Page 68 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘You mean the baby has!’
‘Yeah, sorry.’
‘Good job it’s a summer baby,’ she said lightly, trying to ease past the emotion of seeing him. ‘I can’t wear my waterproofs now; they’re already too tight.’
‘Shame. You know how good you look in them.’
‘Funny, you’re the only person who’s ever said that.’
‘But you’re okay? You and the baby?’
‘We’re fine, at least I hope so.’ She bit her lip. She just needed to get this next appointment out of the way. ‘I can feel them moving more every day and my bump has definitely expanded.’
‘I saw.’ Zac smiled and her heart jolted at the sight. ‘I looked it up – more like the size of a banana now.’
‘Yes.’ She hadn’t expected that, imagining she was the only one who’d bought books, been online and was making a wish list of items for the new nursery. She spent part of her evenings outdoors in her garden when she could, enjoying this first glimpse of spring in her new home. She wanted the baby to grow up in nature, to run around and feel the rain, the wind on their face, and she wandered in the woods most days, hoping all this would somehow filter down to their child. ‘We’re a bit early. I suppose we might as well go in.’ Alice checked her phone.
‘Have you thought about asking if they can tell what sex the baby is?’
‘Yes. But I’m not going to, I’d rather wait until they’re born and know then.’ That day was still months off, a hazy one far in the future when dreams of her own family would finally be real. ‘What about you?’
‘I wouldn’t mind but it’s your decision.’ The hospital corridors were busy as they walked along, following another couple who were hand in hand. Alice had to quash the moment of sadness. Zac was here, he wanted to be a good father and they’d gone into their time together knowing it would end, never imagining that they’d always be linked by this baby. It would have to be enough.
‘You’re the one who’s doing this every day, Alice. I’m the one who’s miles away, just checking in.’
They sat in silence until she was called for the scan and a blast of nerves had her finding his hand. He gripped it, not letting go until she was comfortable on the couch, tissue tucked into her newly purchased maternity trousers and her stomach exposed. He was at her side and this time it was his hand who found hers to hold it.
The gel was cool on her skin as the sonographer smoothed the probe across her stomach, and Alice saw the very obvious black and white outline of their baby on the screen. A head, arms, legs, even a cute little nose. She couldn’t help it: tears were hovering, and she glanced at Zac, who was staring with equal awe at this first sight of their child.
‘We don’t want to know what sex the baby is,’ she said hastily. ‘We’re going to wait.’
The sonographer assured them that was fine, and she was quiet as the scan continued, pressing the probe more firmly on Alice’s bump from time to time. The screen was slightly angled away from her, and she concentrated on steadying her breathing. Then it was over, and she heard Zac’s rushed breath escape when the sonographer confirmed that all looked fine and the baby was progressing as normal, as far as it was possible to tell.
Alice wiped the gel from her stomach and stood up slowly. She laughed at the wonder on Zac’s face, certain it must be on her own, and this time their hug was a tight, totally natural one. Back outside in the spring sunshine, they paused, about to say goodbye and head off separately, and Zac spoke first.
‘Would you like to have a coffee or something, before I go? We should maybe talk about August and what’s going to happen when the baby comes.’
‘Are you sure you’ve got time?’
‘Another hour’s not going to make much difference.’
Zac followed her into town, and they parked in a supermarket. The café inside was busy, bland, and she settled on green tea as there was no ginger. He brought their drinks over, along with the toasted teacake she’d requested.
‘Thank you. I’m so hungry these days. If I didn’t know I was pregnant, I’d definitely be suspicious about eating for two. It’s probably all the hours I spend outside.’
‘You look amazing.’ His lips were smiling but he wasn’t quick enough to disguise a glimmer of sadness in his eyes. ‘Have you made a start on the nursery?’
‘I’ve chosen a few things but not ordered them yet. I was waiting for the scan to be over, so I’ll get on with it now. Stan’s put his name down for decorating. I’ve found a calm pale green, almost white, and he’s itching to get started.’ Alice laughed and it faded as she caught the suggestion of hurt in Zac’s expression. ‘I’m sorry. It’s just, time doesn’t stand still, Zac, and I can’t expect you to give up your weekends to do stuff with me.’
‘You haven’t asked me.’
‘Well, there’s plenty do to,’ she said lightly. ‘If you’re up for building furniture, then… My flat pack skills aren’t the best. You’ll always be welcome, I promise. I’m not trying to shut you out.’
‘I know, and I’m sorry.’ His hand reached across the table to hers, until he changed his mind and withdrew it. She was glad and sorry all at once; it would be too easy to fall back into what they had once shared only to have to give it up all over again.
‘How are things with work? I know you’ve found someone to take care of the meadow.’
‘Good,’ Alice confirmed. ‘They’re going to look after the garden as well, at least for the rest of the year. I’ll still be running courses until the baby comes and then I’ll take some time off. I’ve had plenty of offers for babysitting, and my mum wants to come for an extended stay.’
