Page 9 of Snowfall Over Halesmere House
‘I’m not really sure I have one yet.’ A whisper this time, moisture gathering on her palms, thickened words forced from a dry mouth, wishing she wasn’t having to confront her past in order to face her future. ‘I’m hoping I might find out while I’m here.’
She dropped her head before he saw too much and prayed her reply would do. For all his antagonism she recognised his intuition and knew she was close to revealing her most private self, something she almost never did. He was pushing her in ways she wasn’t used to, weakened as she was by the change in her circumstances, and she didn’t yet have replies for all his questions.
‘There are three people out there who don’t want you to go, Ella.’ Max pointed to the door, beyond which sat his family. ‘And as you already have a written offer of employment from my mother, then our present situation is not entirely straightforward.’ He paused. ‘If you give me the truth about why you left your job then you’re in for the three months my mother has promised you. We’ll work it out, subject to the usual checks and references that any responsible parent would want.’
Ella felt dread running through her, the clutch of anxiety in her stomach at the thought of sharing her story with someone who was a stranger still. She pressed her palms against her thighs. ‘And if I don’t want to?’
His gaze was suddenly kinder, and she was shocked to realise he was offering to trust her, asking her to trust him with her truth. ‘Then I can’t let you stay.’ He picked up the glasses and put them back on. ‘My children come before everything, and I need to know.’
She nodded, she understood. It made perfect sense; she would be doing exactly the same if it were her sitting in his seat. She thought of her flat in Brighton, already occupied; pictured herself trailing Dylan around Chamonix or working in some pub for the winter, rushed off her feet preparing hundreds of bland Christmas dinners. But there was really only one choice and she made it. It would be part of moving on, a way to step forward. To continue with the healing that never quite ended. She was certain her parents would have cheered if they could have heard her.
Her voice was a croak, the words dredged up from somewhere deep inside. ‘I lost my twin sister Lauren when we were twelve. She only ever wanted to be a chef and I had to do it for her.’ Ella’s chin was trembling. ‘I thought it was maybe time to try and find out what I want to be.’
She was not going to cry. Those days were over; there had been so many of them in the years following Lauren’s sudden illness. Ella stared through the window, at her feet and the coffee table between her and Max as she fought the effort it took not to let new tears fall. And all of it was lost the moment she looked up and saw the sympathy, the understanding in his face, and her bottom lip quivered as a single tear trailed down her cheek.
‘Here.’ He reached across the table to offer a handkerchief she was still fumbling for in pockets she didn’t have. ‘I’m so sorry. It never really matters how long ago, does it? Thoughts of the people we’ve lost are never far away.’
Ella heard something catch in his voice and her damp eyes raced up to find his, bruised suddenly, unseeing on hers. ‘You lost someone too?’ She’d sat in enough bereavement counselling waiting rooms to understand that look, how he had instantly recognised her distress.
‘Yes.’ His voice was level, dulled. ‘My wife Victoria, two years ago, when Arlo was two.’
Ella’s breath caught. If she’d been different, more demonstrative, then she would have reached out, touched his hand perhaps and offered her own empathy through the gesture. Her fingers flickered, the thought hovering still, and she clenched them together, the moment gone. She and Max were very different and somehow the same, just two more people who lived with loss in their lives.
‘Max, I’m so terribly sorry. I had no idea.’ Poor Lily and poor little Arlo too, Ella thought wretchedly as more tears welled up for the children, their shattered family, and for Max. She felt a splinter in her boundaries, her defences slowly diminishing through their shared experience as his gaze refocussed on hers. ‘Your mother mentioned that you were a single parent, but I assumed you were divorced, she didn’t say anything else about your circumstances.’
‘It’s fine. Thank you.’ Max picked up his cup, put it down again when he saw it was empty. ‘Well, it’s not but we’re learning how to keep on living with it. I’m sorry for pushing you for a reply, I wasn’t expecting something so difficult. I just thought maybe you’d had an affair with your boss or pinched the company silver— Sorry,’ he added hastily. ‘That was rather flippant.’
Ella’s gasp ended up being one of laughter, and she appreciated his rather clumsy attempt at altering the direction their conversation had taken. ‘Well… Not the silver, anyway.’
Her gaze shot to her hands, clenched on her pink knees. That hadn’t been quite the right thing to say, even if it was the truth. But the brief affair with her charismatic and sexy former boss had ended the moment Ella found out he was not divorced, as he had said, but only recently separated from a wife who had no idea he was playing around and wanted him back. Dylan had warned her not to get involved and she’d ignored all her instincts and lived to regret it.
‘More coffee?’ Max leapt up, grabbing their cups, and knocked his over. A few drips of coffee trickled onto the table, and he ignored the mess as Ella swiped at it with his handkerchief, staining it brown.
‘Yes please,’ she croaked, leaving the ruined cotton in a crumpled heap. She wouldn’t be washing that and returning it to him, it was going straight in the bin. She’d have to buy him another if he insisted on having it back.
But she did take his not throwing her out of his office after her little revelation to be a good sign. ‘I don’t usually, er, get involved at work, you know, like that. That was the first and only time. A mistake.’ She faltered, knowing she was oversharing and probably making things worse.
‘It’s fine. I don’t need to know.’ Max was at the coffee machine and grinding noises soon followed. She wondered, in a moment of mild hysteria, if it was his teeth or the beans. ‘And for the record, neither do I.’
And he hadn’t been required to tell her that either, she thought as he returned with two more espressos and passed one across the table. Ella recognised a glimmer of the attraction that had flashed between them yesterday. She read the rules in his eyes, confirmed them with her own unflinching gaze, letting him know she understood, agreed. Never would they go there.
Chapter Four
‘Thank you.’ Ella’s voice was steady again and she was grateful for the second coffee. She needed the boost after a most unusual twenty-four hours.
‘Can you run me through the duties my mother wants you to carry out?’ Max had also restored the crisp professionalism to his voice.
Ella was relieved to be back on safer ground, even if she wasn’t certain what her role at Halesmere actually looked like yet. ‘Noelle explained that you’re ready to accept bookings now the house has been renovated and are considering ways to be creative in encouraging new guests. That’s to be my main area of responsibility.’
‘And my children?’
‘She suggested it would be helpful if I collected them from school two or three times a week and looked after them until you were home.’ Ella wondered if she would have accepted the job if she’d known that Lily and Arlo had lost their mum. Would she have wanted to become involved, however temporarily, with a family recently moved and at the beginning of a new life far away from their old one?
Max ran a hand across his jaw. ‘That could be useful,’ he admitted eventually. ‘We walk to school every morning and I work after I’ve dropped them off. I often have client meetings on site and I’m still establishing my landscape team and building relationships with local suppliers and not always available at three p.m. My mother helps when she can, and they go to after-school club sometimes.’
‘I understand. I’d be happy to help.’ Another flicker of sympathy followed as Ella thought of him trying to balance his career with Lily and Arlo alongside his own loss. He must miss his wife immensely.
‘Thank you. Only when necessary. I take care of my children myself.’
