Page 29 of Head First
No!I think, as I watch it fall in slow motion. Immediately, my thoughts go to Vanessa, who pulls a piece of plastic out of the reef on every dive. I may have brought toxic sunscreen but I’m not going to let a piece of plastic float about the Great Barrier Reef if I can help it. I can see the cup perfectly clearly, bobbing in the moonlight. Before I know it, I’ve stripped off my sweatshirt, and I haul myself over the railing and into the ocean.
Only once I’ve slammed into the cold water do I realise what I’ve done is incredibly stupid. There could be any number of sharks lurking under my feet.
‘Millie!’ Pippa shouts.
I locate the cup in seconds, the water is still, and I hear Aaron ask Pippa what’s going on. He shouts at me to get to the back of the boat, where there’s a ladder, and Pippa scurries to bring me a towel.
‘What were you thinking?’ Aaron asks, as I pull myself out of the water. ‘You know you can’t launch yourself into the water in the middle of the night.’ My teeth start to chatter. ‘She dropped pla-a-stic,’ I stutter out, holding up the waterlogged cup.
‘Ah.’ Aaron flashes me a sympathetic smile. ‘Good on you, then. But don’t go about repeating that. Go get in the shower.’ The rest of the boys are crowded around Aaron. Andrew gives me a high five. ‘Great save,’ he says. Miguel squeezes an arm around my shoulders. Even Derek high-fives me.
Pippa is quick to grab a towel. ‘That was quite dense of me,’ she says.
‘It was an accident.’ I smile at her and my teeth clack against each other. The temperature on the ocean drops over ten degrees each night, and, boy, can I feel the chill. On my way downstairs, I turn to apologise to Aaron for jumping in without a life jacket and I meet Hugh’s eyes. He stares at me for a beat too long, unblinking.
A shiver runs down my spine. I head to get cleaned up.
After my second shower of the night, I go upstairs to hang my clothes to dry on the deck. My hair is dripping wet, so I decide to sit on the platform for a while. I curl up underneath the protection of my sweatshirt while the evening breeze dries out my hair. I’m only outside for a couple of minutes before the group of men disbands, everyone heading to bed.
Andrew comes over on his way downstairs. ‘Millie,’ he says softly, pausing at the top of the staircase. ‘I just overheard Hugh explaining to Derek what you both did . . . that both of you are marine biologists. I’m sorry I said earlier that your jobs were different. I realised afterwards that tellingyouwhatyoudo for work was probably insulting. I usually don’t mansplain so badly, I promise. Pippa is right . . . I’ve been overexcited for days.’ Andrew gives me a sheepish grin and waves goodnight as he retreats towards the captain’s room, leaving me puzzling over his comment.
Hugh basically admitted to what he told Andrew earlier . . . that we were ‘different’, and now he’s defending me to Derek?
I decide Hugh’s taken up too much of my brain space today, so I stare up at an endless blanket of stars instead of replaying our conversations. I feel an almost primal need for my sister. Seven hours until surgery. I say a little prayer, to the universe, or to the ocean, or to the butterfly wrasse I so fervently hope exists, that everything goes smoothly.
I feel so far away from everything I know. I’m about as far from Ohio as I could get unless I was launched into space. I don’t feel like I have any direction anymore. I hardly have a pull back home except for Murphy and Millie. My heart squeezes at the thought of Murph. I miss him.
Thinking about returning to my life, my dead-end cubicle job, my parents who don’t expect anything from me except stability, fills me with dread. How am I supposed to go back afterthis? How am I supposed to muster up excitement to get tea with Becca after swimming through the brightest coral reef I’ve ever seen? How do I hold a conversation with Matteo about the American Girl doll he bought his daughter for Christmas after being hunted by a shark? How do I join the Columbus dating scene after watching Hugh’s muscles ripple underneath his worn grey T-shirt . . .
He’s getting in my head, I think, angrily,and he’s so good at it he could be doing it on purpose for allI know.
I glare out at the ocean, listening to the sound of waves slapping against the boat. Maybe the sea will bring me some clarity. I still have four days. I try to map out constellations, but I don’t recognise any. I’ve long since uncrunched my legs from under the sweatshirt, and the cool breeze off the ocean feels good against my sun-kissed skin. My goosebumps are gone. I feel like my body is the end of a live wire. Everything is nuclear with colour, with emotion, the stakes are high. I feel like I’m actually living life correctly, for once. I feel terrified admitting it, but I love this feeling. I love feeling so alive.
This is the most in touch I’ve been with my emotions since I can remember. And it’s the most I’vefeltin so long that I start to cry. I cry with worry for Millie and with anxiety for myself. I take in a deep gulp of air, my lungs preparing for a sob, when I hear someone clear their throat.
‘Oh, sorry. I didn’t know you were out here.’ It’s Hugh. Of course it’s Hugh.
I want to retort ‘Where else would I be?’ or ask him what game he’s playing, talking about me behind my back, but I know my voice will betray me. It will come out cracking and hoarse. I worry the moon is so bright that he’ll be able to see the tears on my face.
‘I’ll just . . . head back in . . . I didn’t mean to interrupt,’ he says after a beat, but he lingers for a moment too long.
I want to ask him to sit. If he hadn’t thrown me under the bus with Vanessa, if he had just protected me from the shark and left it at that, I would have asked him to stay. But after how much he’s managed to get in my head after only one day, he’s the last person I trust to see me like this – so vulnerable. I can’t bring myself to say anything. Eventually, Hugh turns on his heel, his frown catching in the moonlight, and disappears around the corner.
Chapter 12
Moonlight is shining so brightly into our cabin that I can see our room like it’s daylight.
Hugh is next to me in my twin bed, our noses almost touching. He’s gazing at me with something like adoration.What is happening?!I think, confused but liking it more than I care to admit.How did we get here? Did he apologise for throwing me under the bus? He better have because he’s certainly a di—But then Hugh kisses me, so slowly, and so deeply that my toes crinkle against the sheets, and my confusion flies out the window.OK, so this is what’s happening . . . and I love it.
I wrap my hands around Hugh’s biceps and let them travel up his shoulders, fluttering against his tanned skin. His tongue is in my mouth, and I return the favour hungrily, biting gently on his lip. I feel him tense beneath me. ‘Andi,’ he breathes, whispering my name in the darkness. A shudder ripples through me, and there’s a heady pulse between my legs.
Hugh pulls away and kisses my neck, his lips searing a path towards my shoulder. I moan, gently, and his mouth returns to mine, his hand sliding around my waist towards the small of my back.
I wrap both hands around his neck and throw a leg over his torso, pulling him even closer. I feel possessive and aggressive, like even if I spread myself over every inch of his body it wouldn’t be enough. Even though we’re in a tiny room I want it to be smaller. I want every piece of myself to be pressed up against him.
He mimics my movements, his hands grabbing my ass, his lips on my neck. I feel him harden against me. Then he brings his lips closer to my ear and nibbles gently on my ear lobe. I can’t help myself. I whimper. He whispers in my ear, ‘I want you so badly,’ and I feel like I’ll explode.
I dance my fingertips down his chest, going lower and lower before flirting with the waistband of his plaid boxers. I skim my hand over the top and hear his sharp intake of breath. I glance at his face. He slides his hand from my low back and cups my breast, brushing his thumb over my nipple.
