Page 68 of Head First
I don’t even want to blink in case I miss them. I carefully manoeuvre until I’m right next to Hugh, who is spellbound, staring at the three little fish nosing around the staghorn coral. The butterfly wrasse. I finally found them. I have full tears running down my cheeks now, fogging up my mask.This is it!I think, forcing myself into action. I use every ounce of my concentration not to move, lest I scare the fish. I press the button on my camera.
Chapter 26
Just as I’m taking the photo, all the fish dart away from me. Impossibly quick, so quick that what happens doesn’t register until I’ve turned around in confusion.
Hugh has backpedalled and is hovering right behind me.
I feel fury building in my brain like a pressure cooker.He moved?! He scared away the FISH!My brain goes a thousand miles a minute.Did Hugh sabotage meon purpose?He wouldn’t dare . . . would he? But Hugh is turning around too, like he’s just as confused as I am.
Over his shoulder, I see what really spooked the fish. A massive potato cod swims close by, with Vanessa and Derek trailing behind it. Vanessa must have tapped her carabiner to call attention to the cod. Potato cod can grow up to five feet long, this one is probably about that size, and are known for being inquisitive and playful, as well as for the potato-shaped markings on their skin. Most likely, the movement of the cod, Derek and Vanessa made the fish jumpy. I watch the cod as it passes, its mouth opening and closing in cartoon fashion.
Once it’s passed Hugh turns back towards me. Slowly, he points at his chest, then his eyes, then towards the staghorn coral where the butterfly wrasse were. Then he flashes a thumbs-up, pats me on the back and swims away.
There’s no longer any doubt in my mind that Hugh saw them too.I found the butterfly wrasse. I did it!My relief is so euphoric that I start to swim away from the coral. I’m ready to be back on the boat, speeding towards Cairns. The sooner I can tell Millie, the better.
But something tugs at my thoughts, and I remember I need a picture, which I’m not confident I have. My excitement ebbs. I turn back to the coral, watching and waiting for the butterfly wrasse to return. After a few beats, I notice the movement of other divers around me, but I don’t look away.Come on, I think. I don’t know if I’ve ever felt this desperate.Please – just one fish.There’s no way that the picture I took earlier will turn out, the fish darted away too quickly.I just need one clear picture, I think. I feel so frustrated that tears start to form at the edges of my eyes.
I press my fingers down on the top of my goggles and blow forcefully out of my nose to clear my mask of water. I keep watching the coral. I focus on the millions of polyps dotting its surface like pores. I can’t bear to think about the photograph on my camera that is undoubtedly blurry and completely unhelpful. Angelfish and cardinalfish and grunt swim by me. There are striped fish and spotted fish and neon fish and rainbow fish. There are no butterfly wrasse.
Miguel hovers nearby for long enough that I think he’s spotted something, but just when I turn to see, he swims away. Eventually, I hear the familiar clang of a carabiner on Vanessa’s oxygen tank. This time she’s actually calling us back. I feel a pit of desperation in my stomach that is so heavy I feel like I will sink to the bottom and never come up again. I have failed Millie. No one will take my word as gospel truth that an entire fish species is still alive. Especially since I’m not even a marine biologist.
I let myself cry.
I don’t stop crying until I am on the boat, my BCD shucked off, my weight belt littered on the floor, and my mask placed back in the communal equipment bucket. I feel silly crying in public without a snorkel to hide my tears, so I sniffle and head straight for the cabin to shower, hoping I can quell my tears by the time I’m done getting cleaned up.
‘Millie.’ Hugh’s hand is on my shoulder. It’s heavy and warm and stops me in my tracks. ‘Millie, turn around.’ His voice is gentle and commanding, and I find myself rotating to face him.
‘Oh,’ he says, when he sees my puffy, swollen face and bloodshot eyes. ‘But you saw them.’ He brings a thumb to my cheek and wipes away a tear. He sounds tired, but not angry.
‘But I didn’t get the photo.’ My voice breaks.
‘Millie,’ Hugh says with a sigh. ‘You just need a witness to corroborate that you saw them.’
‘I don’t see how that matters,’ I say, my eyes brimming with tears again, threatening to spill over, ‘when you are that witness.’
‘Yeah,’ says Hugh. He steadies himself against the railing and runs his other hand through his hair. ‘But I’m not going to do that to you.’ He sighs again.
‘But—’ I say.
‘No buts,’ he interrupts. ‘All you need is a signed dive log from the two of us that a species was sighted. And we both saw those fish.’
Could that be true?I wonder.Millie would know.‘Are you sure?’ I ask Hugh.
He nods. ‘I’m sure. The witnesses have to be marine biologists, it can’t just be anyone, but I’ve done it before for a buddy I work with when we both saw a rare species of turtle.’
I gulp. ‘That’s a big sacrifice for you,’ I mumble.
‘It’s not a sacrifice when it’s the truth,’ he says simply, like it’s the easiest logic in the world. Although his voice is a little huskier than normal.
‘OK,’ I whisper. I place a hand on his forearm. ‘If you’re sure?’ I already feel my emotions clearing, my tears subsiding, making way for elated joy. I start to smile.
‘I’m sure,’ Hugh says, wrapping his arms around me in a hug. ‘I’m happy for you, Millie. And honestly, I’m happy those little suckers made it.’
‘Oh my God,’ I whisper. I’m not sure if I say it in relief or because being pressed up against Hugh’s chest feels terrifyingly right. I melt into his frame. He pulls away first and looks intently at my face. When he seems satisfied that I’m no longer at risk of falling into full sobs, he pulls me back into a hug.
The heat between us could sizzle the remaining water from our skin. His pecs press up against my chest and his forearms are heavy and strong around my shoulder blades. Even after being in the water, he still smells like Hugh. I breathe in deeply from the crook of his neck.
‘Did you see it?’ Pippa asks, poking her head from behind Hugh.
