Page 77 of The Other Side of Paradise
Of course, that hinged on me having a chance to do it, anyway. I looked away, face prickling. “I dunno,” I mumbled. “Either way, I went and made it awkward now.”
“Allison is just running away because she’s too scared of how much she likes you,” she said breezily, and I frowned.
“I mean, you can say that, but she’s still running away, however you spin it. BecauseIcan’t keep it in my pants when somebody obviously likes me. I’ve gotten told a lot I’m shallow and superficial, and I guess I went and proved everyone right,” I said, slumping back into the seat.
“Stella, it literally could not be more normal to enjoy being overtly liked,” she said. “Everybody wants to be liked, at least by someone, in some way. And if someone you find attractive is clearly into you, everybody likes that.”
I tented my hands. “I mean, when you put it like that, it sounds silly to not be into it,” I mumbled.
“Allison’s going to kill me, but I can give you her address. If you show up at her place and tell her you’re still nervous around intimacy with women but that you want to try, and ask her to show you how it’s done, you could probably spend the entire day between sensual, passionate sex and languid sunbathing on the beach, get dinner with her tonight, and do it all again later.”
That sounded so fucking good it made my chest ache. Allison’s cute little artist’s getaway where I could see her paintings in person, having food together at her place, and then settling in together to try and see what it would be like with her… drinks on the beach, grabbing dinner, falling into bed together. It was everything I’d fantasized about in a sexy hookup here, just… more. More connection, more involvement, and more breasts than I thought would be involved.
“It doesn’t count if it’s on vacation, right?” I said, and she laughed.
“You know, Stella? If that’s what you need to tell yourself, sure.”
I think she was making fun of me. I looked away. “Just that it would be weird to talk about that kind of thing with my family, you know?”
“You mean finding a girl attractive, or about spending an entire day exploring every possible way to have sex with a person?”
I mean, god, that sounded like a great way to spend a day. “Well, kinda both.”
“You don’t need to have it figured out,” she said. “You just need to do what feels right.”
Like she read my mind. That was basically how Ryan described her—always knew the thing to say. And always right.
I didn’t know if Allison was still interested, but I guess I could swallow the embarrassment long enough to admit I wanted her to be. Wanted to see what would happen if I gave her what she wanted. She did look so pretty last night that I was curious what we could do next.
Right. It was worth a try. I sat up taller. “Um… I really do need to go see my family and everything now. But… well… yeah,” I mumbled. “If Allison isn’t going to kill me for showing up, I’d appreciate being able to, you know, show up.”
She laughed. “Kill you? Never. Just promise to say something nice at my funeral.”
Oh, I would. I grinned. “I’ll tell them all about how you were so good that Ryan wasall in, zero hesitations.”
“Sure. Go to a funeral and talk about how much your sister got laid with the deceased.”
I laughed, standing up before my gaze caught on hers, and slowly, I dropped back into my seat. I hated that this was ending—hated that it was ending for me and hated that it was ending for Ryan, and I’d always been the very last to accept somethingjust because I felt like I had to. “You know,” I said, “it’s not just about getting laid. Ryan really is seriously into you.”
She tightened, just a little, not quite looking at me. “She’s really nice,” she said, choosing her words carefully. “I’m enjoying it a lot too. But we all know there’s a time limit on this. I’d rather not talk about it, it just gets a little depressing.”
“Yeah, because you always avoid anything serious with anyone,” I said, leaning insistently over the table. “Ryan told me all about how you live on an island where nobody ever stays, and how you never have anything serious or long-term with anybody because of it. And she seemed really sad about it, by the way.”
She sighed, her energy restless, before she said, “Stella, I appreciate it, but… I’m not looking for a matchmaker.”
I pursed my lips. “I’m not being cute here,” I said. “I just… I feel like I actually have a real family member, ever since Ryan’s gotten with you and has totally opened up. I like her better when she’s with you. You should give her a chance.”
She put a hand to her forehead. “You don’t take a hint, huh?”
No I did not. I got the hint and I was rejecting it. “She travels all the time. There’s nothing to stop her from coming back here as much as you two like. Especially if she has a place to stay here, you know? Like… she likes to travel. And get away from our family, I think, a little.”
“Stella—”
“You like her, too, right? And not just as a fling?” I said, and she sighed, hard, shaking her head.
“It’s not about that. Now can we please move on?”
Ugh, I was surrounded by people who couldn’t face their feelings and talk about things. I guess the frustrating part was that I’d been doing it too. That was more effective than any other motivation. I stood up. “IfIcan go and talk to Allison,youcan deal with things with Ryan,” I said. “Okay?”
