Page 83 of Hold Me Instead
“Like the other day?”
“Yeah. His nieces insisted on making me some. The girls love Toothless and meeting whatever fosters I have. His brother and brother-in-law aren’t looking to adopt a pet right now, so it’s a good arrangement.” She took another sip, while Zachary looked around.
“So fudge and cookies are the way in, huh,” he said softly.
After only a few sips of wine, a slight buzz was kicking in, but his words pulled her upright. Suddenly, talking about her neighbor was the last thing she wanted to discuss.
“Cookies for sure. Snickerdoodles win every time.” She answered just as softly, her voice surprisingly husky. Zachary’s eyes flew to hers, then down to her lips.
Her stomach growled, interrupting the silence, and she slapped her hand to her abdomen.
“Speaking of food?” Zachary said.
“Yes. We should eat.”
They both reached for the cooler and lifted the lid together. They set out the meal, the burgers still warm since Zachary had cooked and wrapped them at the end of the day. By the time their plates were set, Toothless was splayed on her back, presenting herself to Zachary like the little hussy she was.
“You’re ridiculous,” Charlie said to her cat, though she understood the feeling. If she hadn’t been so hungry, the thought of laying herself out on the floor for Zachary’s eyes to feast on her would’ve overpowered any other thought.
“I’ll have to bring Maple over to meet her,” Zachary said.
Charlie took a bite of her food, humming in agreement. “She did well today,” she said through her bite.
He laughed. “You’ve got something there,” he said, pointing at her mouth.
She felt lettuce between her teeth and gave him an exaggerated smile to showcase it. “What? I have something stuck?”
He shook his head. “I’m seriously flashing back to when you were in high school and did that to me the first time.”
“The first time? Right. I guess I’ve done it often enough. Yikes.” She laughed nervously.
Zachary, on the other hand, cracked up. “I get the joke. I’ve always gotten it.”
Charlie felt her cheeks warm. Smooth and sensual, she was not. Laying herself in front of Zachary probably wouldn’t go as planned.
“Your sense of humor has always gotten to me. In the best way,” he hurried to add when she looked up at him. “Don’t know how Anna’s aversion to…everythingdidn’t stand out more after being friends with you.”
She swallowed a large chunk. The thought of their friendship being that vivid to him was a lot to process. “Love makes you do crazy things,” she said. Her eyes narrowed at her food as she pulled a piece of the bun and ate it slowly. “Been there.”
Memories swarmed of trying to keep her ex happy, sacrificing her needs, instead of the idea that they make each other happy by being themselves.
“I hate that you were hurt,” Zachary said.
Charlie forced a smile, but when she looked at Zachary, she felt the sadness show through, her attempt at hiding behind it much more difficult. She shrugged. “I learned a lot, you know how it goes. Granted, my therapist would confirm that I’mstillworking through it. But I’m much better for it now.”
“You’re in therapy because of it?” His voice was laced with concern.
“It’s a combination of things. I didn’t realize how much it messed with me, mentally, you know? Until we started digging into everything.”
“Ah, yeah. I get that.”
Charlie picked at the thin weave of the blanket and released a quiet breath. “There was a lot of manipulation. My self-confidence took a major hit.” She tipped her head from side to side. “I mean, you met his mom. That’s a pretty good glimpse into life with him. Little self-awareness and a whole lot of selfishness. I was just going through the motions instead of recognizing what it was.”
“That sounds like a huge revelation,” Zachary said. He stretched onto his side, leaning on an elbow. One hand traced hers lightly as he listened.
“It was a giant shock to my system too. I’d been ignoring signs and kept getting sucked further and further into this spiral, until it felt normal. I felt exposed and vulnerable, and he was laser-focused on what he needed and wanted. Anytime I tried to tell him something was wrong, he’d make me feel bad. Say he felt guilty, and thenthatwas my fault, and I needed to help him feel better. It was at my expense. Every time.” So much of it had revolved around physical intimacy limitations.
His knuckles clenched.
