Page 62 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘So those are the facts.’ Jenna was searching Alice’s face. ‘But what about how you feel? And you obviously feel something for each other; you seem very easy together.’
‘It’s…’
‘Complicated,’ Jenna finished. ‘So can’t you find a way to make it less complicated? I mean, I know I’ve barely even met him but anyone who can be nice to a stranger’s children like he was to mine and smooth things over for you at the same time has got to be worth something.’
‘Neither of us are looking for a relationship or anything permanent. We’ve both been hurt before and right now we’re just enjoying each other’s company. And it’s wonderful but I can’t think any further ahead.’
Alice was telling the truth, but her resolve was weakening. If Zac wasn’t leaving, she would be hoping that this, whatever it was, might continue. That maybe they’d both learn to trust again and build the foundations of a relationship. But he was leaving, planning to make a new life six hours away and settle into the job he’d chosen. He’d make friends, connections, and eventually she was certain he’d meet someone with whom he would want to start a family. Someone who wouldn’t be her, and she needed to remember that. It would be all she had to shield her heart when he left.
‘Auntie Alice, we asked Zac if he was coming on the boat with us and he said we had to ask you if it would be all right! Can he come with us? Please?’
Alice whipped around at Lottie’s voice and her gaze went from her niece to Zac, sitting at the breakfast bar with her brother, and back to Lottie. Zac had already met the girls now; they lived far away, and he wasn’t going to be a permanent feature in their lives. What would one day matter? They’d forget him soon enough, just like she’d have to try to do.
‘Why not,’ Alice replied, and Lottie ran to Zac to high five him. He had to bend down to reach her hand and Alice was smiling as Lottie whacked it cheerfully.
Steven and Jenna loved the Flower Shed at Halesmere. Lily and Arlo were outside playing with their guinea pigs, and Lottie and Freya soon joined them, with Stan keeping a watchful eye, delighted to have two more children to entertain. Zac went across to the flat and when the girls realised it was where he lived, they wanted to see that too. He showed them around, which didn’t take long, before delivering them back to Stan’s workshop for the hot chocolate Stan kept solely for Lily and Arlo, and any other young people who might visit.
Alice had booked a table at the Hart for lunch with Sandy and the family, and Zac thanked the girls when they tried to invite him too. He said he’d see them afterwards for the aquarium and promised to meet them there. Alice, who still had to sort out a more practical vehicle for work than her Porsche, asked Steven to drop her to collect the car she’d hired for the weekend to ferry the girls around, as her beloved two-seater simply wasn’t up to the job.
Steven and Jenna set off excitedly for their precious anniversary evening away and Alice drove the girls to the aquarium, Zac already waiting for them when they arrived. The girls adored their journey around the aquatic world, from the Lake District through to Asia, Africa and the Americas via the rainforest. Freya wanted to know why leafcutter ants were always so busy and Lottie couldn’t quite see why a poison dart frog wouldn’t make a suitable pet as she liked the golden colour.
The four of them had a lovely day, which finished off with pizza in the Jetty Museum beside Windermere. After a long journey and a busy time, the girls were getting grumpy and tired. Alice scooped them into the car for home, but not before they’d elicited a promise from Zac to explore the wood with him at Halesmere tomorrow.
The next morning, the girls were up and racing around early, still excited about the different house, and Zac had messaged Alice to suggest bringing Lily and Arlo on their woodland adventure to give them a run in the fresh air, and maybe Ella and Max some sleep as well if Isaac was settled. Of course Prim was part of the expedition and with hot chocolate in flasks that Alice brought, and brownies from the community shop picked up on the way, they had a fabulous couple of hours exploring the woods and playing games. Lily and Arlo showed the younger ones all their favourite places, and only Arlo came back filthy after tumbling over in the shallow stream, making him laugh and Prim shoot back to check he was okay.
Zac stayed behind when Alice returned to the barn with the girls, and Steven and Jenna arrived to collect them at three. Loaded with snacks, toys and tablets for the journey home, the four of them were ready for the off. Alice held the girls very tightly and promised they could come and stay whenever they wanted. She hugged her brother too, who started loading the car and muttering it was unbelievable how much stuff two adults and two kids needed for one blinking night away.
‘So, all the girls can talk about is how much fun they’ve had, and that they’ve made friends with Lily and Arlo, who want them to come back and meet the new lambs.’ Jenna wrapped her arms around Alice, continuing after they’d embraced. ‘Oh, and a certain person called Zac and how cool he is and how he showed them how to tie a knot, Lottie couldn’t remember which one, and that they’re going to play acorn hide-and-seek next time they see him. Or was it mud faces? I could barely keep up! Anyway, they’ve had a blast and will hopefully sleep all the way home, so thank you. Both of you.’
‘You’re very welcome – we did have a brilliant time.’
‘And?’
‘And what?’ Alice shrugged. ‘Nothing’s changed.’ Except how much she liked Zac and enjoyed his company more each day. ‘Safe journey home, love you all.’
‘We love you too. And it’s perfectly obvious how much he likes you too, Al. All those secret smiles and shared glances. Fabulous though you were with the kids, you both definitely looked like you couldn’t wait to be alone.’ Jenna smiled wryly. ‘I can barely even remember those days. I hope you’re going to be okay; you really don’t deserve to get your heart broken again.’
‘Neither does Zac, Jenna. And I’m trying, I promise. That’s the last thing either of us set out to do.’
Chapter Eighteen
The days and weeks eased towards Christmas as December arrived with a blast of freezing weather. Talk of next year was something Alice and Zac barely ever touched on. Stan had set up a huge Christmas tree in the courtyard and everyone was gearing up for the Artisan Open Day next weekend. Decorations were popping up all over the place and Alice ordered a few new ones for the barn, as she’d only kept those that had come from her mum and dad’s old house.
Last year had been Max and Ella’s first at Halesmere and they’d swum in the tarn on New Year’s Day to raise money for charity, which Stan had gone on to declare as the first inaugural Halesmere swim, and this year Ella had asked him to choose a charity for the occasion. Stan had decided on a local hospice in town and Max, not the biggest fan of wild swimming in winter, plus Lizzie and Cal, who were, had so far signed up.
Alice’s first wreath-making workshops went really well, the guests all delighted with their creations at the end of the day, giving her further confidence in her future. She was thinking ahead, searching for ways to make the Flower Shed more interesting. It was the largest and most homely of the studios and everyone naturally congregated there when they weren’t crammed into Stan’s workshop. She was exploring the possibility of mindfulness training in the new year, as Rachael wouldn’t have the time with her new job. Ana had been very encouraging, and they joined Alice and Zac to chat about it over dinner one night at the barn.
Neil, his knee much improved, had arrived for another visit, though both Alice and Zac suspected it was as much to do with seeing Sandy as it was Zac. Alice suggested that Zac stay with her rather than sleep on the sofa in the flat as Neil wasn’t planning to leave until Christmas. The four of them ate at the pub each week and Sunday lunch at the rectory after church was becoming Neil’s domain as much as Sandy’s as he helped in the kitchen.
Alice spent every spare moment with Zac, neither of them wanting to miss a minute. They were living together in the barn, although neither of them ever quite referred to it in those terms. They had a takeaway with Ella and Max one evening, taking turns to soothe baby Isaac in between feeds.
Alice was still adapting to the physical demands of her new job and Zac would give her massages when she was tired and ensure she slept very thoroughly by making wonderful love to her. Wise words about being sensible with her heart were no use when she woke before him and saw his face peaceful in sleep, the short curls she loved on the pillow beside her. Resolve not to miss him when he left would disintegrate every time she caught his grin across the courtyard and he would run over for a kiss, or message to say he’d pick up something for dinner so they could relax after work and not cook.
Halesmere was evolving again, and Sandy held the first community lunch in the barn, assisted by Neil, who had also gained a food hygiene certificate and wanted to make himself useful. The Artisan Open Day was a huge success, following on from last year, and Alice had enquiries for more courses as well as a couple of private events. Max, a gifted classical musician himself, had arranged for a young cellist from Cumbria to stay in the flat from January to begin her career as a professional musician. Even Stan had been seen to wipe away a tear when he’d heard Maura playing, although he’d insisted it was a bit of sawdust in his eye.
One studio was changing, and from February beautiful and scented natural soap handmade from Jersey milk would be on offer, and Lizzie planned to use it for guests in the house. Ella’s parents were settling in, and her mum was often out with the children and the pram, giving Ella a chance to sleep in between feeding Isaac. Alice knew she had found her home here, and it was a comforting thought helping to keep away the chill of Zac’s leaving.
The day before Christmas Eve was an opportunity for everyone at Halesmere to celebrate together if they could. Stan was in charge of entertainment, and he found a local brass band who played carols after a sumptuous meal cooked by a couple of students from the catering college in town. Everyone was there, except Ana and Rachael, who’d already left to visit Rachael’s family in Wales. Alice and Zac sat together throughout, hands linked whenever they could. Each smile they shared was sadder than the last, each touch more meaningful than their first.
