Page 92 of The Other Side of Paradise
I pursed my lips, looking away across the lobby. Suddenly I wished there were more guests being difficult. “I mean, this isn’t exactly dream job material. You’ve got a lot of staff jumping up and down for joy clocking in for a shift?”
He smiled. “So, it’s going well with Ms. Bell.”
I shrugged, not looking at him. “Fine. Why?”
“Can’t be fine. I assume it’s either going terrible or fantastic.”
“Uh… how come?”
“Well, the lovely young lady who walked you in had some questions for the front desk while you were in the back clocking in. Specifically about the area.”
“Oh. Why’d she ask you?” I shook my head. “What was she asking for?”
He smiled. “Recommendations for sex shops.”
Ah. I pursed my lips, looking off to the middle distance. I was not getting aroused on my shift. “She’s… not subtle, huh.”
“I told her about the one down the corner from the barber. You don’t have any holdups about their stuff, do you?”
I sighed, folding my hands politely on the desk, giving him my customer service smile. “Based on what we’ve done so far, Stella could do literally anything to me and I would have no complaints.”
He laughed. “Congrats.”
“I’m going to fucking die. I can’t believe she’s leaving tomorrow.”
He shrugged. “Ask her for long-distance.”
“I’m not—we’ve known each other for less than a week. We’ve been… doing whatever we’re doing for one day. I mean, a little longer depending on how you count, um… forget that.”
“Depending on how you count what?”
“Do youwantme to answer that?”
He put his hands up. “I’ve said worse while drunk. Laura has said worse while sober. You’re best friends with BB. I doubt you can manage anything particularly egregious.”
“Okay, you know, fine. Depending on how you count mutual masturbation.”
He raised an eyebrow. “And you still doubted where you stood after that?”
I bristled. “It’s mixed signals when a girl does all that with you and is likeyeah I’m super straight.”
He grinned. “Typically when you get a straight person toexperiment, they’re not the ones topping you. I think you’ve reached new levels of bottoming.”
“Sh-shush. The point is that we haven’t beenwhatever we arefor nearly long enough that I could… you know. Ask for that,” I mumbled, looking down.
“Or what, you explode?”
“Probably not.” I sighed. “Just that she’d laugh. And I’d rather explode. Everything about this is perfect… and I’d rather crystallize this memory as something beautiful and perfect than ruin it while trying to make it more than it is.”
He pursed his lips. “You know,” he said after a minute, “it’s been a long time now since you first started working here. You were so scared then. Thought it was just, you know, first day first job nerves, but realized later on it’s bigger than that…” He leaned against the desk, staring out to infinity. “You were on the run, weren’t you? Hiding from something you’d never dared to defy before.”
“I mean… yeah, kinda.”
“It was damn brave of you. You’ve come a long way. Much more settled in who you are. But your younger self has some wisdom too, in how she owned that bravery, that choice. Do her the favor of respecting that.”
I squeezed my hands, looking down at them with a thick knot in my stomach. “I… I don’t know about all that. I was doing what I needed. To survive.”
“You wouldn’t have died physically if you hadn’t. Just emotionally. And lots of people aren’t brave enough, and they choose to stay and die that emotional death. Give yourself the credit that you didn’t choose it.” He squeezed my shoulder. “Stella’s dad wants to talk to you.”
