Page 36 of Hold Me Instead
Although he told himself she needed the comfort, as soon as she was in his arms, he realized how selfish the act had been.Heneeded her touch—when Charlie’s arms went around his waist, he released acontented sigh. That subtle scent of lavender wafted off her hair, and as he slid his hand up and down her back, she let out a wobbly breath. While it must have been in relief, the sound triggered satisfaction in him that he’d succeeded in caring for her, and he felt a surge of pride. His hold on her tightened.
“Oh, no.” Charlie pushed back from Zachary. “Oh, shit, Zachary…”
“What?” He was confused by her flustered state, eager to rewind a few seconds.
She opened her desk drawer and yanked out a wipe. “Great, I messed up your perfect coat. And your perfectly tailored button-down. For crying out loud, don’t you own other colors…”
He stared dumbly at her hands as she gripped his navy shirt with one and blotted furiously with the other. Her eyelashes fanned over damp cheeks, her nose pink.
And her cheeks burned red. “We had an old dog with an anal gland abscess right after the cat. I didn’t expect…”
“Nothing I’m not used to,” Zachary said, his voice oddly rough to his own ears.
Her blotting slowed, and she pulled back to observe the wet patch on his coat and shirt. She pressed her lips together, then offered a consolation pat on his shoulder. “You know what?” She tossed the wipe into the small garbage bin, then shoved folders around her desk like a TV background actor, needing direction. “You were too pristine anyway. You probably manage that like, every day, don’t you?”
He stilled her, his hand on her elbow. “Hey. I’m sorry you had a shit day.”
She sighed and looked at him with a tilt of her head. She seemed to give in to some secret decision as she said, “I appreciate your kindness.”
He laughed, surprised by her formal response. Her answering smile stretched full across her face, and Zachary’s breath stuttered. She looked at him like he mattered, like she enjoyed the person he was. Like she was really seeing him. A lightness eased his shoulders, as though she had whisked away everything that weighed on his mind. She had to know how much power her smile held, and yet, the glimmer of affection he saw in her eyes told him she had no clue. She was just being Charlie.
A spark of lightning filled the room, pulling their attention to the window. They watched it for a moment, silent, and he found himself counting in his head until the thunder rumbled.
“To be honest, the cat made me think of your dad.” Charlie said it softly, still looking out the window. Zachary focused on the rain as it cascaded along the pane of glass, afraid taking too deep of a breath would stop her. “I was with him the first time. I’ll never forget how caring he was, to the pet, to its family. Even to me. He provided thiswarmthto everyone, like he was wrapping the entire moment in a loving blanket. I’ve always strived to live up to that.”
Zachary knew. He knew when it had been Dale’s time, how much he’d wished his dad had been there beside him.
“I think I missed him today,” Charlie said, her voice cracking. “Which is silly, he’s alright. He’s going to be alright.” Though a statement, there was a hint of a question to her words.
It was true—he was doing well, considering. But his doctor had hinted at a long recovery. Something the Lee family hadn’t really dissected yet.
For now, Zachary could answer Charlie as honestly as possible.
“He’s going to be okay. They’re making sure of it. And you know my dad, he won’t let it be any other way.”
Her eyes softened, her smile fond as she faced him. “Daniel’s as stubborn as he is kind.”
He grunted, uncomfortable with the truth. “That’s for damn sure. They’re um, treating him for hypertension. Thinking stress led to all this.”
Her eyes darted between his. “He’s been working too hard. See, I knew I shouldn’t…”
She hadn’t voiced the rest of her thought, but it started much like his own. Like,if I’d never left… Not her, though. What could she have done? He wanted to touch her hand in reassurance. Thank her for being a good partner to his dad. For looking out for him. He wanted to apologize for his actions and words. But he didn’t want to scare her off. He slipped off his white coat and draped it over his chair, her eyes tracking his movements.
“I’m going to fix my files in the system,” Zachary said.
“Oh! Great.”
“Jasmine wrote up notes on what I need to do.”
“Yeah, she’s an expert at it. Keeps us all in line.”
“I, um, I did have a couple questions, if you have a minute?”
He had no clue what he wanted to ask her. Jasmine’s instructions wereveryclear, even using one of his mistakes as a detailed example. At the risk of feeling stupid, he wanted her nearby more.
For the next half hour, he managed to find enough to keep her around—including making more mistakes in front of her, which wasnotpart of the plan. It gave him plenty of time to memorize the flicks of her wrist as she pointed at the screen, the square shape of her bare fingernails, how small her hands looked next to his. Just when he foundhimself about to comment, to measure palm to palm—what waswrongwith him?—she scooted back in her chair.
“Wow, I didn’t realize the time. I need to feed Toothless.” She moved to pack up.
