Page 34 of Apple of My Eye
We work as fast as we can, but we aren’t done when the first raindrops hit us. They’re fat and powerful, thudding against our clothes. We have two more trees to check.
Eloise holds up a hand, making a visor against her face. ‘You game?’ she asks, pointing to the last two trees in the line. ‘You take left, I’ll take right?’
I nod. We get to work as the rain turns the ground around us to mud. It only takes us a couple minutes, but it’s a couple minutes too many and when we both straighten up it’s pouring, with thunder cracking in the distance.
‘Come on,’ Eloise grabs my hand, ‘let’s get inside.’ She leads me to the nearest barn, one I haven’t been in yet, crisscrossing through the orchard, dodging between trees until we arrive, breathless and soaking wet, crashing together under the overhang. The rushing is so chaotic that I don’t have time to enjoy how right it feels—Eloise’s hand nestled in mine. The sound of the rain is relentless and loud against the roof.
As soon as we’ve squeezed inside, she pulls out her phone to text her dad, letting him know she’ll be late for lunch. ‘We can wait out the storm in here.’ She stops, glancing at me. ‘If that’s OK with you? Or I can ask Dad to come pick you up, but—’
‘I’m happy here,’ I interrupt her, knowing she’s about to start rambling in an effort both to make sure I’m comfortable and cover up any potential awkwardness because we’re alone.
‘OK.’ She clams up, walking absent-mindedly across the length of the barn, which is small. There’s a scattering of grass across the cement floor, dry and brown with age, remnants of when this place was last used. Eloise stalls in the center of the space, the A-frame ceiling lofted high above her, right in front of a rope swing. Her blonde hair is damp, clinging to the sides of her face and her shoulders and she shivers, her hands fluttering up and down her arms. Goosebumps freckle the backs of her legs. I’m pinned to the floor where I stand staring at her. She has no idea how beautiful she looks. I open my mouth to tell her but something about being alone inside feels wildly different from the amount of time we’ve spent alone together under the open sky. I don’t want to disturb the peace. I make up my mind to tell her the next time, to give her a real intentional compliment, not one that could feel sleazy, especially since her nipples have peaked with the cold and I can see them through her shirt. I would give anything to close my mouth around one, to tease her slowly, to lick every inch of her until her toes curl in her work boots. My heart thuds in my chest.
‘I used to spend so much time in here,’ Eloise says quietly, nudging the rope swing with an outstretched finger. It sways gently, responding to her touch.
‘I-It seems like a really cool space to hang out as a kid .?.?.’ I cough out, momentarily embarrassed at how dirty my own mind is. I force myself to look around and take in my surroundings so I stop imagining what Eloise would look like with me inside her, back arched, mouth agape. Instead, I take in the rusted rake hanging on one wall and spot a rickety ladder leading up the side of another and take a deep breath. ‘Is there a loft?’ I ask, trying desperately to make my voice as normal-sounding as possible.
‘Yeah.’ Eloise lights up. ‘It’s tiny. I used to read up there when I was a kid.’ She climbs up the ladder nimbly and pulls herself over the top, disappearing from view. ‘Come on,’ she calls me. I pull myself up after her, the wood creaking, until I too am perched up on a narrow shelf. It’s so small that both of our legs are dangling off and our shoulders are touching, cool wet skin to cool wet skin.
I wonder if I imagined it, but when I leaned in closer to Eloise, I think she leaned right back.
‘Linden would try to jump from here and grab the rope swing. He missed a lot.’
‘Ouch.’ We’re about ten feet above the ground. Those falls had to hurt.
‘Tell me about it.’
‘You don’t talk about him a lot.’
She runs a hand through her damp hair, thinking. ‘I guess I don’t. I think about him a lot now.’ She pauses. ‘Things have been .?.?. strained .?.?. between us.’ She turns to look at me. ‘You don’t have siblings, so I don’t know if you have something like this—’ She pauses, as if wondering if I’ll correct her.
‘You’re right,’ I reassure her. ‘I don’t have siblings. Tell me.’
‘We weresoclose growing up. Siblings are like your built-in best friends. We spent all our time together, we pranked our parents together, we told each other everything. Linden hitting puberty was hard for me, we drifted apart for a while. I became his loser sister and he became this golden child .?.?.’ She trails off again, gazing out into the empty space of the barn. ‘Anyways, I thought we would eventually get close again, you know, when we both came back home to the farm. But he never did.’
‘But he comes home?’ I ask. ‘To visit?’
‘I would call it coming home to gloat but yes, he does. My parents love it. But then he gets to leave.’ She sighs. ‘Just like you do. And I’m left here being the one to worry about how my parents will ever be financially in the clear. I don’t understand how he does it so casually .?.?. I don’t understand how anyone does it really .?.?. how they think their happiness is more important than a sustainable future for all.’ Eloise stops abruptly. ‘I sound like a PBS special,’ she grumbles.
‘Hey—’ I nudge her ‘—I love PBS specials.’
Her lips quirk upwards.
‘I get why you have resentment towards him up and leaving, especially while you don’t feel like it’s as easy for you to do. But—’ I lean into her shoulder ‘—it’s good he’s happy, right?’
Eloise bobs her head in agreement, her shoulders slumping. ‘I don’t like holding a grudge, it’s just infuriating that I’m the one that has to care about the environment. I’m the one that has to stay in a small town with no good bagel places. I’m the one that has to take care of my parents.’
‘Yeah,’ I sigh. ‘I feel like that too. I’m worried about my mom being alone. And because I’m her only son, I’m the only one who carries that burden. Not that she’s a burden at all .?.?.’ I feel my cheeks redden as I notice I’m babbling, but Eloise turns to look at me, her blue eyes burning.
‘See,’ she breathes. ‘You get it then, why it’s so important, what I’m doing here. It’s hard when you’re the only one worried about the people who raised you.’
‘Exactly. And my mom, she’s fine, but she’s had some health scares in the past. She’s had a couple bouts of chest pain that we thought could have been heart attacks, we called an ambulance and everything, and it ended up being heartburn.’
‘Oh, that’s so scary.’
‘Yeah, it was. It’s hard to see her get older.’ I shrug. ‘She’s the reason I care so much about being successful. My mom means more to me than anything.’
Eloise sighs. She mumbles something unintelligible. Something that sounds a lot likeOf course you’re doing this for your mom.
