Page 9 of Starting Over at Halesmere House
She’d stood still, alone, for the first time aware of the scent of the earth beneath her feet, leaves rustling, light twinkling as it fell through the canopy, birdsong. This time her eye drew her mind to tiny details she’d never noticed before: a perfect pinecone she’d brought home as a reminder of all she’d felt; gnarled and twisted roots anchoring the trees to the ground; the soft, springy touch of moss on bark, like a blanket beneath her fingers.
That day she’d slumped to the ground and howled, releasing all the emotions she’d kept pent up for months as she’d tried to keep going, keep working. When the tears were spent and she was still leaning against a solid trunk, she felt almost as though the wood was holding her, letting her know that the worst was over, and she’d be okay.
Alice couldn’t be in the office any longer. She needed to be outdoors and realised it was essential to her wellbeing. She’d also never lived properly on her own and it was a leap she was going to have to make. Back in Sheffield there was some shock among the staff when she shared her plans, but there was encouragement too, and the company was in very good shape. It wasn’t long before a buyer was found and the transition to new ownership underway.
Every single day now, she made time to notice a detail in nature. It might be the smell of the earth after rain, a bird calling or the feel of a breeze on her face, each enough to lift her mood and restore some energy. All of it brought calm and happiness; all reminded her that life did indeed go on and she would somehow survive this newly single one just fine.
Alice tugged her hood up and slid her phone into a pocket as she left the courtyard and headed down a track towards the meadow. At the gate she took a deep breath, as well as a few images for social media, trying to quell a moment of panic. Why did such a small-sounding plot on paper look so huge in real life? This acre of land was her responsibility now and it was so very different to her previous career. Signal wasn’t great and she decided to upload her images to Instagram later. She didn’t mind the conditions when she was wrapped up; the rain was easing and working outside was her reality now, making her feel more alive. Her days would be dominated by nature and the weather, and both would bring their own challenges.
The meadow was very different to when she’d last seen it a few weeks ago, as summer had been drawing to a close. She forced away nerves at the thought of the work ahead to make it a viable space to grow flowers. Weeds were still evident but with temperatures dropping, no more would appear for now. The meadow was surrounded by post and rail fencing, and firmly hemmed in with chicken wire, which Max had explained also ran underground in an attempt to keep rabbits out and away from the plants. He’d left a wide space for wildlife beyond the fence, letting nature take over as it chose.
Alice had upended her life for this land and its promise of healing, sweeping her old one away in the wake of her divorce. As she opened the gate, she allowed herself a merry little dream of next summer, of the days when the meadow would be bursting with bright colour, and full of beautiful flowers she would collect and share.
Walking the boundary was something she planned to do every day if she could, and she set out slowly. She needed to understand this plot, to recognise where the sun landed the longest and the water held before draining away. All would affect what she planted and where, and getting in the hundreds of spring bulbs she’d bought was top of her list of jobs, along with sowing seeds in the new polytunnel. She kept to neat paths covered in chipped bark as she strolled, not wanting to disturb the soil in these wet conditions and risk damaging its structure, already thinking of extending the herbaceous perennial planting next year.
After her walk, she spent a happy couple of hours reorganising the polytunnel and cleared a corner ready for a small table and couple of chairs, so she had somewhere cosy to retreat if – when – the weather turned really nasty. It was almost winter but there was still so much to do, and a laugh escaped into the cold and damp air. She would be okay. She was finally here and would make the life she wanted.
By Saturday, Alice was making good progress. Max had arranged for a delivery of manure to mulch the soil in the meadow and improve it. The bags were piled up neatly in the polytunnel, along with a wheelbarrow Stan had fetched down. She’d emptied twenty bags so far and it was smelly, dirty work. Still, she relished it, cleaning herself up in the studio as best she could and walking back to the barn each day.
Every morning, her body liked to remind her that it wasn’t yet used to this type of work, and she stretched before she set out. She’d already caught up with Ana, who was a jeweller based at Halesmere and ran early morning yoga sessions in the barn, and she planned to join Ana for one next week. Alice would have loved a long, hot bath each night but there wasn’t one right now as replacing the bathroom was the final job on a list the previous owners of the barn had almost completed, and work was due to start again in a few weeks. She couldn’t wait and made do with hot showers for now.
She’d ordered far too many packets of sweet pea seeds, but she simply couldn’t resist them, which maybe wasn’t a sensible prospect for the financial future of her new business. But then her mind would catch on the image of the flowers clambering around the meadow next summer and she filled cell after cell with compost and plump seeds. They would overwinter in the polytunnel and she could plant more in spring to ensure a good supply of her favourite flowers, which smelled divine. They reminded Alice of sunshine, of the heady scents of long, hot days – a distant dream in the mist and moods of a Cumbrian autumn.
Last night, Ella and Max had joined her at the barn for dinner. Ella had just returned from a visit to her parents in Scotland before they moved to Halesmere to help with the growing family and the holiday business. Alice had known Ella was pregnant, with the baby due in less than a month, but the reality of seeing her huge bump after a few weeks’ distance was a shock, which she’d done her best to conceal as she congratulated both of them again. Ella chatted about the nursery they’d decorated for the baby and their daughter Lily’s plans for another chicken to add to their flock of four the moment the baby was born. Alice made sure to be happy for them; she refused to mourn her own circumstances forever or hide away from everyone else’s families because she didn’t have her own.
‘If I’d remembered about you being such a brilliant chef before coming to Halesmere, Ella, I would probably have booked a table at the pub and invited you both there instead,’ Alice said. They were upstairs in the sitting room, cradling coffees after a dessert of Eton mess, with peppermint tea for Ella. A few lights were twinkling in homes scattered about the valley and for Alice it was a welcome change from the blare of the city.
‘Oh, your risotto was gorgeous, Alice, thank you. Loved it, and it’s so nice to be cooked for. Max does his best but Arlo’s never impressed when it’s his dad’s turn in the kitchen.’ Ella nudged Max with a foot and he laughed.
‘Just another reason why we all love you so much,’ he replied to Ella softly. ‘And this one.’ He reached across to cover her hand on her bump with his and Alice gulped. ‘Halesmere might have gained a brilliant new manager when my mother schemed to bring you here without telling me, but I’m thankful every day that she did.’
He glanced from Ella to Alice. ‘Just don’t tell her I said so, although I’m sure she knows it. We’re so pleased you’re here, Alice. Ella and I think the Flower Shed and you will add so much to Halesmere, and Lizzie’s looking forward to extending your courses to guests next year.’
‘Thanks, Max, I really appreciate all the support and help you’ve both given me. I’m excited to see what the future holds now I’ve finally made the move.’
The three of them chatted about Halesmere and how best to manage Max’s new design for the gardens now it was built. It was late when Ella and Max left to relieve Pearl, who was babysitting, and Alice had fallen into bed, slowly getting used to the silence of living here alone.
She’d emailed Ray and thanked him for the mountain bike he’d sent her, a very generous gift she didn’t feel deserving of after selling the company. The bike in its box was still sitting, ignored, in her studio and Alice felt unsteady every time she caught sight of it, reminded of the challenge she had set herself. But it couldn’t stay there forever and she’d made herself order a cycling helmet and checked which tools she needed to build the bike.
This afternoon, Kelly was arriving from Durham for an overnight stay and Alice hadn’t given the dating app or her profile another thought since they’d last spoken. She’d only been on a couple of dates since her divorce, introduced to someone who was a friend of a friend, but it was clear from the start they had little in common beyond an interest in cars. They’d politely parted ways after a drink and one dinner.
Back at the barn after a morning spent sowing the last of her sweet peas, Alice just had time to grab a shower and make up the bed in the guest room before Kelly arrived, bringing her usual energy and a small case that she kept on standby for when she might be required to travel with little notice.
‘Love it, Al, the pictures don’t do it justice. It’s so cosy.’
‘Thanks, Kelly.’ Alice had made indulgent hot chocolates and, after a tour of the barn, they were enjoying the view from the terrace, wrapped up against the cold, cheeks stinging from the sharp breeze. ‘I wasn’t sure it would be quite your thing. A bit too rural maybe.’
‘It’s certainly that but I can totally see why you love it, after Sheffield.’ Kelly tugged her chunky scarf a little higher. ‘And you’re okay, on your own?’
‘Fine,’ Alice replied determinedly. She didn’t always feel fine, especially when she woke in the middle of the night in a strange house, but she’d get there. She had to. ‘Anyway, you haven’t come over to listen to me blathering on again. I’m much better than I was and being here is helping. Everyone’s been great.’
‘I’m so pleased. And I’ll listen to you any time you want, you know that.’
‘I do, and thanks.’ Alice shot her a grateful smile. ‘But I’d much rather hear all about your hot head-hunter guy. Tell me the latest.’
‘Sure you want to hear it?’
‘Hey, this is me! I’m your oldest friend and if you think I begrudge you happiness because I had a rotten break-up, then I’m doing something wrong. Of course I want to hear it!’
