Page 31 of A Duke Makes a Deal
“Angry?”
“Yes. Apparently, she had been so upset that she decided to drop everything and let the bout happen, in an effort to be done with it as soon as possible so she could get back to work. But the moment she decided to let it happen, it faded away.”
Silas’s feet slowed.
“It faded away?”
“Yes.”
“You’re not serious.”
“I am,” Clara said. “That’s what she told me and that ever since that day, instead of dreading or fighting the feeling, she simply let it be. She would wait for it to come, accepting it. She said they were never as bad as they had been before that day.”
“But she still suffered from them?”
“I suppose, but she said they were far easier to manage after that,” Clara said.
Silas wondered if such a thing were possible. It seemed the opposite of what he wanted to do. When the choking anxiety would fester in his chest, he wanted to beat it down, to strangleit away. To simply let it wash over him sounded like poor advice, but then he hadn’t been able to find any doctor that could explain to him what he was experiencing, nor did he know of any other way to stop it.
He turned his head and watched Clara’s profile as they continued their walk, rather in awe that this person would have such information and he wondered what else he might learn from her.
*
Over the nextseveral weeks Silas escorted Clara to three different social events and each time he focused solely on Clara in an effort to stall his anxiety. Remarkable, it seemed to work. Whenever he felt particularly overwhelmed, he remembered what she said and allowed it to happen. Only it never seemed to come on as strongly as before.
Clara’s technique hadn’t completely rid him of his problem, but his anxiety had seemed smaller, almost manageable by the time they had visited the newly built National Gallery Museum.
Clara was bright and articulate, having been schooled by her father during her formative years when the family had lacked the means to provide for a proper tutor. Mr. Woodvine was a staunch believer in the higher learning and had provided Clara with a diligent education, particularly in the subject of philosophy, where she had been a very eager student. Silas knew that many would consider her unrefined, for her manner lacked the polish that he was accustomed to, but no one could claim she was unintelligent, and he admired how settled and certain she was in her thoughts and opinions. He was accustomed to fashionable ladies who shifted their tastes to match whatever was in vogue. Clara, on the other hand, was firmly fixed in her likes and dislikes.
She was free with her opinions as they wandered through the gallery, forming critiques and drawing comparisons with displays she had seen elsewhere. Every story she told him was humorous, engaging and charming and he was soon unaware at how others glanced at them as they walked about. He was simply enjoying her in the most basic way and he had been surprised to discover that the ease and pleasure he felt around her made it simple for him to open up and share his own past with her.
She had been delighted to discover that he had a younger sister who currently lived with his mother in Bedfordshire at his estate and conveyed her wish to meet them, which had warmed his heart for some reason. While he was particularly close with his mother, his relationship with his sister Violet, was one he hoped to mend soon. She had been devastated by his divorce and though she had eventually accepted it, he doubted Violet had fully forgiven him yet.
Clara was curious about his other relationships and he told her about his friendships with the Earl of Trembley, discovering that her friend Holly lived next to Gavin’s uncle, the baron who Gavin was heir to.
The walk in Hyde Park with Clara and her mother had become front page news and soon the papers were writing about their journeys about town as though it were a matter of some sort of national importance that every Londoner should know about. Silas had forgotten what it was like to be the center of attention, but since he was now technically courting someone as a divorced man, it seemed his relationship with Clara was the only thing anyone wanted to write about. While Clara had initially been flabbergasted by all the attention, she eventually accepted it—or at least, learned to ignore it, keeping her attention fixed on him and paying little heed to those around them.
She was surprisingly well-read. Silas realized as much when he had offered her and her parents his box at the opera to see Jean-Jacques Rousseau’s play,Le devin du village. She and her father had discussed the philosophies of the playwright afterwards in the carriage ride home.
“Rousseau believed that human beings, by nature, are capable of knowing goodness,” Clara said as the carriage pulled away from the steps of the opera house. “I think the fact that Colin and Colette came back together showed his optimism in the human condition.”
“Ah, but did not their human condition lead to their distrust of one another in the first place?” her father pointed out.
“But trust isn’t a guarantee. One must earn it.” She turned to Silas. “Don’t you agree, your grace?”
Silas had quickly become used to hearing the elder Woodvine and Clara discuss all sorts of philosophies. He had even found himself tempted to brush up on his reading, if only to keep up with the two.
“I do, though I’m inclined to point out Rousseau’s main belief was that of self-preservation. I think it’s human nature to protect one’s self from harm.”
“But Rousseau’s other belief is empathy for one’s fellow man,” Clara added. “Colin and Colette were bound to reunite because of their love for one another.”
“But that isn’t always the way of things.”
“If it meant to be, there is no reason why two people shouldn’t be together.”
Silas tilted his head.
“Are you really saying that things like circumstance and condition have no impact on a relationship?”
