Page 57 of Apple of My Eye
‘We got in an argument.’
‘I mean, yeah, obviously something happened between you guys if he’s here with Amie.’
Another round and two bad karaoke renditions of ‘Dancing Queen’ later and Lily is fully caught up. She knows about our mornings together, how good of a kisser Nick is, and how when I first told him Amie wanted to ask him out he didn’t care. I don’t have to tell her how much the situation, the fact that it’s a ticking clock until Nick goes to San Francisco, reminds me of Linden, of her, in a way, of all the people I love who have left.
‘Damn, Lou. You fell for a guy who is effectively trying to ruin your big hero plan to save your parents. I can’t believe it.’
‘It’s not that big of a deal,’ I demur, although secretly I love Lily for this quality, her ability to always make other people feel like they are the star of her show. ‘I was not in love with him. Also, it’s not a big hero plan, it’s my only plan. What else am I supposed to do?’
‘Well, you could try what I did and let your parents fend for themselves. They’ll be fine and they’ll still love you.’
‘That’s not an option,’ I say, but my voice wavers a little. ‘What about the farm? And JJ?’
When Lily’s eyes meet mine they are full of sympathy. ‘Hey,’ she says softly. ‘I get it, OK. I know what that place means to you, and I know how much you love JJ. And I know you want to show your love to Cal and Hazel, I know they’ve always been a little softer to Linden. But they love you even if you don’t take care of them, you know that, right?’
I blink hard, concentrating with all my might not to cry. I nod. ‘I just .?.?.’
‘I know,’ Lily says. ‘And I think it’s how we were raised and it sucks. My guy friends in New York, most of them don’t remember their mother’s birthdays until the day of, half of them see their family every other year and even then it’s for two days. Buteverygirl I know is organizing the family reunion and buying a Father’s Day card two months in advance. I know you feel responsible for your parents, but it’s not fair. And I don’t think they even know how much you feel this way. Do they?’
I shake my head. ‘No, they don’t. I know they don’t. But I can’t help it.’
Lily squeezes my hand. ‘It makes it even more frustrating that the men get to jet off to wherever they want with seemingly no guilt about it.’
‘Exactly,’ I agree glumly.
‘Not that I’m one to defend Nick,’ Lily says, squinting in his direction, ‘especially seeing as he’s here with Amie, but he also isn’t your brother. He has none of the Carnation baggage the rest of us do. He is making choices the best he can, for his mom and for himself, just like you are.’
‘The way he talks about his momisreally cute,’ I admit. ‘I know at the end of the day he’s trying to succeed for her.’
‘See—’ Lily nudges me with her elbow ‘—maybe there is a chance for a fall romance after all.’
‘He just doesn’t understand this,’ I sweep my hand out towards the bar. I glower towards Nick and Amie. ‘And he’s here withher.’
‘It’s hard when you’re not from here,’ Lily agrees. ‘There’s just a way we like to do things.’ She pauses to give Nick the side-eye. ‘And I agree, they donotinvolve going out with other girls to make somebody jealous.’
Both of us look out onto the crowd, watching people mingle, everyone in dusty jeans and worn T-shirts. My eyes can’t seem to stop returning to Nick and Amie who are chatting at the bar, their heads bent towards each other. Just then, I hear the microphone screech. ‘Lou!’ The emcee calls out. ‘We’re ready for you.’ My stomach sinks.
‘I can’t,’ I say to Lily, ‘you have to go up for me.’
‘No way.’ She crosses her arms in front of her chest. ‘I have way too high of a register for “Sweet Caroline.”’
‘I can’t do this in front of Nick!’ I plead.
‘You can and you will,’ she says firmly, steering me towards the stage. ‘He doesn’t matter anyways. He’s moving. He’s here with Amie. And he’s a hack. Fixing farming with marketing? As if.’
Even though I don’t know if she’s right, her words make me feel a little better. Even so, I stall at the foot of the stage.
‘Lou!’ Bennett shouts from the back. ‘Get up there!’
‘I hate you,’ I say to Lily.
She doesn’t say anything in response, she simply pushes me up to the stage. It’s too embarrassing to turn around now, not to mention I would have to physically fight Lily to get out of it, so I climb onstage on shaky feet and grab the mic with a sweaty palm.
‘Just start it,’ I say to the emcee. The music starts low and slow. I squeeze my eyes closed and take a deep breath. Three minutes and it will be over. And if I’m lucky, someone else will start to sing along. If I’mreallylucky, Nick will have left already. Although thinking about him leaving with Amie makes my stomach clench.
‘Lou!’ Lily yells. I’ve missed my first cue. I hurry to catch up to the music, singing along to the first verse as fast as I can, my voice full of trepidation as I mumble the words. Lily stays right next to the stage, her head bopping in time with the beat. I keep my eyes on either Lily or the lyrics, knowing full well that if I make eye contact with Nick, I’ll lose all concentration. I pray he isn’t listening to me sing, that he’s too busy talking to Amie.
‘Louder!’ Bennett yells from the back of the crowd. I have to fight not to roll my eyes. I shift my weight from one foot to the other.
