Page 41 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘But you came back?’ Alice was thinking of his recovery, the trauma that Neil had shared and how hard Zac had worked to return.
‘I had to. It was unfinished business, and I still had a year left on my contract. I won the championship the following season.’ His lips curved in a half smile. ‘And announced my retirement on the podium, soaked in champagne. Hadn’t told a soul, not even my dad, but I knew I was going to do it. The team weren’t happy, and my agent was furious; he’d already started renegotiating my contract and bigger sponsors were interested.’
‘So why did you give up?’ This was the question, and she wondered if Zac would tell her.
He drew in a long breath, staring into the flames flickering around the wood. ‘After the accident I had some counselling, for flashbacks, that kind of thing. But inside I was terrified of it happening again, losing control like that, and my dad was the only one who guessed. He tried to talk me into giving up and I wasn’t having any of it. I knew if I admitted it out loud then it would be game over and I’d never go back. It was like living in a house of cards. One wrong move, one word in the wrong ear, and I’d bring the lot down. And I hadn’t put my life back on the line to walk away a failed champion.’
Alice couldn’t stay on the sofa after that. She kneeled in front of him and took his hands. ‘That was incredibly brave,’ she whispered.
‘And stupid.’ Zac eased off the chair until he was beside her, shoulders, arms and thighs touching in front of the fire. The glow made it easier to see his face, the thoughtful, deep brown eyes loaded with memories, not all of them good. ‘I was lucky to get out in one piece. I wouldn’t do it now. I’d ask for more help.’
‘It’s quite a leap to becoming a tree surgeon.’
‘I needed it,’ he said simply, shifting his head to look at her. ‘Like you, I have to be outside. When I was in hospital, I watched patients and visitors, and staff, coming and going from a garden and it wasn’t long before I wanted to explore it, to see what they were seeing. It was like an oasis of calm among all of the crazy, and I had the idea that I could find something similar once I retired from racing. I went to college, managed to qualify, and found some work. I lived in London then and eventually I met Max through a mutual client. He’s become a really good friend and I have a lot to thank him for.’
‘I’m glad he was there for you. And so do I.’ Alice wasn’t sure who was leaning into who, and her head found its way to Zac’s shoulder. ‘It was very good of him to give a newbie like me a chance. He’s been incredibly generous with his time and advice. I try not to bother him unless it’s really important, not with the baby so close.’
‘Yeah, they’re very excited; there’s a lot going on for them right now.’ Zac hesitated. ‘Are you okay, seeing Ella and everything? It can’t be easy.’
‘I’m fine, really, and I appreciate you asking. It’s wonderful for them and I wouldn’t begrudge them a second of it. I can’t escape normal life, and I don’t want to live on the fringes because I had something awful happen to me. Everyone does.’
‘So do you think I’ll make a decent godparent, now you know what a bad boy I was?’
She shuffled round to face him. ‘Zac, that’s wonderful! You’ll be brilliant and they wouldn’t have asked you if they didn’t think so.’ She paused. ‘I’ve never dated a bad boy before.’
He huffed out a small laugh. ‘So it’s a good thing you’re not dating me, then. I might ruin you for the good ones.’
‘I could live with that,’ she whispered.
His phone on the floor lit up with a notification and they glanced it at. Alice realised the time and her smile was rueful.
‘It’s late and we’ve both got work tomorrow.’ She almost bumped heads with him as they stood, and they laughed, easy and awkward all at once. The fire had burned itself out and Zac turned off the lamp and followed her downstairs. In the kitchen she didn’t quite know how to say good night to a man who was staying over but not where she wanted him to be.
‘See you in the morning.’ But that was still a thrill and sharing breakfast if he had time would certainly be a different start to her day. ‘If you have to leave before me, just help yourself to whatever you want.’
‘I don’t think I can, not yet,’ he said softly. ‘Sleep well.’
Zac dropped a kiss on the top of her head and Alice was the first one to reluctantly turn away. In bed a bit later, unable to drift into sleep, her phone lit up and she reached for it.
Zac had messaged, followed by an emoji pulling a face:
Sorry about the snoring. I swear it’s not me.
Alice was already composing a reply:
I only have your word for it
Only one of us in this room is asleep and it’s not me.
Why aren’t you asleep?
Thinking about you. You?
Same. Got to try, though. Night
This time Zac added a kiss, and she sent one straight back.
In the morning, the house was silent as she walked into the kitchen and filled the kettle. Alice loved having a regular milk delivery from the local dairy who supplied the shop and three mornings a week she collected it from her gate before she did anything else. It was another wake-up call, stepping outside and feeling the new day on her face, whether it was wind, rain or sharp cold air. Another opportunity to feel part of the landscape and observe it changing day by day, readying itself for winter.
