Page 34 of A Duke Makes a Deal
“I don’t mind.”
“But it’s rude, especially when I’m talking in theory and you’re talking about reality.”
“But you are correct,” he offered, hoping to ease her concerns. “There was doubt. I doubted her.”
“And she could not forgive you?” Clara asked after a long pause.
“She could not live with me and my fears,” he said slowly before adding. “And I could not live with her rules.”
Clara’s brow knit together and she had opened her mouth to speak, when her mother startled awake.
“I was just resting my eyes for a moment,” she said loudly, breaking the tension that had settled around Silas and Clara. He stood up and Mrs. Woodvine’s eyes went wide. “Oh, you are not leaving so soon, your grace?”
“I’m afraid I must,” he said, both eager to be away from this conversation, yet disappointed that he had to leave Clara. Shestared at him with question. “But I hope you all will join me at Vauxhall Gardens tomorrow evening.”
“Oh, yes of course!” Mrs. Woodvine said, while he kept his gaze on Clara. “That would be splendid.”
“Splendid indeed,” Clara said as she stood. “Good-bye, your grace.”
She curtsied at his bow and he left without a backward glance. He hadn’t wanted to discuss Cynthia with her or anyone for that matter, but as he exited the house, he felt as though a weight had shifted off his chest.
It was the strangest sensation and yet, for the rest of the day Silas felt lighter than he had in months. He had expected to feel hostile and miserable after talking about Cynthia, but Clara had been surprisingly easy to talk to and he was eager to see her the following evening, though he reasoned it was because he wished to see how he would react to the crowds of Vauxhall.
Vauxhall Gardens was going to be a true test of his ability to manage his anxiety.
A part of him felt guilty for using her to stem off his own anxiety, but she hadn’t seemed to mind.
As long as they were arm in arm, it seemed his anxiety could never fully form. Of course, their touching had led to him feeling a whole slew of other things, and it was difficult to be close enough to touch constantly.
The next evening, during the fireworks display near Vauxhall, while in the company of her parents, Silas and Clara had put enough distance between themselves and the elder Woodvines to speak with some privacy.
“You must let me apologize for yesterday,” Clara said as they walked along. “I was too forward.”
“No,” he stopped her, unwilling to accept her contrition when he knew she had done nothing wrong. “It was good for me to talk about. I’ve kept that part of my life quiet for so long, Ithought talking about it would make me angry, but the opposite happened.”
Clara’s brow lifted as she turned to face him, a loose strand of blonde hair laying across her cheek.
“Really?”
“Yes.”
“Then may I ask you something?”
“I don’t see why not.”
“What did you mean, what you said you couldn’t live by her rules?”
Silas’s steps slowed as did Clara’s. Turning to see where her parents stood, he found that they had stopped several yards away to watch a pantomime show. Looking back at Clara, he wondered how much he could tell her, without terrifying her.
“I’m not sure I can explain it,” he said, debating on telling her anything at all.
“Please,” she said. “It’s vexed me all day.”
“Has it?”
“Yes.”
Silas took a deep breath, convinced that he was losing his mind for even considering talking about such a topic with an innocent young woman. But a long-forgotten desire to tease came floating up with in him, like the smoke over a fire. Her intent gaze, so ready to learn, made him feel things he hadn’t felt in a long time.
