Page 17 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
But the evening turned out less than ideal, with their friends leaving in a taxi straight after dinner to attend to their poorly child at home. So instead of staying over, Alice decided to drive back as well, feeling guilty about the room they’d booked. She hadn’t drunk more than a glass of wine and she was home in an hour. The house was dark, and she crept in, unwilling to wake Gareth sleeping off his illness.
He was in bed, and he wasn’t alone. A woman she knew as a business acquaintance of his was with him. On Alice’s side of the bed. The side that held the paperback she’d forgotten to pack and the antihistamines she sometimes needed in spring and early summer. The shock was staggering.
She remembered stumbling backwards onto the landing as the door crashed against the wall, startling Gareth, who’d leaped up and grabbed some clothes. He’d shot across the room, trying to waylay her. She was already downstairs and desperately searching for the car keys she’d only just put down. In the row that raged through the house and onto the drive before he left, she knew only one thing. Her marriage was over; she would never trust or love him again.
Alice jumped as Sandy squeezed her shoulder, jolting her back to now. This different kitchen; the barn; her new life at Halesmere.
‘Alice? How are you finding it here, on your own?’ Ever the practical one, Sandy understood her well. ‘I know it’s not been very long.’
‘Yeah.’ Alice smiled, pushing away thoughts of that night. Those memories had no place here. ‘Getting there, slowly. Do you remember what you said when I first came to stay, about how the little things came sometimes make the biggest difference? Working outdoors helps, cosying up beside the fire after a meal at night. Planting, feeling the wind on my face, the sun, even the rain. It reminds me that I’m alive, moving on. Being without company in the house is strange but I think in some ways I lived inside my own head for a long time.’ She was staring through the window without really seeing the view this time. ‘I’m not sure how often I really let Gareth in. I was so fixated on having a family and keeping the business going. Looking back, it feels like I was dragging myself along because I thought if I fell, I might not get up again.’
Sandy was alongside her and she tightened an arm across Alice’s shoulders. ‘I’m so proud of you,’ she said softly. ‘It takes courage, to do what you’ve done.’
‘Doesn’t feel that way.’ She sniffed, reaching for kitchen roll. ‘Dad would…’
‘Your dad would tell you to do what makes you happy, not look back and doubt yourself every day. He was the most decisive person I’ve ever known and if he was here, he’d be saying, “Get that meadow planted, Alice my girl, and don’t forget to smell the roses.” He thought the world of you.’
Alice’s laugh was quick; she knew Sandy was right. ‘I wish he was here.’ She was used to him not being around, in a way, but there were still things she wanted to tell him, things she wished she could share.
‘I know. We all do. And we only miss him because we love him.’ Sandy’s arm slid away. ‘It looks like the workers are stopping to eat. I take it you’re going to offer them lunch as well?’
‘You did bring plenty of squash so that’s my excuse.’ Alice exchanged a smile with Sandy before her aunt opened the door to Neil’s knock.
‘Any chance of a cuppa please? We’re going to eat in the van.’
‘Would you like to join us instead?’ Sandy caught her eye and Alice wondered if she’d imagined the wink. ‘Alice has made some gorgeous soup and there’s plenty.’
‘Are you sure?’ Neil’s eyes lit up. ‘That’s a big improvement on the butties Zac knocked up for us earlier. Thanks very much, I’ll give him a shout.’
Sandy set the table as Alice blitzed the soup until it was smooth and creamy, and stirred the crème fraîche through it. She put four bowls to warm in the bottom oven and carved thick slices of sourdough, carrying them to the table with the salted farmhouse butter she’d also bought this morning at the community shop. She’d have to watch it; all these goodies she never normally ate were far too tempting and close at hand.
Back in the kitchen, she saw Zac securing the chainsaw before removing his ear defenders and the helmet and visor covering his face. His black and orange protective clothing was splattered with sawdust, and he brushed most of it away. On the patio, he took off his gloves and ran a hand through unruly hair before lifting his T-shirt to wipe his face. Alice wasn’t expecting the flutter in her stomach as she wrenched her gaze away before he caught her staring.
She ladled soup into bowls as Sandy opened the door and pointed out the utility room. Both men disappeared to wash their hands and Sandy helped Alice carry the bowls to the table. Zac was finished first, and Alice almost bumped into him on her way back to the kitchen. Her gaze snagged on the T-shirt damp with sweat, a trace of sawdust clinging to his short beard.
‘What?’ His smile was wry, and she wondered if he was looking puzzled on purpose. ‘Have I got something on my face again?’
‘Your cheek.’ She swallowed. ‘It’s just some dust.’
‘Where?’
‘There, above your chin.’ She pointed, hoping she was being helpful. But her skin didn’t usually tingle this way when she was being helpful.
He raised a hand to swipe at it and she shook her head. ‘You do it, then.’
‘Really?’
He nodded. Pulse clattering, Alice touched his face and a swift kick of desire landed straight in her stomach. She brushed the dust away, trying hard not to sweep away with it her pretence that this wasn’t one of the most sensual experiences of her life. Kelly had been right; she did need to learn a few new things. Alice was aware of the heat of his skin against her palm, light on his jaw, their eyes fastened together. She flinched as the door behind him sprang open, and Neil emerged as her hand fell away.
‘Where do you want us, Alice?’ he asked cheerfully.
‘At the table – it’s all ready. I’ll bring some water.’
‘Cheers.’ Neil turned to the dining area but Zac hadn’t moved.
‘Thanks.’ His fingers against hers were so light she thought it must have been an accident.
Chairs were being scraped across the stone floor and Sandy was back to carry the second pair of glasses to the table with Alice. She was still flushed after those few moments with Zac. Did he know, could he tell, how she felt? Almost certainly – she was sure he would have so much more experience at this sort of thing than she did.
