Page 111 of The Other Side of Paradise
“I know. And you’ve done a bang-up job. Went and grew up in the blink of an eye.” He was definitely crying now. I think I was, too. I refused to pay attention to the way my face felt, like I could deny I was crying if I didn’t think about it. “I’m… sorry. I should have done this differently. Should have understoodwhere you were coming from. Should have taken Ryan’s side. You’re braver than I am.”
“I’m just easily annoyed and I lose my temper fast.”
“Well, you’re annoyed by the right things. That’s a virtue in and of itself.” I heard him breathe out slowly, and an announcement rang out in the background.
“Dad, that’s your flight,” I said, and he sighed.
“Going to start boarding in ten minutes. I probably should get a move on. But I wanted to say I’m… I’m proud of you. You did the right thing, on this trip.”
“Oh my god, Dad, I’m trying not to cry,” I cried, wiping my face. “I’m sorry, I might have… said too much without thinking, too.”
“You didn’t say anything that wasn’t true.” He shifted, stood up, chair creaking as I heard him moving. “Allison’s a very lovely woman. I think she’s a good pick.”
“Uh… huh?” Suddenly I was Allison, all fumbling and shy, blushing as I hunched my shoulders. “What do you… I told you I’m staying at the airport hotel.”
“You’ve been seeing her, haven’t you?”
“Oh. Um. Well.” I ducked my head, staring at the stone pavers underfoot. “I mean, not… exactly…”
He paused. “You should talk to her,” he said softly. “Not often you get a second chance in things like this. I think you’ll be happy you did.”
I cleared my throat hard. I hadn’t even thought at the beginning of the week that I was gay. Now my dad was trying to encourage me to go ask this girl on a date. What a vacation. “Thanks,” I said weakly. “I, um… thank you. I do really like her. I just don’t know…”
Another announcement rang down the phone. Dad spoke more quickly. “Making a mistake while going after what you want hurts more in the short term than making a mistake hidingfrom it. But it’s worth it. I need to get back to the gate, but… I love you, Stella.”
“I-I love you too. Thanks, Dad. Um… thank you.”
I think he picked up on all the things I was going to say but didn’t. I hope so, because I had no idea how to put it into words.
When he hung up, I felt untethered, drifting, floating, and at the same time, like—like I had fire in my veins, like I couldn’t help myself from wanting to move,needingto move, doing something, anything. What if? Suddenly those were the most powerful words in the language—what if,what if I tried, what if I stayed, what if I asked Allison to… what, date me?
I wanted to try, desperately. Wanted to take the magic that had been in these last few days with her and see where it could go if we had even more time. It was just… would she still want me if it wasn’t on a time limit? If I wasn’t a safe thing that could be discarded after the fact?
God, I didn’t fucking know. But what Ididknow was that Ryan and Brooklynweren’tlike that, and that I’d be dealing with Ryan moping for the rest of my life if she didn’t do something about this. Have to watch her settle for some loser who would just live in Brooklyn’s shadow forever.
Dammit. I stood up, and I walked, slowly at first, and then quickly, out to the front entrance of the hotel, and using my phone to call a ride.
If Ryan wasn’t going to listen to reason, maybesomeonewould.
∞∞∞
Brooklyn didn’t expect me. I guess that made sense. She thought I was in the air on my way back to the mainland. I loveda surprise.
She stopped suddenly when she opened the front door to her house, blinking fast taking me in, holding a dish towel she was in the middle of drying her hands on, and she’d been about to say something but was frozen there. Probably expecting Allison coming around to grab pizza or something. It did smell like pizza around the house.
When she didn’t say anything, I stepped up. “Hey,” I said, and that did it—she tossed the towel onto her table, folding her arms, giving me a skeptical look.
“How are you clueless enough to miss your flight but clued-in enough to know where I live?”
I laughed. “I guess it’s a compliment that I’ve graduated to where you can be mean to me like you are to Allison. I know where you live because I’ve stayed at Allison’s place like two feet down the road,” I said, pointing in the direction of Allison’s house, and I dropped my voice low as I went on. “Ryan and I missed our flight on purpose. Some of our family absolutely sucks. And… things happened. So the two of us are scheduled for a flight tomorrow, instead.”
I watched the whole litany of emotions play out over the woman’s face—realizing that meant Ryan was still here, realizing that meant she had to do something about it or reckon with Ryan leaving again. She clamped down on it, putting on a measured smile. “And, what, you’re looking for a place to stay?”
Ugh, she was never going to listen to reason. She was just as bad as Ryan. “I’m telling you to go talk to her,” I said, and she went to shut the door.
“It’s not a fairytale, Stella. If there’s anything I can do to help out, I’m listening, but I’m not—”
I stuck my foot in the door. “She cares about you,” I said, ignoring the exasperated look she gave me. “She cares about youalot,you know. If this isn’t what you’re waiting for, then whatareyou waiting for?”
