Page 89 of Apple of My Eye
Dad’s eyes drop. ‘We do want to sell the farm,’ Dad says.
My heart falls into my stomach.
‘And if Betsy and Joe don’t want to sell to Scott’s .?.?. well .?.?. we might want to.’
My jaw drops. ‘You can’t be serious.’
‘It’s too much for us. We’re not the spry young kids we used to be.’
‘So, you’re just giving up on your dream?’
They look at each other. ‘It isn’t our dream anymore.’
I feel tears welling up in my eyes. ‘OK,’ I breathe. ‘So, the loan doesn’t matter because I won’t even have anything to start from.’
‘Well, we’ve been talking about this too, but you could take over the farm if you wanted. You know, use the loan to buy it from us.’
‘But where would you go?’
Mom shrugs. ‘I don’t know. I’ve been dreaming of living in the city.’
‘Then what would be the point of being here?!’ I practically scream. ‘I hate Mercury!’
In the week after the Parkers officially put their farm up for sale, formally rejecting the Scott’s Orchards offer, I run the numbers over and over. They still work with my original plan, but they donotwork if I want to buy my parents out of their stake in the farm too. Dad, in classic fashion, offers to stay on, to keep owning the farm while I get things up and running. But I can’t do that to them. I don’t want to force them to keep living in a place they don’t want to be anymore. It’s already too much to reconcile that I may have misread their expectations from me in the first place.
I’m staring at a crummy hand of gin rummy when Dad gets a call from an unknown number.
‘Hello?’ He runs a hand through his thinning hair. ‘Oh, I wasn’t excepting to hear back from you so soon.’ His eyes crinkle at the corners.
Mom peeks her head out from the kitchen.
‘OK.’ Dad’s grinning now. ‘That’s great.’
I try to catch Mom’s eyes, confused as to who Dad could be talking to that’s making him so happy.
After a few more minutes, he gets off the phone and turns to me, still smiling. ‘Lou, a family from Seattle wants to lease the farm.’
‘What?’ I put my cards down face up on the table, there’s no going back to the game after this.
‘We don’t have to sell. We have time.’ He grins at Mom, who’s dabbing her eyes with the corner of her apron. ‘We got you some more time.’
I let the realization sink in. I have a few years, however long the lease lasts, before our farm could go on the market. We’ll still own it, someone else will temporarily manage it. I havetime. That night I start packing a bag for San Francisco. With JJ in a new home, with my parents’ new income stream from the lease of the farm .?.?. I’m starting to feel like a week in the city might do me some good, maybe help me see if I could envision a life for myself outside of Carnation.
On the fourth morning I’m in San Francisco, I decide I don’t want to go back to Carnation at the end of the week like I’m supposed to. I like the energy here. I’ve gone hiking with Shari’s cousin, who I felt instantly connected to (although I have yet to determine if that’s simply because she reminds me of Shari). Linden and I are learning to live together again and it’s shockingly easy, like driving a car after you haven’t driven one in a while. Although I’m not sure if this is entirely due to his girlfriend, who isawesome. Mom was right about her being the influence that makes Linden call home more. She’s thoughtful and patient and is giving Linden and me space to reconnect while also folding me into her group of friends.
I make us breakfast most mornings, fresh eggs (he buys them from a nearby farming community that he loves) and toast. He’s a surprisingly good cook and usually makes us dinner. I even have a lead on a few jobs.
Linden’s sitting at the kitchen table, thumbing through his phone, when I get up the courage to ask if I can stay longer.
‘Linden—’ I set down my coffee cup next to his ‘—I’ve been meaning to say I’m sorry. I misjudged you when you left the farm. I felt alone and scared. I didn’t want to be left behind. But I see why this is so great.’ I gesture to the window, where the sun is peeking through the fog. ‘I like it here.’ I squirm in my seat. ‘I kind of want to stay a little longer .?.?. if that’s OK? I mean, ask Julia first, of course, but .?.?.’
Linden’s shoulders slacken. ‘I never meant to leave you behind, Lou.’ He gets up and walks around the table, arms outstretched for a hug. ‘I’m sorry too. You vocalized that you were worried about Mom and Dad, and I felt guilty for leaving so I didn’t want to engage. It’s a two-way street. I’m happy you’re here.’
‘So, you’ll ask Julia if I can stay?’
Linden laughs. ‘Only if you keep making breakfast.’
I find a job researching the genetic potential of hybrid radishes. I pay Linden less than I should for rent. I hike on the weekends with Shari’s cousin and her friends. I talk to Mom and Dad with Linden (Mom isthrilledat this development). And three weeks in, I decide to date again.
