Page 29 of Love in the Stacks
“That’s valid,” I allow. “But speaking in public more could help you feel more comfortable.”
He blanches at the thought. “Yeah, I really don’t think so.”
As Adam drives me home, the car is dark and quiet. The silence is companionable; just right for two people who spent the last few hours talking about everything and nothing. Even though I gave so much of myself tonight, letting Adam know me in a way I haven’t with anyone new in a while, I’m surprised that I feel full, not depleted. The warmth from the seats in Adam’s car spreads into my core, my heart radiating the same heat.
He pulls up in front of my apartment and insists on walking me to the stairway leading up to my front door. We both stop at the bottom of the steps. There’s electricity between us, an energy I canalmost feel crackling in the air. I’m afraid if we touch, I’ll feel the shock on my skin like an electrostatic discharge.
Adam reaches up as if to brush the hair off my face, but stops, leaving his hand hovering in the air near my shoulder. “Thanks for inviting me, Nicole. I had an amazing time with you,” he says, his voice low and rough.
“Me too,” I whisper. I clear my throat, the spell of the cold night air and Adam’s proximity blurring the lines of my thoughts. My mouth is speaking again before my brain has time to process the words. “Do you want to come up for a few minutes?”
His hesitation, the split second of his eyes tracking my face with reluctance, is like a bucket of water on my head. It jerks me back into the real world, into my right mind.
Before Adam answers, I blurt, “Never mind!” I laugh robotically. “I mean, no, of course not. It’s late. Why would you?”
There’s regret written all over his face, an apology on his tongue. When he starts, “Nicole…”
I laugh again and dart up the stairs before he can say anything further.
“Wait, Nicole.” He extends his arm, as if to pull me back down, then drops it helplessly to his side.
“Good night!” I call behind me, feigning a nonchalance that I hope covers my supreme embarrassment. I slam and lock the door behind me, sliding my back down until I’m on the floor with my head in my hands.
Annnnd … I’m still wearing his sweatshirt.
Chapter fourteen
Adam
Iconsider texting Nicole after that debacle in front of her apartment last night, but then I think I’ll give her some space and just talk to her when I see her at work tomorrow. But I don’t see her at work. Her office door is closed most of the day. She’s nowhere to be found during the lunch hour. And even her time on the reference desk, where I could have at least walked by to see her, even if we couldn’t have talked, coincides with an online committee meeting I have to attend for a state library organization. She’s elusive; I’m pretty sure intentionally so.
She’s embarrassed. It’s not like I didn’twantto end the night in her apartment. Of course I did. Even now, my body aches to be close to her, to take up the same space. But her invitation was impulsive, and I don’t want to be a regret. Even as she said it, I felt like she was as surprised to hear the words coming out of her mouth as I was.
How do I explain that I hesitated, and would have declined, out of respect for her? Out of the hope for something more between us than a moment of opportunity? It wasn’t a rejection. And how do I explain all that without embarrassing her further, implying that I understood the shrouded intentions behind her invitation, that those intentions were there, as much as she’d like to deny it now?
When I get home, I text her.
Adam:
I didn’t see you around the library today. Everything okay?
Nicole:
Of course. Sorry our paths didn’t cross
Adam:
Can we talk about last night?
I wait a minute. Five minutes. Ten. No response. Sighing, I leave my phone on the kitchen counter as Joan and I take our evening walk.
When we return, she still hasn’t responded. I don’t hear back from her until after I’ve finished dinner and am washing the dishes.
Nicole:
No need. Nothing to talk about
Okay, so we’re pretending it didn’t happen.
