Page 58 of Christmas at the Home Farm Vets
For a frantic moment she wondered if she’d misheard him, or he was going to laugh and say he was teasing her, that of course he’d accepted the job. But the truth was written in his eyes and the world seemed to have fallen from beneath her. Blood rushed into her face and slipped away again, leaving her pale and trembling.
‘Explain?’ Her voice was a hollowed whisper. ‘How can you possibly explain that you’re leaving?’
‘Because it’s not what you think.’ A muscle was twitching in Oli’s cheek.
‘You don’t know what I think! Your contract is over, and you were always going to leave. I can’t believe I’ve let myself imagine it could ever be different.’
‘It’s because…’
‘Don’t.’ She yanked her hand free, shaking her head as though that might dislodge the hurt clouding her mind. Marnie would miss him too, and that was another level of sorrow. ‘I’m going for a shower, and I think you should leave,’ she whispered brokenly. ‘There’s no point in dragging this out.’
‘Erin, don’t do this, please. You have to let me explain.’ His voice had fallen, but she couldn’t allow herself to acknowledge the ache hovering in his eyes.
‘I really don’t, Oli. You’ve decided to leave Hartfell and that’s all the explanation I need.’ Her phone was in her hand, and she glanced at the screen as it brightened. Another message from Jason had popped up and she thrust it towards Oli. ‘Jason’s invited me to a wedding on Saturday and I’ve said yes.’ She’d agreed weeks ago but she’d never have seen it through if Oli hadn’t been planning to walk right out of her life.
‘You’re not serious? Why the hell would you do that?’ His shoulders slumped and he shook his head in disbelief.
‘Because I’m beginning to realise Jason’s just what I need,’ she told him. ‘Someone who gives me the space to work and do my job without taking over every part of my life.’
‘Someone who doesn’t respect you, your career or your achievements, you mean.’ Oli snatched up his phone and keys from the worktop, their meal abandoned. ‘Someone who doesn’t care about you, not in any way that matters.’
‘It’s better that way. Jason can’t hurt me.’
‘So what are you saying? That you and I are over?’ Oli folded his arms, and she was on the edge of the cliff again, staring into another life. One she was going to have to live without him, and her heart was already crushed.
‘We’d barely even begun. And we both knew it was always going to end.’
Chapter Twenty-Three
At work the next morning Erin sat through the staff briefing on automatic pilot, aware of the concerned glances coming her way. She’d hardly slept and was pale, barely equal to her job today. The row with Oli and her refusal to listen was lodged in her stomach like a dead weight, and even thoughts of the partnership with Gil were gone. She left Marnie in the kennels as she would be away from home all day. She had no idea what Oli had said to Gil to explain his absence since he’d packed and left the cottage last night.
She tried hard to behave as normal, but all the staff were a little flat without Oli. He’d made himself at home so quickly and even some clients were disappointed when she faced them over the consulting table and had to explain that he’d left, had moved on as planned. She set out for her calls, barely noticing the landscape that usually lifted her mood every time she laid eyes on it.
Experience and training carried her through those first few days, examining the animals who needed her care with her usual compassion and meticulous attention. She’d made herself reply to Jason, confirming she would go with him to the wedding, and she cringed every time she thought of what her mum or Jess would have to say about that. It was a stupid decision and she was already regretting it, with dread soon settling in too. He was a nice enough guy, but she knew he wasn’t for her, nor she for him.
The weekend was also the beginning of her time off and Jess had offered to look after Marnie so Erin could have a holiday if she wanted to escape for a few days. Jess and Noah’s house was coming along but she was happy to leave the mess and the dust behind for time at Erin’s with Marnie. Erin had thanked her and said she’d think about it; there didn’t seem to be anywhere she wanted to go.
It almost broke her heart all over again when Marnie looked at her sometimes, head tilted to one side, as though asking where Oli had gone and why wasn’t he here to look after her too? There was a stillness in the house, one Erin might have imagined was peaceful before he arrived. But it wasn’t peace she felt now, it was emptiness, and it matched the hurt at what she’d done in refusing to listen to him. The coffee machine was gone, and his boots no longer stood on the rack with hers; his coat wasn’t hanging from the same hook. But for her shattered heart, he might not even have been here at all. His room was tidy, the bed neatly stripped, and the duvet folded back.
On Friday before work she packed for the wedding; she had a busy day and couldn’t be sure she’d finish on time before her week off began tomorrow. The very last thing she felt like doing was attending the wedding of a happy couple madly in love and setting out on a bright new future together. And with Jason of all people, who wouldn’t know how to be romantic if she’d written him a set of instructions.
She and Oli hadn’t even had to try to find the romance in those days together, it had always been with them. It was the hot water he made sure to leave for Erin if he showered first, the morning cup of tea he made and the fire lit when she got home after him, Marnie settled and fed. The meals she cooked and he cleared up, the coffee she brought him in bed if she had to leave first. The laughter they shared and the understanding when an animal couldn’t be saved, and they had to act on a decision often made swiftly and in distress. How they held one another afterwards, knowing they’d done all they could, and it wasn’t meant to be. She hadn’t realised quite how heavy her own load was until he’d helped her carry it.
She’d listened when he’d talked of his family, her arms wrapped around him, how it felt to watch his parents divorce for reasons he only now understood. How he wished his mum could share his life still, that she was here to enjoy the excitement of Imogen and Alex’s wedding, and he could remind her he loved her. He was in contact with his dad most days and Erin knew just how much this meant to Oli, forging a different future as a family.
At the practice only Jess knew how she felt, after she’d walked round to Jess and Noah’s house the other night, desperate to talk to someone who would understand. Jess was sympathetic and Noah had tactfully left them alone, as Erin wondered how she might put right her terrible mistake, or if she even could. She planned to accept Gil’s offer of partnership and would let him know when she returned from holiday. It was a relief to pin her future to the practice and she’d always felt the life she was making in Hartfell was the right one, even if she was alone again.
After her calls on Friday morning she was in the kitchen at work, staring at a lunch she didn’t feel like eating. With Oli gone, Gil had been taking companion animal consultations and he walked in to make a coffee. He asked how she was, and her reply was a flat, distracted one. He put the kettle on, closed the door and made her a brew.
‘Erin, I know this is none of my business,’ he began. ‘But it’s common knowledge that you and Oli were friends at Cambridge, and my guess is that it’s clearly something more.’
She hung her head, both to hide her distress and the truth of those words, one hand clutching the mug of tea as though her life depended on it.
‘Your personal lives are none of my concern and I had no qualms about the two of you continuing to work together if Oli had accepted the job. Can I take it he told you why he turned it down?’
‘Not in so many words.’ She swiped at her face, ashamed of her haste that day when Oli had tried to explain. ‘I didn’t give him the chance, my default where love is concerned is usually to expect the worst.’ Erin blushed; had she really just said that word out loud and as good as admitted to her boss that she was in love with one of their colleagues? Ex-colleague, she reminded herself bitterly. Something else that was probably her fault.
‘I know what that’s like, believe me.’ Gil was still leaning against the worktop, and she was glad he’d kept some distance because she wasn’t sure she could cope with sympathy, she didn’t feel she deserved it. ‘But if me and Pippa can make it work given what we were up against, then I’m sure you and Oli can find a way too, if you want one. So here’s the thing. Oli and I had a very frank conversation when I offered him the job and he turned it down for one reason only, Erin. Because of you.’
