Page 75 of The Player Penalty
“My friend Julian and I are dating,” I say, wondering if she’ll believe me. “Romantically. He asked to make it official two weeks ago.”
“What? I’m so excited for you.” Dr. Lambert slams her pen on the desk. “You have a boyfriend who races cars for a living. I love it! I love it so much.”
“Uh, thanks? That’s the part I never think about, probably because I grew up around motorsports. It isn’t anything special.”
“The relationship is special, though, isn’t it?”
He’s taken me out to dinner multiple times and to a movie once. Julian helped with one of the jigsaw puzzles until I grew bored. The unopened boxes now sit by his front door. He’s even dropped suggestions for my new hobby.
He’s surprised me with breakfast, held my hand before last week’s race, been extra pleasant to Dad, and been altogether perfect.
Can something be so perfect it only proves it will eventually fall apart?
“I think so.”
“Lily, am I making you uncomfortable? If this isn’t a conversation you’re ready for, it can wait until next time. You set the limits here, not me.”
“No, you’re fine. We can talk about him.” I’m pulling my hair again, and I didn’t realize it. If Dr. Lambert asked, then my body language must be pretty awful. I force my hands into my lap.“Julian only knows what I’m like on medication. What happens if I go off them and it’s like before? What if my head gets loud again, and I forget everything even more than now? My bedroom was so gross before; it’s embarrassing to think about. What if that happens again? I worry what will happen, that’s all.”
“Have you spoken to him about this?”
“That’s the last thing I want to do.”
“It might help. If you hear directly from him and believe him, would that make a difference?”
“Maybe.”
“Then let’s add that to your assignments. You need to communicate this with him, not me. Give him a chance, Lily.”
“I’ll try.”
“Let’s do a med check before we end. How are you feeling? Do we think more is better, or are we in the right place?
“My last anxiety attack was months ago, during that horrible business interview. My grades are good enough. I’m worried, Dr. Lambert, but I’m also very happy.”
“That sounds like we’re in a good place. You should be proud of yourself.”
∞∞∞
“Is this you?” I point at the boy in the drawing.
Liam nods before grabbing his tablet. He opens the photos and shows them to me. His parents are remarkably similar to the drawing on his construction paper. “They’re wearing stripes,like you.” Liam wears striped shirts every day, no matter the weather. “This is at the park. What’s your favorite ride there? Mine was the swings.”
He switches to the AAC app and pulls up the merry-go-round.
Liam’s talent is remarkable. His drawing displays his small family set against a striped background. His parents each have giant smiles and complete sets of teeth, while Liam doesn’t give himself a mouth at all. He’s in front of his parents and taller than them both, which is an impressive feat for a seven-year-old.
Later, after the school day ends, I put away the art supplies and clean the tables. One of them is covered with glitter, which is particularly frustrating.
Ms. Terry hands me over a few stapled sheets of paper. “This is the application packet. You’re in, so this is a formality. We need emergency contact information, that sort of thing.”
I immediately grab a pen to fill it out. “This way, it isn’t forgotten.”
She smiles with understanding. “We’re extremely flexible, so if you’re taking classes over the summer, we can work around that.”
“No classes; I need the break.”
“Don’t we all? We should, especially considering I volunteered to head up a summer camp. I should have booked a vacation to Europe.” This is her third year managing the school’s summer camp program. She’ll never take that trip to Europe, not until she retires. “There’s one overnight trip for the older students. It’s always a big hit. If you’re available that weekend, I’d surely be grateful.”
