Page 39 of Head First
Hugh grumbles and opens his eyes. ‘What’s the matter?’ he asks, sleepily.
‘I fell asleep,’ I respond breathlessly. I scramble up and stand on the deck, grabbing the rails.
‘OK,’ says Hugh. He flops his forearm back over his eyes.
Pippa grunts and nestles back into the hammock to continue her nap.
I stare out at the horizon.I can’t believe I just fell asleep on his chest. I cannot keep fraternising with the enemy like this!
I am not this person. I am not someone who lets a hot guy get in the way of her goals. In the past, hot guy distractions have been Millie’s vibe. She’s bungled a test after a night out, she’s shown up late for a family dinner with a handsome random man in tow. But I have never let myself get that carried away, and I am not about to start now.
I promised myself I would take this time to think! Not get swept up in some dumb boat fantasy with someone I will never see again.I glance back at Hugh, who seems to have already fallen back to sleep. He makes it so easy for me to forget why I’m here. I could be going back over the photos I took; I could be interviewing Miguel or Vanessa about potential sightings. I could be reviewing Millie’s notes.
I am usually more in control than this. I am always planning. I am steady and reliable. I am the sister and the daughter who is always in the place she needs to be, even when I don’t want to.
Growing up, Millie was always the loudest and the most exciting. She had the most polarising opinions; she glowed the brightest in every room. She looked better in clothes. She was, and still is, habitually late, but the energy she brings into a room makes up for it every time.
Everyone has to find their own space in a family – where they fit, where they find a niche of comfortability, where they add value or feel loved. I found mine being everything Millie wasn’t. It felt so natural at first: I would be early everywhere, I always kept my room neat as a pin. Those were easy compliments to get from my parents – Millie’s room was so messy but Andi’s, Andi’s was perfect. I loved that praise.
Somewhere along the way finding my space snowballed into creating my personality around it. I always remember birthdays, but I’m never the first person invited to a birthday party. I can talk knowledgeably about a lot of subjects, but I never have a hot take that makes people gasp in salacious delight. When we get in family disagreements over dinner, even when I think everyone else is being pig-headed, I keep my mouth shut and nod with a tight smile. Nobody ever seems to notice that I don’t really agree with what they are saying. Not like Millie, whose face is as expressive as an eighteen-month-old baby that just learned how to say no. I am Millie’s perfect foil. That’s why we are best friends.
I look over at Hugh, whose arm is still draped over his face. His abs are glistening in the sun. He looks like a Greek god except for his hair drying in a wild poof on top of his head. I know he is the kind of guy Millie would go for. Well, usually – in this specific case she hates him, but he does look like a lot of her past boyfriends.
Is this why I like Hugh so much? Because I’m so fully trying to be Millie? Why does it feel so good? I don’t even want to admit it to myself, but the voice in my head asks quietly,Why does it feel more like me?
I try to remind myself of all the things he does that irk me. He’s condescending, he’s stubborn and . . . and . . . I run out of steam. The list of things I hate about Hugh is getting shorter by the day.
Chapter 16
Five dives to go
Shortly after I wake up, Vanessa and Miguel start readying our gear for the night dive. The sun is slowly starting to edge towards the horizon. Our dive is scheduled for right after the sun goes down. With the complete absence of any artificial light, the reef goes dark in a matter of minutes. I try and forget about the feel of Hugh’s chest under my cheek, and instead pull back up the photos of the butterfly w-rasse, trying to strategise how to give myself a better chance at spotting one tomorrow.
I’m lost in thought when Pippa bounces off the hammock and comes to stand next to me.
‘Aren’t we lucky?’ she says, gesturing out at the ocean. ‘I can’t wait to dive again tomorrow. And again, after that!’
‘We really are,’ I agree. ‘It’s amazing how much scuba can open you up to what’s underwater. It’s like a whole new world.’
‘I couldn’t agree more,’ says Andrew, sidling up next to me. ‘How often did you say you get to do this?’
‘Not as much as you’d think, actually. It’s been ages.’Does Andrew know Ohio isn’t near an ocean?I think.
‘But isn’t this a work trip? Aren’t you looking for something?’
I nod. ‘I am looking for a fish, but sadly, my lab didn’t subsidise it.’
‘Because they know you won’t find it,’ Hugh grumbles, appearing so close behind me that I jump.
‘Don’t you have better things to do than bother me?’ I ask. ‘Last time I checked you were “working” too, but all you seem to do is nap.’
Andrew laughs. ‘Right, the marine biologist rivalry.’
‘Exactly,’ says Hugh.
‘So, what do you do, Andrew?’ I ask, pivoting the topic away from the butterfly wrasse. Andrew explains that he works on corporate strategy for a whole foods conglomerate. Despite the dryness of his job title, he has so much enthusiasm for it that I find myself bobbing my head along to his explanation of how shipping lines and currency exchanges affect egg prices at the grocery store.
‘Sweetheart,’ Pippa says eventually, laying a hand on Andrew’s shoulder, ‘you’re gonna bore them to tears.’
