Page 24 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘Maybe I need more time to think.’
‘To decide which one?’
‘To find one.’ She laughed, buzzing with confidence, knowing now he liked it. The hand on her back tightened and she let him drawer her closer, their bodies in sync with the music and learning about each other. ‘I’ll tell you later.’
Lizzie, Cal, and most of their friends were dancing too, and as Rachael sang the final line, Alice and Zac slowly separated, fingers still linked until the clapping began. The party was coming to an end and the switch into ‘New York, New York’ kept everyone on the floor, joining hands to make a big circle. Rachael led three cheers and well wishes for Lizzie and Cal, and those nearest to them let go so they could take their place at the centre.
At the end, Rachael offered the microphone and Cal accepted it, Lizzie at his side, arms around each other. He thanked everyone for coming and the many donations to the care charity, which had also had a great evening. He finished by saying they hoped to see everyone at the wedding and Stan shouted out that they’d better get a move on and set a date because with his workload he needed something to look forward to.
Sandy came over to say that Neil would be happy to walk them back to the barn for her car. Alice thanked her and refused as the barn was so close. They said good night, and she and Zac and strolled off together.
‘I’m driving, so I could drop you?’
‘Thanks, Zac, but it’s only a few minutes’ walk. And I might give Sandy and your dad time to get back for her car.’ Alice found her coat slung on the back of a bench seat, and Zac joined her to thank Lizzie and Cal for the party.
At the door, Alice slipped her coat on, shivering as the night air met her and still warm after dancing with Zac the way they had. He was at her side, keys in hand, as she fastened the zip and wound a scarf around her neck. ‘It was a lovely evening, thank you. I had a lot of fun and it’s been a while.’
‘So did I. Would you mind if I walked back with you?’
‘Why?’ Her heart bounced in surprise. Was he thinking of some kind of hook-up now, their evening not over? Did she want it to be?
‘Just to make sure you get home safely.’
‘Thanks, Zac, but I can almost see my gate from here.’
‘Okay.’ Two people behind them were trying to leave and Alice and Zac moved out of the way, stepping into the lane. ‘I wasn’t suggesting something else, if you were wondering.’
‘Of course not.’ So that was clear and maybe it wasn’t quite the relief she’d thought it would be. ‘Forgive me if I find it hard to keep up sometimes; this is all new for me.’
‘And me.’
‘What?’ She spun around and her laugh was almost disbelieving. ‘You’re a natural flirt – you could give lessons! I’m certainly learning.’
‘Alice, I don’t date because…’ He hesitated. ‘Because it’s complicated and I’m not great at sharing my life. Most of my friends know me, but there aren’t many who really understand. Max and Ella are two of them.’
‘Why are you telling me this?’ Alice crossed her arms, as though the gesture could fend off his words as well as the chill.
‘I suppose because I want you to know how much I like you but I’m not sure what to do about it.’ Zac slowly shook his head. ‘I did say this was new for me. But I’m leaving at Christmas and maybe you’re not ready for something else either? Something that has to end.’
‘And if I was?’ Her breath caught as she waited, trapped between two desires. One to keep her safe, another that would carry her away to a place she’d never been before. ‘I think you know I like you too.’
‘Yeah.’ His smile was a gleam in the dark. ‘So, what do we do?’
‘Maybe nothing, like you said. The flirting is fun.’
‘For sure. It’s just that, when I’m with you…’ He stepped closer, gently taking her hands to unfold them. ‘Touching you is all I can think about.’
‘That isn’t going to help,’ she whispered. They weren’t as close as they had been at the bar and still she was tingling. Why did it seem their bodies were saying the same thing and their words quite another? In tune, but not quite.
‘I know.’ His head was lowering with every second and she held her breath. ‘I promise I don’t want to hurt you.’
‘It doesn’t mean you won’t.’ Alice couldn’t close her eyes; she wanted to remember every moment.
‘I know that too. And it works both ways.’ His mouth was against her cheek, beard skimming her jaw, desire slamming into her stomach. ‘I don’t want to get hurt again either.’
‘I don’t know if I can do this, Zac, much as right now I think I want to,’ she muttered hoarsely. His hands were trembling in hers and she let them go to step back. Allowing someone else in meant being vulnerable, and she was done with feeling vulnerable ever again. ‘I don’t want to share my life either; it’s absolutely not why I’m here. I need to start over, on my own. I need to know I’m strong enough by myself.’
‘I understand. I know what that’s like, Alice.’ Zac raised her hand to his lips and kissed it. ‘Take care. I’ll see you around.’
