Page 40 of A Duke Makes a Deal
Silas’s contempt for society had ebbed and flowed over the years and while it certainly would be more comfortable not to be gawked at by people whenever he went somewhere, the reality of it was, any small perk that came with being married to Clara seemed somehow doubly as important now. If him beingaccepted in society would make things easier for her, then that was what he wanted.
“Not one I can think of. Besides… I’ve grown rather fond of you,” he said, his tone dipping. “I don’t like to think of you as being a monetary prize for some bumbling idiot when this ploy of ours ends. Not when I can offer you something more.”
Clara’s head dropped and he felt a strange buzzing in his ears.
“You’ve grown fond of me?”
Her words were soft and the uncertainty in her tone nearly undid him. He took a step towards her.
“Yes, as I believe you’ve grown fond of me. Haven’t you?” She nodded. “Besides, it’ll be equally beneficial to you.”
“Because I’ll be a duchess, you mean?”
“Yes,” Silas said, knowing the title of duchess was one of the only things he could offer her. “You would command the respect of every person in the ton.”
“I suppose that would be nice,” she said, the inflection of her voice sounding wholly unconvinced. “But what about what would transpire between us?”
“How do you mean?”
“I mean, how would we conduct ourselves? With one another?”
“As any husband and wife, I suppose,” he said. “It would be a marriage of mutual respect. One of friendship and comfortability.”
“Friendship,” she repeated. “And nothing more?”
“Well, yes,” he said, his brow puckering in contemplation. “What better thing could be between the two of us than friendship?”
There seemed to be a drop in Clara’s shoulders. He couldn’t understand it. Friendship had been the one thing he and Cynthia never had. Theirs had been a passionate affair, but mutualrespect had always eluded them. If what Silas had experienced with Clara in the last several weeks was any indication, he suspected they’d have a perfectly pleasant marriage. A peaceful relationship, the kind he had hoped for so many times before.
“I know certain members of your social standing tend to search outside their marriages for…physical comforts of sorts,” she said, not quite making eye contact. “I should like to know now if you have any plans to do so, as to prepare myself. I don’t wish to have any delusions going into this, you understand.”
Silas didn’t answer right away as that familiar feeling rolled within him. His body became stiff as the memories of jealousy, anger, and pain flooded his mind. Images of bodies intertwined, himself both furious and gutted at the sight. He had been able to bury such feelings beneath his own sorrows for over a year, however it all came bubbling up again at her words.
Clara waited patiently for an answer, but when he didn’t speak, she looked up.
“No,” he said gruffly. “I will not go outside our marriage for comfort.” Clara nodded. “Nor I will permit it from you either.”
Clara visibly swallowed, seemingly unnerved by the change in his demeanor. Even in the darkness, Silas could see the color change in her cheeks.
“Will we, um… That is, will you require me to,” she dipped her head, unwilling to face him. “That game, you spoke of. Will we…”
Silas shook his head.
“No,” he said, his tone softening. “I’ve put that part of my life behind me.”
Her eyes lifted and she appeared confused.
“Have you?”
“Yes.”
Her cheek twitched as a thoughtful look passed over her face.
“The philosopher David Hume believed that passion rather than rationale drove human kind,” she said. “And I’m inclined to agree. I don’t think a person can change an essential part of themselves.”
Silas felt challenged.
“I’m more than capable of governing myself.”
