Page 52 of Purgatory
Loud knocks echo through the wall. It sounds like he’s punching the headboard again.
What in the déjà vu?
I’m suddenly reminded of the last time I encountered events similar to these. Jax’s hands around my throat. The passion that followed. The embarrassing dismissal after. I lift my ear from the wall and press my forehead to it instead, both of my hands coming to rest beside my head.
An inner battle wages war inside of me. On one side, my brain is telling me to go in there, to see if I can help him, calm him down,dosomething, anything. The other side remembers what happened the last time I went into his room. The terrified look in his eyes when he realized what was going on and how upset he became at my trespassing.
“Emma, stop!” The knocks are getting louder. Then, helets out a noise between a growl and a scream that makes my heart race, adrenaline knocking forcefully into full gear. The utter agony I feel through the wall is nerve racking and I can’t, in good conscience, let it pass through me as if it were nothing, regardless of the warnings I should heed.
Fuck this shit, I’m going in.
I make my way out of my room, down the hallway and to his door. Something is thrown at the door and hits the wood, jarring it on its hinges. I wait outside, second guessing if this is a good idea. Do you leave people alone when they have nightmares and just let it pass? I don’t know. I’m no mental health expert. After my previous experience, the logical part of my brain is waving its hands about frantically and screaminghell to the yes, you leave them the fuck alone!But I can’t let this go on. Logic can fuck right off. He could hurt himself. I make my decision and open his door for the second time. Damn the consequences.
The inside of his room is dark, with only the light from the moon filtering through the gauzy curtains. I strain my eyes for a second but then I see him lying in his bed, sheets crumpled and twisted around his feet, rendering him immobile. The upper half of his body is convulsing. He’s breathing heavily. Even in the dark I can see his chest rising and lowering at a rapid pace. Hear the ragged breaths being taken in. I move closer to the bed. At this distance I can see he’s covered in sweat. The dewy coat reflecting in the moonlight. He breathes in deeply, his muscles tightening.
“EMMA! LISTEN TO ME! STOP!”
He punches the headboard again. Both the sudden scream and the movement cause me to practically jump out of my skin. I need to stop this, quickly. I can only hope and assume he hasn’t broken any knuckles but I can’t say, with confidence, that they will be in perfect working order. I need to act fast. I can’t think of any other way to get him to stop orwake up without getting in the line of fire so I opt to try and talk to him as I keep myself at a safe distance.
“Jax, it’s Aly, it’s ok...”
Nothing. He doesn’t hear me. The nightmare continues with him writhing on the bed. Tears falling down his face. His mouth gapes open on a silent scream.
While his body is still tense, not tossing about as much as before, I take a chance and move closer, placing a hand on his forehead and slowly, gently stroke his hair back from his face.
He leans into my touch and his eyes fly open. Surprise covers his face and in one, quick move that I’m not ready for at all, he grabs my wrists and moves to get up and out of the bed. He pushes me into the wall, my wrists in his hands on either side of my head. Wild eyes look back at me, his breathing, ragged again.
“Emma... What the fuck, I told you to come right back. I told you to come back. Why don’t you listen?” Tears are streaming down his face as his voice hiccups the words with sorrowful emotion.
“Jax, it’s Aly. You’re ok. I --”
He grabs my face between in massive hands, and squeezes...hard, before smashing the back of my head into the wall. The hit is hard enough for me to see stars for a second or two before I’m able to focus again. Maybe this wasn’t a good idea after all.
“You needed to fucking listen to me, Emma. You never listen!” He screams at me.
Well... not me...
I reach up to grab his forearms, barely loosening his grip on my skull. “Jax, it’s Aly. Wake up.” I implore. My voice weak as my head throbs.
The wild look in his eyes is enough to frighten me. His grip on my face tightening, adding to the pain I already have.
“I’m so sorry, Emma... I’m sorry... I’m sorry...” he whispers. The crack in his voice shows how much pain he’s in himself. I muster the strength to project my voice, willing him to hear my pleas.
“Jax, it’s me, wake up!”
He shakes his head no. His eyes close as he looks away. He still can’t hear me, lost in his nightmare without escape.
“Jax...please...”I implore. My voice strained in my attempt.
He takes a deep breath and then returns his face to mine. The tears have ceased, replaced with a stern seriousness. His eyes open and terrifying. He’s staring directly into mine but not seeing me at all. He’s seeing Emma.
Is this what happened to his girlfriend that day? Is he reliving that nightmare right now? Has he been reliving those horrors again and again this whole time?
“I have to Em. I have to do this. Please forgive me...” His voice, so serious, full of regret, full of pain.
His hands creep down to my neck. It's at this point I know I’m in serious trouble. I need to get out of here. Now. I try to get away but he’s strong. So strong. His fingers start to tighten on my neck. My breathing stops. I try to push him away but he barely budges. My legs kick at him but nothing seems to hit its mark. Dark spots circle the edges of my vision. I lift my hands and try to punch him away but he just takes it without so much as a flinch.
“Shhh. Emma, please.... Just go to sleep. It’ll be ok. It’ll be over soon. I won’t let you turn into one of them. Never one of them.” Tears start flowing again from his eyes. My own eyes start to well over with their own tears. This is the end. I knowit. I couldn’t just follow a simple rule. I came in here after they all told me not to...again.
