Page 80 of Apple of My Eye
I swallow, trying my best to maintain composure even though I feel like I’m about to cry.
‘You are so worthy of love.’ Nick shakes his head, like he can’t bear to imagine a world where I didn’t agree with him. ‘You love everything.’ He throws his hands up. ‘You even love dirt! You care about every animal and you talk to every tree. You basically exist to make your father proud and you would do anything for Evan and Shari and Lily .?.?. You’re incredibly smart, you’re creative, you have this tireless work ethic. Eloise, I’ve never met anyone like you. You have no idea how special you are. If you were just honest with your parents, I know they’d understand. You don’t need to carry all these burdens alone.’
I blink back tears. I remind myself that Nick is about to leave.He doesn’t care that much about you if he’s still planning to abandon you,says the little voice in my head. I remind myself that he lied to me, that he never told me he was ruining my dream for fantasy football. Then I take a deep breath.
‘That advice is rich coming from you,’ I say. ‘You couldn’t even be honest with me about why you were really here. You said you were here because you believed in a job well done, but you don’t even have a shred of a good reason to be doing the job in the first place. You talk such a big game about succeeding. For what? To prove your friends right? To feel likeyoudeserve your mother’s love, that you don’t deserve your father’s absence?’ My voice breaks as I finish the sentence. I went too far. I can see it in Nick’s eyes. But it’s too late. I’m too angry. I’m too hurt.
Nick’s face falls just as raindrops start to hit the driveway. ‘If that’s how you really feel.’ He takes a step backwards.
‘I think you should leave.’ I can feel tears threatening to spill down my cheeks and the last thing I want to do is cry in front of him. ‘Just go.’
His face darkens and he opens his mouth like he’s about to say something but then he turns to go, shoulders slumped.
I head inside, desperately craving a soft blanket, a warm cup of tea, and a good cry.
Chapter Thirty-Six
Nick
Isaac: Yo, bro, when you coming back into town?
Julian: Kara’s having a party this weekend. Try and make it?
Me: As much as I want to meet your new girl, I don’t leave until Sunday.
Julian: Don’t be lame, change your flight! Our last party before class starts.
I stare at my phone. I type outI’m trying to find a way to say goodbye to Eloise before I go, then I delete it.
Me: I’ll try.
Technically, my capstone was supposed to be eight weeks. But I dragged my feet booking flights, not quite ready to leave everything behind. And before I knew it, I was staying an extra week. The Parkers didn’t mind, of course. But my mamma sure did. And so did Isaac. He wasnothappy that I missed another pickup game.
I went over to the Andersons’ again yesterday afternoon. Hazel was home but she said Eloise and Cal were out in the fields. She invited me in, we had a glass of iced tea. I really like Hazel. In some ways, she reminds me of my mom. She’s stubborn and a little intimidating, but she has such a warm heart.
‘Do you think Eloise will stay here forever?’ I found myself asking her, a little nervously, wondering if she would admonish me for being intrusive. But her face just softened.
‘I hope not,’ she said.
I must have looked as surprised as I felt because she laughed. ‘It’s not that I don’t want her to!’ she said, ‘but I don’t thinkshewantsto. Does that make sense?’
I nodded. ‘It sure does.’
Our conversation moved on. We talked about the unseasonably cold weather and whether or not we should be caving and turning on the heat. Hazel joked about her relief that the butcher is almost back from maternity leave. Eventually, I stopped going through the motions just hoping Eloise would show up at the back door.
‘I’ll tell her you stopped by,’ Hazel said as she gave me a hug.
I waited all night for a text from Eloise, anything to acknowledge I had been there, but heard nothing but crickets.
I started to look at flight options to leave earlier. There was no point in staying anymore.
Me: I came over yesterday to say goodbye but you weren’t home. I leave Friday. Can we talk?
Twelve hours later .?.?.
Me: Eloise. Come on. I know you’re getting these. Can you stop ignoring me?
Eloise: I don’t want to stop ignoring you.
