘How should I know? You really are asking the wrong person.’ Alice was trying to read the menu too, but Zac was still in her thoughts. Her line of sight too, if she looked up and slightly left. ‘The most likely answer is that he’s been hurt before and doesn’t want a relationship. Or maybe he’s gay and didn’t want to say so. Why should he have to explain himself to us?’
‘Trust me, he’s not gay. I saw him looking at you, remember? But you are attracted to him. You might be out of practice, but all that eyelash-batting and furtive glances tell their own story.’
Had Alice really done that? She’d definitely have to be more careful, especially when Kelly was around. ‘It’s not as though he’s going to notice me.’
‘Don’t kid yourself; he already has. And he likes you too, whatever you both might be trying to tell yourselves about dating. Why else would he make a point of coming to the bar to buy you a drink and explain that he’s not on a date?’
‘Whether or not I’m attracted to him is irrelevant.’ Having decided what to order, Alice set the menu down. ‘Can you imagine how awkward it would be if I asked him to have a drink and he said no?’
‘Well, he’s just asked if you’d like a drink, and you said no.’
‘That was totally different! That’s good manners and most people do it. I’ve met loads of attractive people in my time and have never been tempted to ask any of them out, especially ones that are guaranteed to say no. You heard what he said about not dating as clearly as I did. He literally spelled it out!’
‘You and Gareth were together far too long. Nice guy or not, until he proved he wasn’t, you have to admit he was incredibly steady.’ Kelly leaned closer. ‘In fact, I didn’t think he had it in him to have an affair the way he did. The old dog. Time you learned a few new tricks as well.’
Alice couldn’t hold back a gasp of laughter. The hurt over her marriage was getting easier and more distant with every day. It was the ache of losing her baby she couldn’t quite shake off in the same way. ‘Maybe that’s what we were missing: a bit of passion and excitement.’
‘Exactly.’ Kelly’s grin faded as her voice lowered. ‘I know you loved him, and you were happy together for most of your marriage. I just want to see you having a good time, living life a bit more freely. I had a quick look at Instagram while you were still at the bar with Zac, but I couldn’t find him on social media via Halesmere. Any idea where he hangs out?’
‘None.’ Alice was only just getting started again with social media after avoiding it for months. Too many posts popping up from old friends or acquaintances who didn’t know she and Gareth weren’t still together. ‘Here’s a thought. Maybe he just doesn’t do social media?’
