Page 85 of Moonlight & Matrimony
“I love her,” I think.
Chapter 22
Ivy
? Us - James Bay
The soft glow of the early morning light filters through the curtains as the memories of last night come rushing back, sending me reeling from the intensity. As I lay there, a clash of emotions swirls in my gut, each one more dangerous than the last. The boundaries I so carefully built around my heart are crumbling, and a persistent ache is beginning to take root in my chest. The warmth of Luca's touch lingers on my skin like a caress, and despite my resolve, I can’t escape the unsettling truth — I’m dangerously close to breaking my own promises.
It takes me a moment to register that Luca isn’t in bed with me, but I assume he had to work or make a delivery today and I make a mental note to shoot him a text.
After quickly gathering my things, I wrap myself in Luca’s robe for the short walk back to my bedroom. Once I’m showered, I throw on my comfiest oversized sweater, a pair of leggings, and some fuzzy socks, then venture downstairs for breakfast. Thehouse is silent, no sign of Luca in the kitchen, and Rylin is still with Paige.
The scent of coffee lingers in the air as I prepare a fresh cup, taking a moment to soak in the stillness. I can’t remember the last time I felt so at peace. Before I met Austin, maybe. That thought sends a spike of guilt through my heart. Without Austin, there is no Rylin, and I could never regret her. I would endure every ounce of pain and heartache all over again if it meant keeping her safe and whole and happy.
The quiet doesn’t last long as a very agitated Hazel hops up onto the kitchen island, mewling for attention, or more likely, breakfast.
“Ok. I hear you, pretty girl. You couldn't give me five minutes of peace, huh?” Hazel bumps her head into the hand that’s clutching my coffee mug — as close to an apology as I’ll get, I suppose. I set to work filling their food and water bowls, lest I incur the wrath of Sage and Chance next. Come to think of it, it’s odd that I haven’t seen them yet this morning. Sage is usually the first to greet me as soon as she hears my footsteps on the stairs.
When I walk into the den in search of my wayward pup, I’m taken aback by the sight that greets me. Sage is laid up on the sectional with her head on Luca’s legs while Chance is curled up in a ball on his chest. I hesitate in the doorway, my mind running over the list of reasons he would have slept on the couch instead of in bed with me after everything we shared the night before, and well into the early hours of the morning.Does he regret it? Was it too much? Am I too much?
Instead of sticking around to find out, I rush up the stairs to make myself presentable, then gather my purse and keys on my way out the door. In an effort to extricate myself from the suffocating weight of uncertainty, I take the familiar path towards the cabin, hoping some time away with my best girl will lend me some perspective.
The short drive to my destination is agonizing — the stillness of the morning opening me up to every lingering question, and the answers I’m not ready to face, leaving me feeling raw and exposed. His whispered words come back to me, ‘you’re everything, Ivy’,and a sudden rush of sadness settles in my chest.
“Mommy!” Rylin’s excited voice snaps me out of my thoughts as I step out of my SUV. She bounds down the porch steps, her little legs propelling her into my arms, cocooning me in the warmth and unfettered joy only she can provide.
“I missed you,” I whisper, my voice coming out a little choked. Rylin gives me an assessing stare, then plants a soft kiss on my forehead that somehow finds my last remaining thread of composure and tugs it free. A tidal wave of emotions comes crashing down around me, leaving me breathless.
“Ivy, are you alright?” Paige’s voice cuts through the fog as she helps me onto my feet. The next few minutes are a blur as she guides me into the cabin and sets me down on the sofa.
“Is mommy okay?”
“She will be, Ry. Why don’t you go find Uncle Cade and I’ll help mommy feel better, okay?”
“Okay.”
Paige settles beside me on the couch, wrapping an arm around my shoulder as she rests her head on top of mine. “Talk to me.”
“I don’t even know where to start. I feel so stupid.” A choked sob escapes me as I struggle to contain the torrent of emotions I’ve been holding back for weeks now. Every bit of fear, sadness, hope, and longing comes crashing down around me like waves in a stormy sea, threatening to pull me under.
Her hand strokes over my shoulder, giving it a gentle squeeze, silently urging me to open up. “Start at the beginning. Did something happen with Austin?”
“No. Nothing like that.”
“Luca?” she guesses. An involuntary shudder rolls down my spine at the mention of his name, and Paige doesn’t miss the action. “What the fuck did my asshole brother do?!”
“I thought you were Switzerland?” I ask, infusing my tone with a lightness I don’t feel. It’s a half-hearted attempt at levity, and it fails miserably as I notice the look of concern etched on her face.
“You both looked so happy at Luca’s birthday party. What changed?”
I consider my words, uncertain how to explain without saying too much. “When we got home, we were… intimate,” I explain. “I took control, and we had fun. It was wonderful, and mind blowing, and then something shifted. It felt… different somehow.”
She releases me from her hold, turning her body to face mine as she gathers my hands in hers. “What do you mean? Different how?”
How do you explain to your best friend that you were ready to admit that you might be falling for your fake husband, her brother, without laying yourself completely bare and exposing every fear and insecurity? It’s impossible.
“I can’t explain it. Everything seemed good — better than good. We fell asleep together, but when I woke up, I found Luca asleep on the couch.”
