Page 45 of Prince She Shouldn't Crave
‘Why didn’t you tell me?’
Part of her wanted to believe he sounded almost hurt that she hadn’t disclosed the truth, but she refused to accept that he was experiencing that kind of emotion, after what she’d heard.
‘Because it wasn’t relevant. Because I didn’t want any judgement imposed on either me, or my mother. Because I’ve had enough to last alifetime.’
Because, Lena realised now, she could accept judgement from most people since they didn’t matter. It would have crushed her if that sentiment had ever come from Gabe.
His eyes widened, yet he didn’t seem chastened at all. He almost looked…pitying. She loathed pity in all its forms. She’d been pitied, disdained, for most of her life.
‘Lena, I wouldn’t have judged you, or your family.’
Perhaps that was right, but everyone else would have, and, no matter what might have happened between them, Prince Gabriel clearly didn’t want her enough to have overcome it. He was a prince, and princes didn’t choose people with indeterminate backgrounds like hers.
‘I suppose you did say you enjoyed my company, and that my professionalism was impeccable. But I thought you might have…likedme, just a little.’
She hated how that statement showed her weakness. She’d wanted to be more than liked, she realised. She’d wanted to be loved. Soverymuch. To be seen for who she truly was. Someonewith a good heart who was interested in people. Who cared about showing the world the truth about a person, finding the good in those who were worthy, rather than mining the bad. She’d wanted to be seen as enough, even if she’d been kidding herself, because Gabe’s view of her was built on a false picture. He’d never truly seen her because he didn’t have the full truth. And she had no one to blame for that but herself.
‘I do, like you. And there’s no reason why this should change anything.’
She’d spent her whole short life trying not to be her mother’s daughter, and yet here she was. Did her mother have these same conversations with her father? A public figure who could never truly be with her, so she’d had to accept whatever shreds of himself he’d deign to supply? Was that what Gabe would offer her too? That was not what she wanted. Lena shook her head. How couldn’t he see?
‘It changeseverything.’
‘Why? I understand this is your first physical relationship with a man so you might not realise that the chemistry we have is something rare. Something to be explored, not thrown away. My family has no part in what’s happening between us.’
Yet again, there was no talk of feeling and, right now, her whole body was awash with it. The pain of what couldn’t be. Because he might have wanted her for the physical side of their relationship, but he didn’t want her for anything more. He was like every other man, who coveted what they saw physically, and didn’t care for anything else. She could have laughed at how she hadn’t listened to lessons that her life should have taught her. Self-deception sure was an intoxicating and potent drug.
‘What if one of us decides they want something more?’ Though she knew there was really no ‘us’ in this situation. The person who wanted more was her.
Gabriel frowned, but it was so hard to read him right now she didn’t know what it meant. Annoyance, frustration. She couldn’t tell.
‘I thought we were enjoying each other. If you’re talking marriage, that’s a long way off for me. I’m interested in now, which is what you said you wanted too. Time to think of futures much later.’
That might be okay if Gabriel were just any man. A commoner like her. But he wasn’t. He was the Crown Prince of Halrovia. With duties and expectations imposed on him, that he’d willingly accepted. His commitment was what would make him such a good king when the time came.
‘And what if one day you decided I was the woman for you? Can you imagine how it would impact your image? Because I can. Let’s think up a headline…’ Lena tapped her finger to her lips. ‘The Prince’s Shocking Romance! From Mistress’s Daughter to Future Queen?I bet it’s something your family could write themselves.’
‘I don’t care about my image. I don’t care about the headlines.’
He started forward, towards her, as if to take her in his arms. To comfort. But there was no way to make this better. She held her hand up in a stop motion. To his credit, Gabe didn’t move a step further.
‘Yes, you do. I was employed to help you fix them. You enjoyed it and you changed because of it. Youdocare. To say anything else is kidding yourself.’
Lena didn’t want to be the one to destroy his image. She wanted to protect him. It wasn’t just her background that was the problem, but the workplace romance too. Everything about this would see him judged, even though she’d been a willing party and in many ways the instigator of her own downfall. Well, she wouldn’t be the cause of Gabriel’s downfall as well.
‘You need to listen to me.’
‘No, I don’t.’ No matter what she agreed to, in the end he’d come to his senses and the story would be the same. One she was painfully familiar with. Gullible woman falls for high-profile, unavailable man.
‘Our positions are clear. You broke some rules and so did I.’
‘Good God, Lena.’ Gabe raked his hands through his hair. ‘Icareabout you.’
Like. Care. They were words, sure. Once they might have been enough. But they were bland now. Mere scraps thrown from a table of emotions when she wanted the whole banquet.
‘My job’s never been to make your life hard, Your Highness.’
Gabe’s eyes widened. ‘It’s Gabriel,notYour Highness. I don’t want easy. I don’t need easy. Whatever rash decision you’re about to make, the answer is no.’
