Page 59 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘Do you want to take her out or not?’ Not all of Alice’s outrage was pretend now, and he laughed as he kissed her.
‘I definitely do. But only if you promise to drive us back.’
‘Deal.’
Zac drove north, keeping to the coastal route as they passed through small villages and Georgian towns with pretty, pastel-coloured properties. Alice had barely ever sat in the passenger seat of her own car, and it was a completely different and exhilarating experience to driving it herself. He handled the car so brilliantly, barely wasting an inch of tarmac, and the car, old though it was, responded. They didn’t pull over until they reached a seaside town with spectacular views of the Solway Coast a couple of hours later.
‘You’re an incredible driver.’ Alice tucked her arm through Zac’s as they wandered along a path beside the beach, hugging him close. ‘Loved every second.’
‘Thank you. And thanks for trusting me with your…’
‘Don’t you dare say “banana”! Because that will be your first and last drive if you do!’
‘I wasn’t going to,’ he protested as she wriggled free and poked him in the ribs. ‘Okay, maybe I was.’ He caught her up, wrapping an arm around her shoulders.
‘Oh, smell that!’ She loved the cold, biting air on her face, a beanie holding her hair back. ‘Fish and chips? I’m buying. It’s compulsory when you’re by the sea.’
They had to queue; even out of season, the little town was busy with visitors, and they huddled on a bench facing the beach, eating the food straight from the trays. The light was flawless, the horizon so clear they could see the Isle of Man in the distance, rising like a serene blue whale out the water.
‘I’ve never been this far north in Cumbria before,’ Zac remarked. ‘It’s beautiful and so different.’
‘Me neither.’ Alice stared straight ahead, trying not to let thoughts of him moving even further north in a few weeks spoil these hours together. For all the promises she’d made to herself, and even to him, that they were just having fun and could walk away whenever they wanted, it didn’t feel quite so easy right now.
Zac looked at her as though he was the only person who’d ever really seen her and he’d made their first time together the most wonderful experience of her life. He’d awakened senses she’d never known she possessed, and she’d found confidence and strength in his desire for her.
He’d shared with her the most vulnerable and distressing time in his life and she knew how hurt he’d been by a woman who’d loved what he represented rather than who he was. Alice had held him that night in her bed as he’d fallen asleep, knowing she would always feel something for him. He had so swiftly become a part of her life that she was coming to dread giving him up. But she wouldn’t tell him any of this; she had to make it easier and not let him suspect that she was beginning to wish things were different, that there wasn’t a lovely new job waiting for him six hours north of Halesmere, and her.
‘Ready to go? You were hungry again.’ Zac stood and took her empty tray, pausing for a kiss.
‘It must be the cold.’ She blinked away the sadness, smiling up at him. ‘Let’s go and explore the beach before we freeze on this bench; I can see rock pools.’
They lingered over coffee in a café after messing around in the sand, poking through pools in search of crabs and miniature sea creatures. The afternoon was disappearing into evening when they set off for home. Alice drove, not quite so quickly, and after an hour she realised that Zac had fallen asleep, and the sight made her heart clench. He trusted her and she trusted him. It was all very simple and yet so hopelessly complicated. She drove them back to Halesmere, holding him tightly for a final kiss good night.
‘Would you like to come back to the flat with me?’
‘I don’t think so. We’ve both got work in the morning and all that sea air has definitely made me sleepy.’
‘That, and being awake for a lot of last night.’
‘Yes.’ She’d thought of it all day: being in his arms, holding him, making love the way they had and taking care of each other. ‘Maybe we could grab a drink or dinner one night, if you’re around?’
‘That sounds a bit like one of those “I’ll call you” messages,’ Zac said lightly. ‘Only they never do call.’
‘I didn’t mean it to be. I just think we should be careful, that’s all. We’ve spent quite a lot of time together and today has been wonderful.’
‘Are you saying it’s a mistake?’ He sighed as he let go of her hand. ‘Because I know it’s not straightforward, but it doesn’t feel like a mistake to me. Right now I can’t think past you and me, together.’
‘Zac, you’re leaving,’ she said quietly. ‘We can’t keep this going, whatever it is. Six hours is a long way and neither of us needs a complication like that in a new relationship.’
‘I know, I get it. And I wasn’t looking for commitment, for anything while I’m here. My life is going to be somewhere else. But what do we do, Alice, between now and then? I want to see you and I know it won’t be easy to walk away after what we’ve shared. But if you need this to be over now, then I understand.’
‘Let’s just sleep on it and see how we feel tomorrow,’ she said softly. ‘I want to see you too.’
Chapter Seventeen
On Monday, Halesmere was excitedly gearing up for Ella and Isaac’s homecoming. Alice arrived early, half hoping to catch a glimpse of Zac before he left for work. But his van was already gone and most of the landscaping team with him. With Max on paternity leave, Will had taken over as project lead at the hotel and the team were trying to keep ahead of the weather if they could. Ana was working and doing her best to ignore Stan, who kept popping in to pass the time until Isaac arrived. In the end Alice heard her tell him if he didn’t let her get on with Christmas orders, she’d go online and sign him up for spin classes at the nearest gym. That did the trick and he shot off back to his workshop before Ana could carry out her threat.
It was dark by four and Alice was ready for home. Despite what she’d said to Zac last night, she didn’t feel any differently about him today. He was still in her thoughts, she still wanted to see him and the idea of letting go of any time they might have together before he left was an uncomfortable niggle that just wouldn’t go away. A light was on in his flat and after a moment’s hesitation, she went over and knocked.
