Page 54 of Out of Office Nights
‘Is that remorse for speaking it within my hearing, Papá? Or saying it at all?’ he pressed. He needed this, more than he’d ever imagined. Teo knew it was an essential key to unlocking something vital within him. The bottleneck of emotions that feltlike it would burst at the seams, decimate his life completely if he didn’t keep it corked tight.
‘Teo…mijo, this isn’t easy to admit, but I lost my way with you a long time ago.’
‘Bull—’ He stopped himself in time before the uncouth word fell out. Whatever his feelings, this was his father. ‘Perdonne mi,’ he rasped.
Again he sensed his father’s sad amusement, but the old man who’d ruled his kingdom for several decades before abdicating had mastered the art of maintaining his composure, even with his sons. Perhaps to his own detriment?
His father patted the space again. ‘De nada.Can I explain?’
Emotion climbed into Teo’s throat, but he sat and jerked a nod.
‘It became clear very early on that your mother would fight me in every way where you and your brother were concerned. I had to learn to pick my battles very carefully. I was a young king with difficult roles and a kingdom to grapple with. In a blink of an eye, the future I’d imagined for myself had been turned on its head.’
Teo stiffened, anguish rising once more.
His father took a long breath. ‘The truth was that while I welcomed three sons instead of none, I had a complex line to walk. Your mother’s unhappiness grew toxic very quickly. Every time I so much as raised an opinion about your upbringing, she threatened to take you both away from me. And I know you’re probably thinking I was the king and should’ve tossed around my power to make things go my way. But I suspected she was taking her…unhappiness out on you, so when I was advised to take a step back, I took it.’
‘Let me guess. That advice came from your exemplary council? The same council that advised that Valenti and I should be raised nowhere near the palace?’
His father flinched. ‘Sí. I was concerned about minimising your turmoil, but in hindsight I see they were more concerned about appearances. Insisting you and your brothers join the army so you could be away from the dysfunction your parents couldn’t seem to stop creating was a way to solve the issue.’
The army. Where Teo and his brothers had finally forged the unshakeable bond their mothers had been so hell-bent on destroying. ‘You did that? I thought…’
‘I had Parliament push through the legislation requiring royal sons to serve. I thought if I couldn’t be in your lives on a fuller basis, then at least you three should have each other. And you…’ Silver eyes locked on him. Causing that bottleneck to strain further. ‘But long before that, I believed you didn’t need me as much as your brothers,mijo. You were always so supremely confident. Self-assured and undaunted by whatever was thrown at—’
Arid laughter seared Teo’s throat, the confirmation of one suspicion doing nothing to salve his desolation. ‘I guess I did a good job of fake-it-till-you-make-it.’
His father winced again. ‘Yes, I see in that, too, I let myself believe what wasn’t true. But your brothers needed you. They weren’t so—what’s the in-vogue term?—in their own heads when you were with them.’
He raised a brow, although his insides twisted with the revelations.His father had had a greater purpose?Teo hadn’t wanted to join the army. He’d gone so he wouldn’t be left behind. And because a royal decree was one not even his mother could rebuff. ‘So I was the comic relief?’
‘No. You kept them balanced. And for that, you have my undying gratitude,mijo. But you deserved recognition too, not just as the bulwark for your brothers but in who you are. I failed to do that.’
Teo was struggling his way through this new revelation when his father spoke again, tossing more boulders onto his pulverised senses. ‘I’ve seen your workshop at your residence.’
For the umpteenth time in what felt like a relentless twenty-four hours, everything inside him flipped. ‘What?’
‘I also came to your first show. And I fought your mother when she insisted on you doing something other than what you loved.’
A spark of anger lit through him at the disarming news. ‘That’s all well and good, but did you at any point think it would benefit me to know all these things you did but decided to keep to yourself?’
His father exhaled, his expression pained. ‘I watched you succeeddespiteme. You were so angry, and I was ashamed. Not an easy thing for a king to admit. For the most part, I thought keeping my distance would ease the toxicity your mother steeped you in.’
‘You never once thought to remove us from it altogether? Seek sole custody? Or was that a scandal too far for your kingdom?’ Teo bit out.
A tinge of shame coloured his father’s pale features. ‘It was considered. And rejected. And I agreed. Taking a child away from their mother should be the last resort, king or no king. I hope you never have to face that choice as a father.’ His face fell. ‘As for why I’m doing this now, I was too busy trying to get through to Valenti after his…’ His jaw clenched. ‘I’m ashamed to say I seem to have failed there too.’
The ordeal his twin had endured still cut them all raw. But Teo selfishly wished for a sliver of what his father had denied him. As for the quip about being a father himself…
The niggle came again.Harder.
Dios, why the hell couldn’t he recall—?
‘Your next show…you will move it here.’
A royal edict if he’d ever heard one. So what if it was the very thing he’d striven for the first time he’d picked up a stylus? ‘And if I refuse?’
A wave that closely resembled pain moved through his father’s eyes, quickening Teo’s breath. ‘I would be disappointed, but I would understand.’
