Page 93 of The Baby Dragon Bakery
Alfie frowned. “Do you want me to sleep with you?”
She was hardly keeping it together, and she didn’t want Alfie to see her at her lowest. She shook her head. “Otherwise Mama will find out about our movie night and she’ll yell at us,” she said.
“Oh yeah.” He giggled.
“But I love you,” she said.
“Love you, too.” He hugged her tight.
“Take Biter to her bed, too,” Lavinia said, and he scooped her up. The baby dragon was sleepy, too, and she yawned, flashing her teeth. Alfie and Biter left, leaving her alone.
Then it was time to sleep. She closed the lights and tried not to ache.
But as she lay there, she thought that this grief would last forever, that it would never go away. It felt like a rock lodged in her ribs, and she would never be able to push it out.
She would just have to carry it with her, wherever she went.
Chapter 35
Lavinia carried on with work and school the next day, but she could hardly make it. It was early December and the days were short and cold.
In the living room that evening, she sat on the couch, hugging a pillow as she watched Biter sleep on a nest of pillows and blankets on the carpet. She tried to remind herself she had done the right thing, but it was hardly any consolation. She was sosad.
A few moments later, Beena entered, changed from her work clothes into a sweater and lounge pants. Lavinia was already in her pajamas for the night: fuzzy socks, sweatshorts, and an oversized sweatshirt.
“Hello, darling,” Beena said, standing by the entrance of the living room.
“Hi,” Lavinia replied, voice quiet. Beena came and sat down on the couch beside her, settling down against the pillows. Lavinia released a long breath, turning to face her mother. “I know, you’re going to say I told you so,” Lavinia said, laying the pillow flat on her lap. Beena was confused, and Laviniacontinued. “You said not to let things get sour between us, and that’s what happened. And everything is ruined.” Lavinia’s eyes welled up with tears.
“Oh, gudiya, nothing is ruined,” Beena said, pulling Lavinia toward her. Lavinia sniffled, leaning against her mother’s chest as Beena stroked her hair. “Your and Theo’s relationship is so much stronger and deeper than all this. You’ll get through this rough patch.”
“What if we don’t, Mama?” She was so scared.
“Sh, I know you will,” Beena said. “Have more faith in yourself.”
“How can I? When everyone leaves me in the end?” Theo hadn’t, but he hadwantedto, and so she had taken the step she knew he would be too anxious to take on his own.
Beena pulled back, and Lavinia looked up at her mother’s furrowed brows. “That’s not true,” Beena said. “Where is that coming from?”
“It is,” Lavinia said. “All my boyfriends have dumped me because they got tired of me. I’m easy to like but difficult to commit to.”
Beena thought for a moment. “Think of all the people you love, the people in your life who have been there,” she said. “They are committed to you. Saphira and Ginny and Theo—your oldest friend! He’s been here through all your phases. We’re your family so we’re stuck with you, but Theo alwayschoseto stay. He actively chose to be there, by your side.”
Lavinia hadn’t thought of it like that. Deep down, she knew that was true, but she had let her anxiety overwhelm her. What if she had latched onto this idea that she was easy to love buthard to commit to, when she could just choose to let that thought go and not let it affect her?
“It’s all such a mess,” Lavinia said, her head hurting. She didn’t knowwhatto think anymore. “I thought I would have it all figured out by now, the way you did.”
Beena looked confused. “What do you mean ‘the way I did?’”
“You and Daddy met the winter you were twenty-four,” Lavinia said.
“Lavinia, you cannot put an arbitrary deadline on yourself!” Beena scolded. “Things happen in their own time. Everyone is different! Just because I met my future husband at a certain age doesn’t mean that you must, too! It’s much more important to be with therightperson than to just be with anyone by a certain time. And you cannot compare yourself to me and your father; you can’t compare yourself to anyone!”
Everything Beena was saying made perfect sense, and deep down, Lavinia knew these things. They weren’t complete revelations. It was just a matter of choosing to believe in them rather than believe in all her anxiety-ridden ideals.
“Your love story is yours, it’s unique and wholly specific to you,” Beena continued, then paused. “And Theo. I only bring him up because I don’t think that your story is over. What matters is that you love him and he loves you.”
“Of course I love him,” Lavinia said, and a lump rose in her throat. “But Mama, Theo was unhappy. That’s why I broke up with him. I knew he would never do it himself, and I didn’t want him to feel like he was stuck with me.”
