Page 71 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
‘So are you unhappy, then?’ She raised her hand some more to shield her eyes from the evening sun behind him.
‘Not any more.’
‘Oh!’ The car keys in her other hand rattled nervously. ‘Right, well, that’s great. I can go then, and let Ella and Max know you’re all right.’ Alice paused. ‘Why aren’t you unhappy? Not that it’s a bad thing, of course! I just wondered.’
‘Because I’ve left my job. I sent the email today.’
‘What? I’ve driven for seven hours and that’s it? You’ve left your job?’ The hope was already disintegrating, and she glared at him. ‘Well, if it’s career advice you want then I’m definitely not the right person. Max should be here, not me.’
‘It’s not just about the job and I’m not sorry Max isn’t here. Alice, why did you drive all the way up here?’ Zac glanced at the bright yellow Porsche parked beside her and his own smile was back. Hopeful, like hers.
‘Because I… Because Ella said I should!’
‘So there was no other reason?’
‘I was worried too,’ Alice shot back. ‘I don’t want you to be unhappy either.’
‘Because?’ He was walking very slowly towards her.
‘Because I care about you! What is this, twenty questions! I’m here because…’ Again the words faltered in her throat.
‘Say it.’
‘Say what?’ She had to dredge up every ounce of strength not to reveal the only words in her mind. The ones she’d really driven six hours with three loo stops to tell him. ‘Why did you leave your job?’
‘Because I don’t really like it. Because it’s not hands-on enough for me. But mainly because it’s here. Not where you and our baby are.’ Zac halted right in front of her and took her hands. ‘If you need me to tell you first that I’m love with you then I will. If you need to know I’ve missed you every single day since I’ve been here then I have. If you want to know that leaving you was the hardest thing I’ve ever done, then it’s true. Walking away from racing having achieved what I’d set out to do was enough. Walking away from you when my heart knew we weren’t done was worse. Alice…’ He squeezed her hand, laughter brightening his eyes. ‘The moment I saw that crazy yellow car I knew why you’d come. No one, not even a person who adores driving, sits in a car for six hours for someone they don’t care about. You can give me all the career advice you want, and I’ll listen but we both know why you’re really here.’
‘I told you, because I’m worried about you!’
‘That’s not it.’ Zac gently pulled her nearer, shielding out the sun. ‘Wow, that banana has really grown. How am I going to hold you close now, Harvey?’
‘You want to hold me?’
‘Every day,’ he said simply. ‘Every day and every night, always. And this one.’ A hand went to her bump, and he laughed. ‘I didn’t miss that kick. Do you think we’ve got a footballer in there?’
‘Or a rugby player?’ Alice was laughing with him, certain now, happy, home. She could tell him what she’d really come to say.
‘What about cars? It’s in the genes.’
‘Definitely cars, especially bright yellow ones. My Porsche is a family heirloom.’
‘Alice, I love you.’ Zac raised a shoulder and a tear escaped from his eye. He tried to laugh as he brushed it away. ‘I’ve loved you since that night Isaac was born and I fell asleep in your arms. I knew it when I woke up and saw you beside me, and I felt like my future was right there. But that wasn’t supposed to happen and I was afraid of letting you know and getting us into something we weren’t looking for. I thought moving away would change how I felt but even that didn’t work. I was shocked about the baby, we both were, but I want to share every part of their life with you. Together, as a family.
‘I grew up with a mum who left me and Hayley behind and Dad was brilliant; he was always there for us. But home didn’t feel quite right afterwards and whenever I went to see my mum, her place wasn’t home either. It was like having a foot in two camps and not quite belonging in either. I thought I’d found a home with Serena but looking back it was just an illusion. It was all about the racing and what we felt didn’t exist beyond our careers. I clung to the idea of being in love with her for a long time; I just didn’t know what else to do.’
‘Oh, Zac. I’m sorry.’
‘It’s okay, you don’t need to be. I was planning to tell you how I felt at the christening and then Stan dropped our bombshell, and everything changed. You made it clear you were fine on your own and I thought it was just me who felt that way. I didn’t think we had a chance.’
‘I needed time to know I would cope on my own before I told you,’ Alice whispered. ‘I needed to be certain if you walked away.’
‘You thought I’d do that?’ His eyes were shimmering.
‘It was a massive curveball for both of us and I wasn’t sure,’ she told him seriously. ‘But I want our baby to know their father more than anything. More than you and me.’
‘You’re amazing and I love you.’ Zac placed his hands on her shoulders. ‘There, I’ve said it twice. Three times, in fact. Now it’s your turn because however much you love that car, you didn’t bring it all the way up here to ask me if I’m okay.’
‘I didn’t?’ She was teasing him now and she missed it, and him, so very much. Some of the laughter had left her life when he’d left too, and she wanted it back.
