Page 14 of Daddy's Naughty Bartender
"Do you?" His eyes, Mark's eyes, meet mine. "Because sometimes I still expect Dad to walk through the door. Like this has all been some horrible nightmare and he'll come home and everything will be normal again."
My heart cracks a little more. "Oh, honey."
"And then this guy shows up and you're smiling and getting dressed up and you look..." He swallows. "You look happy. Really happy. And I hate myself for resenting that."
"Your feelings are valid, Josh. Being angry doesn't make you bad. It makes you human."
"Dad would be pissed at me for acting like that."
"Your dad would understand you're protecting what you love." I reach across the desk, taking his hand. "But, baby, I can't live in amber. I can't stay frozen in grief forever."
"I know." His voice breaks. "I know that, Mom. Logically, I know. But my heart..."
"Your heart needs time. And that's okay." I squeeze his fingers. "But, Josh? You don't get to be cruel while you're processing. You don't get to break things or curse at me or be disrespectful to guests in our establishment. You are allowed to be angry and hurt. You aren’t allowed to be disrespectful or violent."
"Yes, ma'am." He studies our joined hands. "He stood up for you."
"What?"
"Jason. He didn't yell or get aggressive. He just... stood up for you. Made it clear I was out of line without making me feel small." Josh meets my eyes. "Dad would have liked that."
Tears threaten. "You think?"
"Yeah." A ghost of a smile. "Dad always said you needed someone in your corner. Someone who saw how much you carried and helped shoulder the load."
"When did you get so wise?"
"Tuesday." His grin is more genuine now. "Right after I acted like a total toddler in front of your... what is he exactly?"
Good question. "I don't know yet."
"But you like him."
"I do."
"And he makes you happy?"
"He makes me..." I search for words. "He makes me feel like myself again. Not just Mom or boss or widow. Just... Karen."
Josh nods slowly. "Then I'll try. I can't promise I'll be perfect, but I'll try."
"That's all I ask."
He stands, then surprises me by coming around the desk to hug me. "Love you, Mom."
"Love you too, baby."
After he leaves, I sit in the quiet darkness, processing. My phone buzzes on the desk.
Jason: Can't sleep, baby?
I stare at the message. 1:47 AM. Why is he awake?
I look around, expecting him to be standing outside my house. It’s a bit creepy.
Me: How did you know?
Jason: Light's on in your office. I can see you from my hotel.
