Page 45 of The Beauty and the Boxer
“I’m in the business of men, Jack. All men.Young, old, excited, naughty,” she said with a wink, before adding,“sad.” She shrugged. “Some men come to talk, some men come to fuckand some men come to forget.”
“I don’t want to forget anything.”
“No, but you do want to push her away,” shesaid matter-of-factly. “So, who is she?”
Jack inhaled and exhaled, sitting on theedge of the bed. It felt very much like a sort of betrayal, talkingto Lottie about Meredith, but then there was no one else he couldturn to and certainly not anyone else he would willingly admit thethings he was feeling for her. If anything, he could pay Lottie forher silence.
“She’s a bloody governess,” he said after amoment, his hand coming up to rub his face.
“A what?” Lottie asked, laughter tinging hertone. “Jack, I thought you knew better than to fall for one ofthose silly creatures.”
“You were going to be a governess once,remember?” he pointed out.
Lottie smirked.
“Before I realized I could have more fun andmake more money doing this,” she said, lifting her hands as shewinked. Jack wished he could smile at her impertinence, but he wastoo bloody mad at himself. She sighed. “A governess, though, Jack?Really?”
“Really, and what’s worse, I don’t thinkthere’s any possible way around it,” he said sourly.
“Why not?”
“Because she’s … she’s too good, Ithink.”
“Too good? For Jack Archer?” she said,rather surprised. “Why, you of all people have never once letsomeone’s position in society affect how you’ve seen yourself. Ifshe thinks she’s too good for you, I don’t know why you’dbother.”
“It’s not that she thinks she’s too good,”he said, clarifying. “It’s that sheis. There’s somethingdifferent about her. Something wholesome and humble and honest. Ican’t bloody stand it and yet I can’t think of anyone else.”
“A humble and honest lady of the peerage?Goodness, Jack, you really have lost it.” Lottie said, reaching fora green glass bottle. She poured herself a glass of wine, the redliquid matching the décor of the room and took a long sip beforespeaking again. “So, she’s too good for you. What do you plan ondoing about it then?”
“What do you mean?”
“Well, will she have you?” she asked.
“I don’t know to be honest, but…” hehesitated, unsure how much to reveal. He had always been able totell Lottie dozens of his deepest concerns, but he felt uneasy now,as if these confessions were not meant for her. “I don’t think itwould be the best idea. For her, that is.”
Lottie was quiet for a long moment as shestared at him.
“Goodness, Jack. You must have it bad,” shesaid, shaking her head. “I think you should let the lady decide,however. Ask her first before making assumptions for her.”
Jack made a face.
“Why? I already know how it will go. Anaffair, followed by either a scandal or a separation, hurting atleast one of us. If it was me, I could live with it, but I don’tthink I’d be able to hurt her. The idea of her suffering at allmakes me want to fight a dozen lads.” He shook his head. “It hardlyseems worth it.”
“Love is always worth it,” Lottie saidpointedly.
That earned her a scoff from Jack.
“When have you ever been in love?”
“I fall in love at least three times aweek,” she said, winking at him. “But why are you so sure one ofyou would get hurt?”
“Well, there’s no happy outcome, isthere?”
“You could fall in love and, I don’t know,get married?” She paused for a moment before adding tentatively.“Start a family?”
Jack balked. It wasn’t something that he hadever really considered. He wasn’t the type of man who found a needto procreate. Still, the idea of Meredith swollen with his childcaused a visceral, almost violent reaction deep within him. He felthis heart expand and contract and it was several minutes before hespoke.
“Not bloody likely.”
