Page 127 of Hold Me Instead
She hurried out of the room and passed quickly through the living room, ignoring the sound of her name from other members of the family. She had to get out of there. Get some air, clear her head. Figure out what she needed to do.
Her coat and purse in hand, she stepped outside, shoving her heels the rest of the way into her boots. The snow fluttered in a whimsical dance, cool on her face, melting on the war in her chest. She tugged on her coat, feeling sobs threatening to escape.
“Charlie!” Zachary turned her to face him. “Charlie.” He swiped at her cheeks, removing evidence of tears she didn’t know were there. “Let’s talk this out. I’ll come over, and we can sort through this mess together—”
“I’m in love with you,” Charlie blurted.
His hand stilled on her face, but his eyes widened to hers. “What?” he asked softly.
“Shit,” she whispered. “Zachary, I’m in love with you. It’s terrible timing. I don’t even know why I said it right now, it sort of fell out. It’s been on my mind, and that doesn’t help all of…this.” She gesturedwildly between them, the house, at the romantic snow. “I don’t want us to be temporary. I haven’t for a while now. But this complicates everything. You didn’t want more, and now the business is yours. And for some reason, that isn’t the part that bothers me the most, which pisses me off.Thatis what makes this complicated. I couldn’t work for you, and not only because the thought drives me crazy. But I couldn’t, knowing how I feel, and that you don’t feel the same way.” She swallowed, then sucked in a breath and went for broke. “Do you?”
His hand fell to his side. “Charlie…”
She waited until he didn’t say anything else. “Right,” she muttered. Her nods were frantic as she stepped back, tears streaming down her face. He reached toward her, but she held up her hands. “Don’t.”
“This was supposed to be temporary. We both…” he trailed off.
“Yep. Yes. That’s what we agreed to. Initially.”
He shifted on his feet, his breath a white burst between them. “You need to go experience more now, anyway. Now that you’re free from all that shit. Date around. Do…what you want.” His words were strained. “You deserve that.”
“What? I don’t want that.” How did he not see? “I deserve you!”
His laugh was unamused. “I don’t deserveyou! You deserve better than I can give! Look at how I’m already crushing you!”
She shook her head, daring a step closer. “You mean I don’t deserve someone who accepted me for who I am? Who never pressured me?”
He scoffed. “I constantly pressure you.”
“In work, yes. We both do. I’m talking about personally, Zachary. You never made me feel like I was falling short. You made me feel sexy when it was the last thing I imagined being.”
His throat worked. “Well, you are. I’m not the only one who sees it.”
“I don’t care about anyone else. I care about you!”
He scrubbed his hands through his hair, face pained. “Charlie, I don’t want you to look back one day and regret this. To wish you’d had time to really find what you’re looking for.”
She was shocked at his words. Appalled at how differently they’d been viewing their connection. It didn’t change how she felt, and she wasn’t going to tell him otherwise.
She huffed. “You know what I’d regret? Letting you go.” She stood a beat, working up the final strands of courage. “I know what I’m looking for. Us, together? That’s when I realized what a relationship could be. The respect, the support, the need. I want to live out my fantasies and dreams withyou, Zachary. As my partner.”
The silence of the snowfall surrounded them, the blankets of white absorbing their words. Charlie sensed her cheeks were numb, but she could no longer determine if it was from the cold or from the look in Zachary’s eyes. He lifted his hand, like maybe he wanted to reach out for her, but then crossed his arms.
“I’m sorry, Charlie,” he said softly. “I can’t be part of making your dreams come true. I’m only capable of wrecking them. Look how quickly I ruined the practice for you.”
This was it.Temporaryhit swiftly, Zachary staying true to their plan, and holding fast that he’d remind her if they strayed off course.
She gave him a nod and hustled toward her car, arms flailing wide for balance as she slipped on some ice. Once steady, she kept moving, undeterred. Nothing would stop her.
“Charlie.”
Her back was to him as she reached her car, and she didn’t look his way. Only waited.
“I’m sorry.”
She closed her eyes and blew out a quiet breath, then climbed into her car. If she looked at him, she’d lose it. So instead, she drove away, without a glance in the rearview. Leaving her job, as she knew it, floating in the breeze.
And her heart buried in the snow.
