Page 40 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
Alice hadn’t thought to google him and learn what was available online. She was fairly sure he didn’t do social media and she liked finding out more about him as they went along, uncovering their layers little by little.
‘I’ll be leading a team of foresters in the Highlands. It’s quite a diverse role, overseeing harvesting and marketing timber, restocking, establishing new woodlands, managing the lands sustainably.’
‘It sounds great. And the Highlands, too. Beautiful.’
‘It is. I’m heading up in a couple of weeks to have a look at some properties to rent.’
‘Not buying?’ As if it would matter to her.
‘Not yet. I’ll need some time to settle in but that’s the long-term plan. My base is a small village at the southern end of Loch Ness. It’ll be me, some locals and loads of tourists searching for Nessie.’
‘Your dad will miss you,’ she said wistfully. Neil and Zac shared a closeness that reminded Alice of her own father.
‘Yeah, I’ll miss him too.’ Zac stretched out his legs, crossing one ankle over the other. ‘But I can’t keep living in his house for much longer.’
‘Because you’ll drive each other mad?’ She could well imagine it. They were both strong characters who knew their own minds, and then there was Neil’s love of chat.
‘Because it’s too easy. He likes having me there, still tries to take care of me. At thirty-two I’m long past needing to let him know when I’ll be home and who I’m with. He’s a worrier, at least about me.’
Thirty-two? Six years younger than her, if another reason was needed to remind her they were only temporary. Neither of them wanted to settle but maybe for different reasons, and one day Zac perhaps would. With a woman who could give him a family, if that was what he wanted. Not one like Alice: divorced and nearly broken by the loss of a baby she’d never held, yet had loved and longed for all the same.
‘Because he loves you.’ A simple and truthful reply. At least her own dad had been spared the emotional upheaval and sweeping changes in her life. He’d have been devastated by them, too, bereft over a grandchild he’d never know.
‘Yeah. I’m sure keeping a close eye is one reason why he wanted to work with me. But it is good, having that time together. It was different when I was racing. He was working and he came to everything he could. I was busier then too, travelling, practising, sponsors, all that stuff. Living life a bit faster. I like the pace of this one better.’
‘What cars did you race?’ Alice was imagining Zac behind the wheel, pushing a highly tuned machine to the max, and that was a thrill. ‘My dad and I went occasionally and the roar of the engines is something else.’
‘It really is. I was with a Formula Ford team before I switched to F4.’
‘Did you come up through karting? I don’t know much about it, to be honest.’
‘No, I had a very untraditional start. I came to it late, just lucky really. I had a mate who was a mechanic for a race team. I went to a test day with him and between us we somehow managed to blag them into letting me have a go. It would never happen now; I still don’t know how we did it. We were lucky I didn’t wreck the car or kill myself. I wasn’t the best at school, bunked off, got into trouble, things that don’t seem quite so clever when you look back. All I had to my name was a painting and decorating apprenticeship because my dad said he wasn’t going to carry me, and I had to learn a trade. He’s probably already told you that my mum left when I was seven.’ Zac’s resigned smile faded. ‘It took me a long time to get past the idea that it must have been my fault somehow.’
‘Oh, Zac.’ Alice wanted to wrap her arms around him, and he sighed.
‘I know. I got it, eventually. She and my dad, they wanted different lives, and he didn’t want to leave us, so she did. Then it turned out that I was quite good in the car and the team were interested enough to offer me a place, subject to me getting a motorsport licence and making some changes in my life. Training, discipline, responsibility. Dad said it was the making of me and doesn’t know how I’d have turned out in the end without it. Racing gave me an outlet for my anger, and I pushed me and the car as hard as I could. I was racing myself half the time and I hated anyone getting in my way.’
‘I’m sorry for what you went through, with your mum.’ Alice was trying to imagine it. For all that she and her mum weren’t as close as she had been to her dad, she couldn’t picture what her life might have been like as a child without her mum around.
‘Thanks, Alice.’ Zac’s gaze seemed bruised as unwanted memories slipped back in. ‘Even though it was such a long time ago it never quite goes away. I don’t think stuff like that ever does.’
‘No.’ The chasm between them was shrinking and she was falling into Zac’s life, his history, her heart aching for what he’d gone through and the man he’d become because of it. Everyone had a story and somehow theirs were becoming a thread binding them both. ‘You just find a way to learn to live with the sadness.’ She hesitated. ‘Was the accident the reason you gave up racing? I understand if you’d rather not say.’
‘I’m surprised my dad hasn’t already told you.’
‘I don’t think he’s quite had the chance. But there’s time yet; he doesn’t seem in any hurry to leave. And he’s obviously so proud of you.’
Zac raised a shoulder. ‘I’m glad I gave him something to be proud of, eventually. It was touch and go for a while. He threatened to have me arrested twice.’
Alice’s gasp was one of shock edged with laughter. ‘What did you do?’
‘Not my finest hour,’ Zac said wryly. ‘I took Hayley’s car once for a day out with mates when she needed it for work and he went ballistic; I thought he was going to lock me up himself when he found out. The second time it was a fight between a load of lads, and he threatened to haul me into the station until I managed to prove I wasn’t actually there.
‘I did my leg in when I was leading the championship, pushing to the limit as usual. The team were on at me to play it safe for a podium finish because then I couldn’t lose the championship; the points from a top three would be enough. But I hated settling for second best and the car flipped out when I was trying to overtake, and nearly took my leg with it.’
Zac reached down and Alice wondered if he was touching his leg subconsciously, making sure it had healed and he was whole again. Or as whole as anyone ever got with a fractured family history and a high-pressure career that could have killed him.
‘That was it. My season was over, I lost the championship and it was all my fault. The team were livid, among all the concern. That was the first time I finally realised I wasn’t racing just for me, that we were all in it together and they’d wanted to win too.’
