Page 40 of The Beauty and the Boxer
While Meredith and Sarah followed theunderbutler up the grand staircase, Simon accompanied his brotherfurther into the house’s first floor. It was interesting to seeSimon excited to speak with the duke, and once again Meredithwondered how Jack would feel if he was present.
Jack had given Simon a definitive no aboutattending Dragmoor and while Meredith couldn’t blame him, she wassorry that he wouldn’t be attending. She hadn’t realized that therewas going to be so many people attending and her worry must haveshown on her face because Sarah squeezed her hand.
“Do not be afraid, dear. It will be awonderful weekend.”
“Yes, I suppose,” Meredith said. “The dukeseems to be a very gracious man. Especially one for hisposition.”
Most dukes carried themselves with an air ofconceit and arrogance. In fact, most peers were self-important,according to Meredith’s interactions with them. The duke ofDragmoor however, seemed oddly civil.
“Yes, I noticed that about him the firsttime we met. Mountebank is far more courteous than one would expectfrom a man like him. But I believe there is some underlying thingabout him we do not understand.” Meredith nodded, wondering ifperhaps the duke took his role as a gentleman far more seriouslythan most and therefore made it a point to never make anyone feelinferior, when so many other peers felt it was their duty to do so.“I’m curious, though,” Sarah said beneath her breath. “Did younotice the way he paused when I asked about the duchess?”
Evidently, Meredith wasn’t the only one whohad noticed.
“I did.”
“Something is not right,” Sarah said,peering over her shoulder. “I should very much like to know what’sgoing on.”
“Of course, you do. You’re addict togossip.”
“I never gossip, my dear. I simply acquireinformation,” Sarah said, while Meredith rolled her eyes. “I shouldfind out tonight at dinner and if not, the ball will take placetomorrow night.”
“There’s going to be a ball?” Meredithrepeated, worriedly. “Are there enough people to have a ball?”
“Well, some neighboring guests will beattending tomorrow evening, after the hunt and with thelong-distance guests who are staying at Dragmoor, I believe thereis enough people, but my dear, it’s hardly seventy people.”
“Oh, good heavens,” Meredith said, feelingqueasy. “Sarah, why are you doing this?”
“Doing what?”
“Forcing me into society all of a sudden?The balls and the dinner parties. Why?”
Sarah stopped as the underbutler continued.She spoke to her sister, her voice low.
“Meredith, I’m not doing this to annoy orupset you. I just want you to be happy.”
“But I am happy. Why won’t you believeme?”
“Because I can see it in your eyes that youare not,” Sarah said, her voice suddenly worrisome, if not hard.Meredith glanced at her. “I know I am pushy and rather arrogantwhen it comes to doing things in my own way, but it’s not becauseI’m simply meddlesome.” She took Meredith’s other hand into hers.“You used to be so excited about life, Meredith. When we weregirls, there seemed to always be a smile on your face and you werefearless. Even more than I. But when thesituationhappened,well,” she shook her head, eyes dropping, “I felt like I had letyou down.”
“Let me down?” Meredith repeated lowly.“How?”
“I left. Robert and I were so eager to marryand even with father ill, I insisted on a fast wedding. I alwaysfelt as though I hastened his decline and then you were left alone,with only Mama and Beatrice. It was no wonder you ran away with,well, you know who,” she said, refusing to speak his name. “And Ialways felt that I was to blame for it and thus, all theunhappiness that followed. When you came to live at Hardwick House,I had hoped to make amends by introducing you to society, but onceagain, my feelings came first and I married Simon before I was ableto help you make a match.” A deep crease lined her forehead as shefrowned. “I’m sure I’m at fault for Mama’s decline as well. PoorBeatrice must be at her wits end by now.”
Meredith stared at her sister, surprised.She had never believed that Sarah had felt so responsible and heldsuch guilt. She squeezed her sister’s hands.
“Mama’s mental state is not your fault andwhile I do believe Beatrice would be happier outside of Mama’shouse, there’s no helping the situation. As for this guilt over myactions, there is no need. My choices were my own, Sarah. I neverblamed you for any of it.”
“You should have, though.”
“No. I blame myself for acting withoutthinking of the consequences. And I blame Clyde for his deceit, butnever you.” She paused. “And you really don’t need to try and makeamends by sponsoring dinner parties and balls just so that I mightfind a spouse. I am truly happy with my life how it is.”
“Are you?” Sarah asked earnestly as theycontinued to walk, the underbutler several yards ahead of them.“Because sometimes when I see you, you have a far off look in youreye and I wonder how you can possibly be happy. Not that I thinkyou dislike living with Simon and Daniel and I, but then there wasall this talk about investing your money and I thought you mightwish to move away from us and—”
“Sarah,” Meredith said with gentle surprise,shaking her head. “I don’t ever wish to leave you.”
“I know. I’m being ridiculous,” Sarah said,her eyes becoming uncharacteristically misty. “I shouldn’t bebothering you with my insecurities. Goodness, my emotions seem tobe quite out of my control lately. I don’t know what is the matterwith me.”
Meredith wondered if perhaps Sarahshouldered too much blame for things beyond her control. She leanedover and bumped Sarah’s shoulder playfully with her own.
