Page 51 of Christmas at the Home Farm Vets
She stopped talking lest her expression was doing it for her. It was so difficult to look at him and pretend they hadn’t shared a lingering kiss before she’d left home earlier.
‘I don’t need time to think about it; I’m more than happy to accept. I haven’t made any plans for January yet and I’d love to stay on.’
‘But what about your family?’ she rushed out. Her heart was aching that she and Gil had presented him with a difficult choice, and for a fleeting moment she wished things were different, that work hadn’t suddenly stepped between them in a way she hadn’t seen coming. ‘Won’t they mind not seeing you for Christmas?’
‘I’m sure we can catch up in the new year.’ His eyes caught hers and she read the glimpse of pleasure amongst the professionalism, the realisation that Gil’s sudden new plans would give them more time together over the holidays, too. ‘And you need me here.’
That much was true, and it would be almost impossible to find a new locum in time, especially one who fitted so well into their small team. He shared in the fun, he made them laugh and Erin had seen time and again that he was an outstanding vet who had boundless compassion for his patients. And he was so good with Marnie, and she knew he was as attached to her as she was.
Gil shook Oli’s hand delightedly, and after Erin had thanked him too she made her escape. She had a full list this morning and needed to get on. It was evening before she saw Oli again and she was at home when he arrived, sitting on the floor playing with Marnie. The kitten liked to leap onto the sofa and stalk along the back with an important air before sliding down the other arm.
Oli had left chicken, chorizo and peppers in the slow cooker this morning and Erin added rice to finish it off. It smelled wonderful and she was hungry after an early start and a busy day, with clients making last-minute appointments before the practice closed for the holidays. She would be on call on Christmas Day, with Oli taking Boxing Day. This wasn’t anything new, but at least her mum would be here to share the day with them, and Erin had booked the luxury of a taxi for Heather to make sure of it.
They ate with plates on their knees after she’d fed Marnie, who’d fallen asleep in her bed, tired after racing around. Tomorrow was Christmas Eve and Erin was hoping the snow on the way wouldn’t impact their work too much.
‘How are you feeling, after seeing your dad yesterday?’ She put her empty plate aside and he did the same. Other than on the drive home, when he’d been quiet and reflective, they hadn’t had any more opportunity to talk about this.
‘I’m okay, thanks.’ He leaned back, letting his head rest against the sofa. ‘It’s hard though, after years of believing it was Dad’s fault their marriage ended to suddenly find out that it wasn’t him at all. And if I’m honest, I’m sad for all of us because I think the truth would have hurt less. And Mum, all those years with Gillian. Imogen messaged me and said she suspected but it wasn’t obvious. I think I was too busy being angry at Dad after Mum died to see it, so what does that say about me?’
‘It says you were hurt and trying to protect yourself,’ Erin said gently. ‘Please don’t beat yourself up about your mum. She never found a way to tell you and maybe she thought that was for the best. From what your dad said she was happy, and he’s happy too, with Christina.’
‘Yeah. I’m glad he has that, because I’ve blamed him for so long.’
‘I’m sorry that work has got in the way of your Christmas with them.’ Erin found his hand to hold it; she simply couldn’t not. ‘Imogen’s going to be disappointed.’
‘They’re used to it,’ he said lightly. ‘We haven’t done Christmas together in a long time. Hopefully we can do it next year.’
‘But what about you?’
‘I’m fine, we’ll be busy and you need me here,’ he said firmly. ‘Like I said, I don’t do much to celebrate.’
‘Well, at least you can thank Marnie for not having to live in a holiday movie set,’ Erin told him, and he laughed. ‘And of course you’re welcome to share in everything Mum and I do.’
‘Like what?’ he said suspiciously.
‘Christmas lunch and something on telly, then probably a board game and a movie.’ It would be strange to spend the day without her grandparents, but that was their choice, and she couldn’t push them. Her nan would be cooking lunch at home come hell or high water, run off her feet and loving every minute. Joyce always said she’d never step aside while she had breath in her body and two legs to keep her upright.
‘That doesn’t sound too bad. I think I can cope.’ He squeezed her hand. ‘Erin, I really am thrilled about your role at the practice whilst Gil’s away. I know you’ll be excellent, and I’ll support you totally.’
‘Thank you, that’s lovely and I so appreciate it.’ She took a deep breath; there was something she needed to say, and she was dreading it. ‘But I have been thinking, about you and me. If you agree, I think we should put our relationship on hold until Gil gets back. And that you should stay in your own room for now. We’re so new, and I really can’t afford any distractions whilst he’s away.’
‘You’re not serious?’ Oli shifted a shoulder to stare at her. ‘Because I don’t have any problem with you being my senior at the practice if that’s what’s concerning you. I understand that we have to be careful, but we’re both adults here, and more than capable of doing our jobs, even if we do feel a lot more than professional respect towards one another.’ He paused. ‘The last couple of nights with you have been incredible, and of course I want that again. I want us to fall asleep together after making love, to wake up in the morning with you beside me. And I want the hand holding, the laughter and the coming home together.’
‘But you won’t be here, not forever,’ she burst out, unwilling to let such thoughts settle in her mind. She wanted all that too, but she didn’t see how they could have it, not when his own plans were so uncertain. ‘You’re leaving, Oli, and we both knew that settling down isn’t what you want. My life is here, my family, my career, my home, Marnie. My everything, and I can’t just take off when I feel like it. Are you seriously saying that you’d settle here, in this house, so we can be together?’
‘And what if I am?’
Erin’s shoulders crumpled and she couldn’t allow herself to believe it, not really. Not when her mind was full of the coming days at the practice, and the thought of being senior vet was still making her stomach swoop. ‘That’s not something we should talk about now. Please, Oli, let me do my job, and if you still feel the same way in January we can discuss it then.’
Chapter Twenty
The following morning Gil, Pippa, Harriet and Alfie had already left for Australia and Erin found it strange to be taking the morning staff meeting without him. She’d done it before when Gil had been unavailable, but this time it was different, and she struggled to meet Oli’s eyes. He’d moved back into the spare bedroom last night and she’d missed him horribly. It felt like a very backward step in their relationship, and she was confused by the conflicted emotions filling her mind.
Elaine was house sitting to look after Lola and Maud, plus the ponies, and both dogs knew something was amiss without their family around. Posy hadn’t thawed towards Flo yet and before he’d left, Gil had erected another strand of electric fencing in the paddock so they could graze separately but within sight. Flo was slowly putting on weight and Harriet had been practising leading her around the yard and getting her used to being handled. Dorothy had mentioned that she used to drive a skewbald cob around the dale and Harriet had already asked her to teach Flo in the summer.
It was a full-on morning of farm calls and Erin felt chilled from the inside out as she drove, as flat and heavy as the grey skies laden with snow, after the decision she’d made to ask Oli to sleep in the spare room again. She was glad to return to the practice for a late lunch, trying to summon a more festive feeling.
In the evening she wrapped her gifts and left them in her bedroom, not wanting Marnie to assume they were toys and rip all the paper off. Oli had gone out and the cottage, even with Marnie and a festive classic on the television, felt diminished without him. She settled Marnie and went up to bed before he arrived back, aware that the return to their first difficult days here was her own fault.
