Page 60 of The Beauty and the Boxer
He should apologize. Regardless of how hefelt, he knew that Meredith did not owe him anything.
Sighing, he adjusted his position, suddenlyuncomfortable with his own bitter attitude.
“I’m sorry, Meredith. I have no right—”
“What secrets do you wish to know about me?”she asked softly, as he faced her.
She was dressed in a quilted, silk brocadedressing robe, covering one of those ghastly nightgowns that womenwore, all lace and frills that went all the way up to her neck. Howany one of them could sleep with such fabric always confused Jack,but as he stared at this woman, completely covered except for herhands and face, he felt himself go hard.
He had expected her honey brown hair to bebraided, but it was only tied back by a single ribbon as it hungover her one shoulder. She was a paradox. She was equal partsinnocent and tantalizing. Offended and pleased. Woeful and hopefuland he wanted all of her, in every form.
What the hell was the matter with him?
“You shouldn’t be down here, dressed likethat,” he said as he stared at her.
“What secrets do you wish to know, Jack?”she asked, calling his attention back to his foul mood.
His eyes searched hers as he felt suddenlyunsure about his reaction. He wanted to know all her secrets, buthe wanted her to tell him of her own free will. He inhaled sharplyand then exhaled as he gently placed his scotch glass on the smallend table.
“Whatever ones you’re willing to share.” hepaused. “Truthfully.”
Confusion followed by contentment passedover her face as she watched him. In a moment, she came around theedge of the sofa and sat next to him, having decided something, heassumed. She suddenly seemed eager to share.
“I have a secret,” she began, before shakingher head. “It is not a great secret. I do not hold it dear. Ifanything, it is my deepest regret, my greatest mistake.” Shepaused, her hands coming together in her lap as she began to toywith her nailbeds. He remained still. “My family knew the Petersonsfor years. We weren’t exactly friends, but acquaintances. I knewJohn, and Percy and,” she paused, “Clyde from church and a fewsocial dances that the entire village would attend.”
“So, you knew him?” Jack asked.
“No, not very well,” she answered honestly.“John had been one of a dozen suitors for Sarah, but drifted awayonce Sarah was married. Percy was not terribly good at any sort ofconversation and I only ever spoke to Clyde a few monthsbefore…”
She didn’t finish her thought, but bit herlip as she faced the fire. God, how he wanted to kiss that lip.
“Mama was so happy that Sarah had married anearl. She wanted me to marry a duke. Anyone would do, she said, andI remember having to attend dozens of dinners with these ancientmen, some older than my own father.” Her fingers became stiffer intheir fidgeting as she continued. “All before my own season. I wasgoing to be married off before I got a chance to, to … well, toenjoy myself a little.”
The innocence with which she spoke made Jackwant to give her all sorts of enjoyment.
“And this Clyde character offered you someenjoyment?” he asked.
She nodded.
“I think he knew from the very beginningwhat he was doing and how easy a target I was,” she said. “ThePetersons were landed gentry, but not very wealthy. As the thirdson, Clyde was pushed to join the clergy, but he said there was noplace for a man like him in a ministry. He spoke to me after churchand flirted with me at the local dances. For several weeks, itseemed whenever I turned around, whether on a walk or a visit totown, Clyde Peterson was there, waiting for me. He had told me howsad his brother John had been at Sarah’s marriage, but when Iexplained that Sarah had fallen in love and with someone sohandsome and wealthy, well…” She shook her head as her handsstilled in her lap. “I shouldn’t have told him anything. But Ifancied him so much and it felt nice to talk to someone aboutthings, including my impending future.”
“He listened to you.”
“Yes. Oh, I know it was to get informationfrom me, but I didn’t know that at the time. I only knew someonewas interested in what I had to say and with Sarah gone andBeatrice too young to speak with, I felt rather lonely. It was niceto have someone to talk to who soothed my fledgling jealousy. Sarahhad married so well and to someone she loved. I wanted to do thesame. I told him I didn’t want to marry an old duke, or any old manwhatsoever. I didn’t care about money or position, as long as I wasin love. If I married one of those titled gentlemen, I’d have tolive the rest of my life attending boring dinner parties and neverbeing able to dance because my husband walked with a cane.” Shepaused, her face creasing with guilt. “Does that make me a badperson?”
“Pardon me?”
“I’m sure they were fine older men. I oftenthink that if I hadn’t been so judgmental, maybe I wouldn’t havefallen for Clyde. If I hadn’t been so prejudiced against them dueto their age, I might have been happy with one of those oldersuitors.”
“By forcing yourself to marry someone youdidn’t like?” Jack said, shaking his head. “No, Meredith. I thinkyour opinion should be the only opinion in your own life.”
Meredith glanced at him.
“Do you really believe that?”
He smirked and for the first time sincedancing with her, he felt like his old self again.
“You’re terribly easy to please. Do you knowthat?” he asked, his voice deeper than before. He wanted to reachfor her hands, to touch and soothe away her apparent unease, but hewaited. “Yes, darling. I think you should be in charge of your ownlife.”
